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burningdesires47 -> RE: What does "A Dom you are seeing" mean? (9/2/2007 5:20:57 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Celeste43
It means just what you're afraid it means, you're a bit on the side to him. He isn't committed to you in any way nor will he do so in the future.
As far as you developing feelings for him, that's up to you. Are you okay having strong attachments to a man who views you as totally dispensable? If you are willing to deal with the eventual pain when he gets tired of you, then keep seeing him. If you need a relationship where the attachment levels are the same, then get out of this relationship and start looking for someone else. Up to you.
I must interject here.
How do you know that just because he is not currently committed to her, that he never will? How do you know that he views her as dispensable? How do you know he will get tired of her? You have absolutely not way of knowing these things, unless you are the Dom in question (in which case, why indicate otherwise?) and I don't think that making assumptions about another person's lifestyle or character is going to help the OP.
To the OP:
As your Dom if he is a polyamorist. As him if he typically leads a lifestyle of non-monogamy, and what that means to his subs/slaves. If he says no (or, says no and doesn't give you some other term for the non-monogamous lifestyle he follows), RUN because he's lying, either to you or someone else or probably even himself.
But if he actually wants to talk to you about this non-monogamy thing, or if you indicate a need to understand your place in the pecking order, so to speak, I would think, if you are both people who value the feelings of the sub/slave, that he would be willing to explain the situation from his angle to you. Now, if you do not think that your feelings are important, I sincerely doubt you'd be here asking us about this. If you DO feel your feelings are important, and he doesn't... then you need to ask yourself whether that's something you can live with in a relationship. If not, then who cares about the rest of it, you just decided you won't be happy with him, other girl or not.
When I'm single, I "see" people. I'm engaged and I "see" people (but then I admit to being poly). "Seeing" someone usually involves, for me, some kind of regular, more-than-friends, more than fuck-buddies interaction, and some kind of interest for the relationship to progress (or occasionally, simply a lack of interest to lose the relationship, and an interest in seeing whether the relationship can and will progress). "Seeing" someone means, to me, that I haven't written them off as a lover quite yet, and we're actively seeing if that type of relationship is possible.
Now, in some cultures here in America, "seeing" someone means you have dated (probably once), probably had sex (again, once or maybe twice) and that one person (or possibly both) has (have) an expectation of monogamy without any conversation about expectations and status.
Suffice it to say, "seeing" someone is a testing stage between friends and something more committed. It's when you're "seeing" whether this person is worth your time, whether the two of your are compatible.
In the instance of D/s, I would say that it means there are some rules for the sub to follow, it's the negotiation stage before you two truly decide to continue. Maybe you make plans a couple weeks out, but neither of you are probably talking or thinking months ahead, because you're unsure about the future of the relationship.
That was his nice way of saying "I don't know about you yet, let's just see where this goes." But I think you owe it to both of you, so as not to waste your time, to find out whether he believes in multiple partners, what those beliefs are regarding the honesty involved with having multiple partners, and if you can be with someone who has those expectations.
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