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Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 3:38:37 AM

subversiveone

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
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So, i have a lil prob. Daddy tells me that i bruise rather easily and they take a long time to heal.
i never paid much attn until recently.
my boobs are covered w/bruises right now and i have an ob/gyn appt on the 21st.
Do you think the Dr. will say anything?
is it true that the Dr. could report it as abuse? This is a new Dr. to me, first visit.
if he says anything, should i just tell him it's from rough sex?
And lastly, while i doubt he'll see them, i have some scars and some long term-healing places on my ass too. i plan on keeping my ass down on the table, so that shouldn't be a factor.
Are you easily bruised and if so, how do you deal w/that?

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RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 5:22:26 AM

sweetnygirl

Posts: 106
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I have the same problem so when I need to see the Dr., Sir generally tries to avoid leaving marks where they'll be seen, and for awhile I was seeing lots of Drs which made things creative on his part. I did make sure when I found my new gynecologist that he was kink friendly to avoid any potential problems, but you should tell him that you have rough sex at the very least. I did have to have emergency surgery and at the time had bruises and lash marks on my breasts when they did the EKG & the tech didn't even blink, on the other hand my mom's eyes just about bugged out of her head, but she didn't say a word either. This has been my experience so I hope it helps.

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RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 5:31:10 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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I'd say be honest generally, but vague. So yes, "I like getting into rough sex" very calmly and maturely is the best way to let them know what you are doing (which they NEED to know) without having him freak out (which you DONT need).

I mark pretty easily and I've simply had enough experience with doctors at this point to act confident and nonchalant about them- it takes practice.

(in reply to subversiveone)

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RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 6:55:52 AM

imtempting

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Aint doctors kept to an oath not to talk about things you tell them?

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RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 7:00:45 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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Unless they know something illegal is going on or think life is in danger (I'm pretty sure)

Same for therapists and priests and lawyers.

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RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 7:35:55 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
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Use some ultrabrite toothpaste on the bruises on a regular basis and they should fade before the appointment.

best regards,
fate

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RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 9:53:32 AM

Isolde

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
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Be honest but don't go into a lot of detail, as others have suggested here. If you act as if you're ashamed or overly embarassed (avoiding eye-contact, stuttering over an explanation, long silences) then you're more likely to get The Domestic Abuse Talk from your physician. Being matter of fact, stating plainly that you enjoy rough sex and avoiding any of the usual 'I'm lying' cues is the best way to go about it. You can bet that your doctor has seen everything under the sun and more, so if you're honest they're much more likely to just shrug and move on.

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 7

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 10:04:51 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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This is very good advise, don't act as though you have something to hide.

Something else that happened to me in addition to the bruising was that my gyno found "possible indication of rape" because I also had bruises on my inner thighs and was rather roughed up in my lower areas. But I simply explained it to her and she understood, although I did have to speak with a social worker just in case (I go to a free clinic)

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Post #: 8

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 10:14:08 AM

SweetDommes

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Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Aint doctors kept to an oath not to talk about things you tell them?

Unfortunately for BDSMers, in the case of suspected abuse - no.

For some reason, no one seems to understand that even if you say a bruise isn't from abuse, that it was consensual/from rough sex/whatever, that doesn't automatically mean that they will drop it. Which is in part why I am no longer with S (for those of you who were following that saga) - he left bruises on both breasts, and one of the practitioners saw the larger of the two (damn scrub tops gape open at the worst moments) and made me take my shirt off and show her and explain where I got the marks from. S is pissy about it, saying that I should have just said "no, it isn't from abuse" and that would be the end of it - but after seeing so many people who have gone through this and it HASN'T been the end of it, I was taking no chances that he would be brought up on charges of any kind (and excuse the fuck out of me for thinking he'd be glad that he wasn't being accused of abuse *rolls eyes*). Anyway, doctors, therapists, social workers, nurses, etc have an obligation to report suspected abuse - if they don't, they are just as liable for the death of the abusee as the abuser, should it happen - and there have been cases where the abusee's family sued the doctors for it, so practitioners tend to be more than a little paranoid now.

To the OP - the other people here have given you good advice. Something else to consider - if you know that you bruise easily and heal slowly, and you know that you have a Dr appt coming up - put ice on the marks as soon as you are done with the scene. It minimises the bruising and will help prevent situations like this in the future.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 9

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 3:13:25 PM

bottominwa

Posts: 240
Joined: 7/20/2004
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The advice about whether or not you say it isn't abuse or not and whether you still will have to speak to a social worker is dead on...atleast here in WA. Not even D/s related..but M and i were moving a piano and the key cover came smashing down on my hand and broke three of my fingers....in the ER they made Him leave the room and asked me very directly if i had anything to tell them, since they also noticed bruising on my neck and arms which was ofcourse D/s related.
As was earlier stated the best advice is to be direct, look them straight in the eye and tell the truth. This is what i did, and they also didn't blink. Doctors see and hear it all. Especially gyn's people come in all the time with stuff stuck in them etc...lmao.
You may want to have your iron level checked since you are going to be at the doctor anyhow...anemia can cause easy bruising.

sabrina King

< Message edited by bottominwa -- 7/12/2005 3:15:53 PM >

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 10

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 5:42:36 PM

dominmd

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
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The docs are just being careful. Many women do get abused and don't want to report it. Being honest with good eye contact but also being a touch vague will work.

