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SusanofO -> RE: What is a submissive mind? (8/31/2007 4:50:17 PM)
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Re: That Mother Teresa thread. If I had it to do over, I'd do it differently. I was pretty stubborn, plus, judging from the opening remark(s) that I took issue with, "I knew the job was dangerous when I took it". I had a particularly challenging week (on a scale of 1-10, compared with the last 4 years of my life, it was an 8). I suppose I was volatile, and normally I pass by a lot of remarks I might consider closed-minded in the 1st or 2nd page, if the person tossing them out doesn't appear to really want a discussion, or just skip discussing a topic altogether, or only reply to people who appear to understand what I am trying to say - OR, make some attempt to turn the thread around by seeing a topic from anohter POV (I thought I tried that a few times, but maybe not obviously enough).
Rule is an okay guy. He's got MS, and it can be hard for him to type a lot of words. He said the thread was going too fast for him at one point, and maybe I should have foucussed more on his posts, I dunno. SMC I apologized to already - and he thought was arguing (as oppsed to trying to continue the discussion) simply beacuse I posted on what I viewed as the topic, toward the end of the thread - from what might have been his POV, and considering he waslalready in "defense mode" (maybe paetly my fault, I dunno), I maybe should not have posted that post mentioning that Hitchens also had a dark night of the soul (I thought it was on topic)a second time, I am not sure.
The whole thread seemed to kind of fizzle out, and die - and caitlyn is right - the person (or two) whose remarks I originally attempted to have a real discussion with, didn't (to me) appear to want much of a discussion, it was more athing of "I am right - and you are wrong" - and it put a damper on real discussion (IMO) - and I did it too. I wasn't in a very humorous or patient mood on that thread (and if I had been, I would have over-looked some stuff that bugged me re: Certain posts. Life is too short, and it's only a message board
However, LaTigresse (IMO) was also correct - I think some Doms (and subs) do have a debating "style", (people in general do, IMO)and expect the opposite of same submissives.
What I actually was looking for though, was a real conversation, and I realize it is a BDSM web-site, and maybe therefore more prone to perhaps have people expecting other folks to be "in mode" online. But -
I see so many threads about how people "want to get to know the real person" that expectation for others to be in "Dom or sub mode" on a thread - does seem slightly self-defeating (regardless of the fact one might consider themsleves Dom or sub as a human, vs. a role. I only do the "role" for my particular partner). IMO any interpreation of what a submisisve or a Dominant should relate or sound like, is going to be (IMO) pretty individual. I cannot "get to know the real person" unless we can both just "drop the roles" for long enough to find out what the other person actually does think, as a discussion expands, and the topic develops. However, I did think about what Rule was saying (to me).
But - since we couldn't appear to get the point where poeple's expectations were adjusted of eachother (maybe some of use were just defensive, maybe incuding me) that thread never developed past that point. But it is just a thread, no biggie, and tommorrow is another day. Good question from the OP (kittensol).
That Mother Teresa thread could have been more in terms of a real give and take debate -but it just didn't go that way, or develop as much as it could have. But threads are what they are (and people are too, I guess). But I can think of several ways things could have changed. Too late now, but - live and learn.
- Susan
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