RE: I was just told

RE: I was just told (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:59:13 AM)
Stolen from another thread http://www.collarchat.com/m_966138/mpage_3/key_love%252Cimmature/tm.htm#968613 http://www.collarchat.com/m_1085614/mpage_1/key_love%252Cimmature/tm.htm#1134469 Love and BDSM has been a difficult combination for me but for ME it has been difficult not because of anything innate to the two but to my own personal issues. At first I felt that one needed to be able to end the relationship in order to control and that if I was in love I couldn't do that. I felt that way because I was immature. The ones I was able to dominate were not the ones I wanted. If I "wanted" them I became weak, I needed them and would play it safe rather than risk losing them. Various shades of this as I matured, this is all in my mid to late '30s and even into my last relationship. I have long known I do not choose women who I most want, I cull one off from the herd, some sort of emotional straggler. Then a part of me looks down on her/wants to fix her up. My best relationships were ones where I didn't exactly pick the woman, a blind date here, a response to an ad, and a woman at work who chased me are probably my better relationships. My last partner while a mixed bag, was a woman who I think was the break for me of my prior patterns. A woman I had become friends with, actual friends as she was a Domme and I respect that. Long story but we began a long and wonderful relationship, one where I grew a great deal. So I have slowly grown to where I now at least pick out the leader of the pack so to speak rather than culling someone from the herd. So now I date women I want which makes being in love FAR more risky and since one doesn't want to lose such an amazing woman, this is where the whole "must be able to end it" rational comes in. To do so you need to have the emotional security to know that if you end it with this amazing woman, that you can find and attract another. However, for me I still feel that is an immature response. Where I WANT to be, my GOAL is to know I can attract and keep an amazing woman because I am worthy of her. Pretty much there, perhaps one never looses a bit of that insecurity and perhaps that isn't a bad thing. Now I need to take another step and know myself well enough as well as what I want in a woman to find and attract the sort of woman who while strong and powerful, craves what I want to give, that when we struggle for power, that when I push her boundaries, that despite the immediate resistance that ultimately that is where she wants to go. This way I do not have to choose between expressing my dominance fully and having the romantic love in my life that feeds my soul. I have yet to do this although I think I am about to find out if I have.

RRafe -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 6:04:06 AM)
I think it comes from insecurity-worrying that caring for a slave that deeply will cause a loss of control. But the opposite is usually true..........it really depends on how one controls one's own mind as an Owner.

DS4DUMMIES -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 6:05:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. I've always imagined when I find the right master, that I would love him, but I also thought that he would love me too, although we would both express our love in very different ways. But what I want to know is, do most people think like this really? That love has no place in M/s, or was it just a bad experience? Love certainly has a place in this kind of relationship. I have lived this in the past, and know unequivocally that it is not only possible, but that for me at least, it is vital as breathing. I consider a D/s relationship, the most romantic union possible. I recently posted on this as part of a larger view... http://www.collarchat.com/m_1240921/tm.htm To not be able to look into the eyes of my very spent lady, who has just given me everything she has and then more - and be able to say " I love you with all I am, all I have and all I will ever be..."....I cannot imagine not feeling that way. Love was never a hinderance to sadism, nor my ability to lead/control the woman I loved. It's riskier in many ways because as in any love relationship as opposed to a casual one - there is now something to lose. Certainly there are people who do not need love in all this and that is fine for them. I know some very nice folks in the D/s world who see love roughly akin to wearing a garlic tuxedo to a vampire ball...:) It would just never work for me to not have it - on all levels. DS4

ownedgirlie -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 6:06:52 AM)
I am loved quite well by my Master. At the beginning, as he took ownership of me, I told him I will never ask him to love me, nor expect him to. If he did, he did, but I needed to belong to him regardless. He let me love him the way I needed to love. He let me give the way I needed to give. He has, in fact, come to love me, and I feel it daily. Even more so lately. It is not a romantic love. It is a different kind of love, and one I would not trade for anything. Three years into this wonderful relationship with him and his love has never once taken his power away.

RRafe -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 6:10:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Stolen from another thread http://www.collarchat.com/m_966138/mpage_3/key_love%252Cimmature/tm.htm#968613 http://www.collarchat.com/m_1085614/mpage_1/key_love%252Cimmature/tm.htm#1134469 Love and BDSM has been a difficult combination for me but for ME it has been difficult not because of anything innate to the two but to my own personal issues. At first I felt that one needed to be able to end the relationship in order to control and that if I was in love I couldn't do that. I felt that way because I was immature. The ones I was able to dominate were not the ones I wanted. If I "wanted" them I became weak, I needed them and would play it safe rather than risk losing them. Various shades of this as I matured, this is all in my mid to late '30s and even into my last relationship. I have long known I do not choose women who I most want, I cull one off from the herd, some sort of emotional straggler. Then a part of me looks down on her/wants to fix her up. My best relationships were ones where I didn't exactly pick the woman, a blind date here, a response to an ad, and a woman at work who chased me are probably my better relationships. My last partner while a mixed bag, was a woman who I think was the break for me of my prior patterns. A woman I had become friends with, actual friends as she was a Domme and I respect that. Long story but we began a long and wonderful relationship, one where I grew a great deal. So I have slowly grown to where I now at least pick out the leader of the pack so to speak rather than culling someone from the herd. So now I date women I want which makes being in love FAR more risky and since one doesn't want to lose such an amazing woman, this is where the whole "must be able to end it" rational comes in. To do so you need to have the emotional security to know that if you end it with this amazing woman, that you can find and attract another. However, for me I still feel that is an immature response. Where I WANT to be, my GOAL is to know I can attract and keep an amazing woman because I am worthy of her. Pretty much there, perhaps one never looses a bit of that insecurity and perhaps that isn't a bad thing. Now I need to take another step and know myself well enough as well as what I want in a woman to find and attract the sort of woman who while strong and powerful, craves what I want to give, that when we struggle for power, that when I push her boundaries, that despite the immediate resistance that ultimately that is where she wants to go. This way I do not have to choose between expressing my dominance fully and having the romantic love in my life that feeds my soul. I have yet to do this although I think I am about to find out if I have. I have heard it said that "the one with the most power in a relationship is the one with the least to lose." From a pure power perspective this is true. It's also emotional blackmail-which is a terribly immature response. I fell it better to excercise a perogative by desiring to maintain a connection-rather than weakening it. Most of what we find in relationships stems from valuations we have of each other. I wouls also prefer that my mutual value with one I cared about increase-rather than the opposite. Needless to say, tearing down another to build myself up is not a part of dynamics I would excercise. We both deserve better.