I am out of my league on this one because to date, I have never left a bruise on a woman. I am a sensual player. I can do what the sub asks and have no problems since I am still learning.

But as in dealing with people in BDSM, being honest and truthful can help in the vanilla world with docs. If that necessary, have your Dom go with you if they want to bring in a social worker. Go in separate then together. Explain your lifestyle. But try to be honest with the doc first, they see it all and hear it all. A smidge of honesty at the start can save you a load of hurt at the end.

(in reply to bottominwa)

Post #: 11

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 6:06:51 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Unless they know something illegal is going on or think life is in danger (I'm pretty sure)

Same for therapists and priests and lawyers.

And teachers.

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Post #: 12

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 6:27:25 PM

sweetnygirl

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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As a side note I also blame my cat for any lash marks or scratches that end up being seen, especially since half the time I never know who caused them anyway.<g>

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Post #: 13

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 6:49:30 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

we have learned that bruises can take up to a month to fade entirely on me. most of the time, i tell Him when i have doctor's appts, and which parts of me will be exposed. but when it came close to a gyn appt, and the bruises were still there in a light green, i was a bit worried. so i really do empathize with your post. we really do try not to do anything bruising for a month before appointments.

so far, though, the advice is very good. be direct, and honest, but try not to go for shock. be subtle.

after a session where Master ended the weekend by biting me along my shoulder and left shoulder blade and back... well, within a few days, i had some very angry welts raising right in those areas. i was sharing pictures with Him, and he was very worried that He had hurt me, or given me an infection, though He had not broken the skin.

the welts were at their worst and spreading on a Friday night, and i called the pharmacist the next morning, to see what sort of treatment i should use, and i had to tell him i thought it might have been where my "Boyfriend" bit me. The Pharmacist suggested i go to an urgent care clinic, because it sounded like shingles.

again, since the welts were in a roundish formation in some places, i told the PA that it could be bite marks. *l* he nearly dropped his clipboard, but managed to keep it together. The Doc looked, told me "Bless your heart!" and that i had the shingles. Joy of Joys.

if it had been bite-related, and i had tried to get a diagnosis without giving the Dr. all the information... it could have gotten much worse.

'sides, my Master felt much better.

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(in reply to subversiveone)

Post #: 14

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 7:33:00 PM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
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I am quite upfront with my Doctor(s). I walked into my Doctors office, sat down and told them that i am into S/M and that they would be seeing bruisez and or cuts from time to time. I asked them if this was something that they could deal with....if not, i would find one(s) that would. They had no problem with it.
A few years ago i moved to Arizona...needed to find a Gyno and family doctor...i found a few that were near me, went in to speak with them....told them what i was in to, that it was consensual, and did they have a problem with it? both answered no. I now have wonderfull doctors. My gyno. chuckles at me when i come in for an exam and i have bruises and says: good night?

I just think it's better to be up front...there ARE doctors out there that are savy to the form of play we do. They are not hard to find.....ask.

happy tuesday y'all!!

~smilezz~

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RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/12/2005 9:10:17 PM

siamsa24

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There is a product out there called arnica that is sold for bruising. It comes in both a pellet and cream form and it works wonders. You can find it at most health food stores

(in reply to sanita)

Post #: 16

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/13/2005 4:24:51 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

There is a product out there called arnica that is sold for bruising. It comes in both a pellet and cream form and it works wonders. You can find it at most health food stores

Awesome product! I use this often. Arnica Montana. It REALLY works and most bruises are gone in just a few days.

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RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/13/2005 6:48:10 AM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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I agree. Get the Arnica. You can also take it (pill form) before you play to minimize bruising. It's fantastic stuff.

I was pretty upfront with my ObGyn and she was pretty cool with it. We didn't discuss it in detail. What she wanted to know was if it was consentual.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 18

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/13/2005 7:52:38 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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i have to agree with what's been generally said by others: be direct and open, but you don't need to give details.

i've ran into this issue due to a couple dumb hobby accidents, active outdoorsing, and bdsm play. depending on the marks, the doc may wonder about both abuse and self-harm.

being clear that you're not hiding anything in your response is the best thing you can do. being your first time with the doc, it's best to handle it in the pre-interview before the physical exam starts. just saying, "hey, i don't want you to worry if/when you see them: i enjoy rough play and have marks on me from it today and from time-to-time".

throwing it on out there, casual and direct, puts them at ease about it being consentual and not a worry matter.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Bruising and going to the Dr. - 7/13/2005 1:00:42 PM

proudsub

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

As a side note I also blame my cat for any lash marks or scratches that end up being seen, especially since half the time I never know who caused them anyway.<g>

A few weeks ago my cat did leave scratches all over my breasts and stomach and it definitely looks like abuse. Never try to hold your cat in the car on the way to the vet (we couldn't get her in the carrier). One of my favorite t-shirts is a shredded rag now too.

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