possessedone -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 6:16:32 AM)
i love my Master...and the more He controls me, the more He humiliates me, the more power he exerts as Master just deepens that love for Him, and i have told Him so.....He has never said He loves me, and i do not expect Him too.....it is enough to know that He cares and see the expression of that

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 6:31:49 AM)
Not all want or need love in their relationships. I personally do it makes that connection I have with him much deeper. It is a personal thing as to what kind of relationship each wants and if love should be a part of that.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 7:07:17 AM)
You know if there's anything that helps support my perspective that a majority of doms are insecure and use their dominance as a shield from dealing with actual relationship issues, I think it's how often this topic comes up and how many doms really DO freak out at the concept of love and intimacy. A

Jeffff -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 7:21:28 AM)
What utter nonsense Jeff

Bobkgin -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 7:35:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross You know if there's anything that helps support my perspective that a majority of doms are insecure and use their dominance as a shield from dealing with actual relationship issues, I think it's how often this topic comes up and how many doms really DO freak out at the concept of love and intimacy. A I've been pointing that out every time I'm on a board. Why do you think they hound me so?

Celeste43 -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 7:39:57 AM)
Anybody who would become angry at the possibility of love is in a d/s relationship as a way to avoid emotional intimacy. That works for him, who is afraid to risk being hurt, who is too afraid to risk rejection. It doesn't work for me. And one of the things I needed from the start was to know my dom was secure enough to risk rejection. We're in love, we're together over four years now. Tell Mr Insecure that although you're submissive, you aren't ever going to be his submissive. And let people know early on that without them being open to the chance of love happening, you aren't open to talking with them.

domiguy -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 7:41:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross You know if there's anything that helps support my perspective that a majority of doms are insecure and use their dominance as a shield from dealing with actual relationship issues, I think it's how often this topic comes up and how many doms really DO freak out at the concept of love and intimacy. A I've been pointing that out every time I'm on a board. Why do you think they hound me so? I thought it was because you rammed a bunny up your butt.

BeachMystress -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 7:50:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr never Ah, the preface of the One Twue Wayer. Anytime anyone speaks in absolutes, take them with a grain of salt. Who knows it if was a bad experience, is a result of poor education and lack of real time experience or is just someone with their head up their own ass. In any case, as shown by the previous responses, it is not true. I've had subs I've loved and ones I didn't. The ones I didn't love as at least friends didn't last more than a few months with me. Without some type of connection it was almost like masturbation for me. (An incomplete act.) Currently, I am head-over-heels-crazy-in-love with my submissive husband. It has been this way for years and should continue this way for years to come.

Aileen68 -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 7:52:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. I've always imagined when I find the right master, that I would love him, but I also thought that he would love me too, although we would both express our love in very different ways. But what I want to know is, do most people think like this really? That love has no place in M/s, or was it just a bad experience? Some people want love. For some it's not a requirement. If you require love then you need to search for a dom that does also. Simple as that.

CreativeDominant -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 7:53:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. I've always imagined when I find the right master, that I would love him, but I also thought that he would love me too, although we would both express our love in very different ways. But what I want to know is, do most people think like this really? That love has no place in M/s, or was it just a bad experience? You can either have love in a D/s or M/s relationship or not. Some do, some don't. I prefer to have it in an ongoing, intense relationship but the absence of love does not prevent me from being able to play casually...but again, I do not expect the level of commitment from a casual encounter or casual relationship. You have a right to let someone know that what they are doing makes you feel unloved. You have a right not to engage in those activities. You have a right to define what your slavery means to you but remember...others have their definition of a slave versus a submissive and to them, you might not fit either. Find a master whose definition matches yours and who feels about love the same way that you do if you have to have love in your D/s or M/s relationship.

stef -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 8:10:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy I thought it was because you rammed a bunny up your butt. I'm surprised it fits considering what appears to regularly occupy that space. ~stef

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 8:12:29 AM)
You had to bring poor defenseless bunnies into this? That's just wrong.

domiguy -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 8:15:25 AM)
No bunnies were harmed in the making of this post...Save for the ones rammed up Bob's hiney...they suffered immensely before thankfully expiring.

toservez -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 8:17:45 AM)
Beware of Bunnies! “Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes! They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses! And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?” – Anya from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Aileen68 -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 8:20:43 AM)
Which would be funnier? To have the little bunny fluffy tail sticking out of bob's butt or the bunny head?

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