Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Quality or quanity?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Quality or quanity? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 8:35:26 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		    Most of the time, I do not share my length of involvement in the lifestyle.   Back in the day, I was proud to crow, I have this many years experience in the lifestyle (that need for the limelight).   About the only time I throw it out there is if I am in one of my rare bitch moments and I am told by someone with less involvment that something I have stated is wrong.   For example, "OMG Squeakers you didn't have a safe call in place on a first meet, he could have been an predator, you are such a noob!"   "Yuck get a life call me in 20 years when you know what you are doing."  
Anyhow, my question is, is it quaility of ones involvment or the number of years that matters?  
For example---Suzie submissive is a 'newbie' to CM.   She reads the forums, and chats.   She has zilch experience just a desire.  (Just to speed things up), she hangs out for two months and meets a Dom, he's local (no complications).  They quickly go to a face to face, a year later after spending nearly weekend together for regular scenes and training.   They take it to a live-in level via collar/marriage or both doesn't matter.    For the first year things are great.   She calls him Master, they scene at least once a week, communication is good--perfection.   Then the true Dominant comes along, a little poop machine that goes from colic straight into terrible twos.   Suzie is tired, she is stressed, her mascara is dried up because she never has time to use it and there are still dishes in the sink from Christmas dinner and it's now the middle of July.   Master is working overtime every day, to pay for pampers (he's two years old and he has still not sat on that damn musical potty that cost  $75), clothes, doctor bills....    Suzie no longer calls Master, Master she calls him Daddy and not as in Daddy Dom and girl was replaced with Mommy.   Hell they do not even have real names anymore.   The only time they are not Mommy and Daddy is when they fight then it's Bitch and Bastard.    They don't scene anymore, they do not have sex any more, hell they rarely even speak anymore unless they fight.    Both want the D/s dynamic they just can no longer find it.   Bottom line, they had it, it got lost and now they end the relationship.   
   It is exactly five years since Suzie joined CM.    She heads back to CM.   She needs a D/s relationship and her first one soured---she has not explored why it did but she is seeking again.   Her profile now reads experienced submissive, 5 years in the lifestyle seeking Dominant with equal or greater experience.   
  Now it is true she does have 5 years totally invested into what began as a D/s relationship?  Based on this, does she have 5 years quality experience or 2 years?    And what is the quality of the experience if she has not explored the reasons the first relationship failed.  

< Message edited by Squeakers -- 9/1/2007 8:41:40 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 8:43:54 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		That was..confusing.

Suzie needs to ditch the baggage and start over.

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 8:44:39 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		ouch... you should warn mother's of UMs under 18 not to read this!  Man.

anyway.....no, she hasn't have 5 years of anything other than being occassional in my mind.  Though since we simply can not determine ever person's "true" (did I say true?) level of experience in anything in this world, we have to just gauge for ourselves as we meet and explore.  Is what I see before me right for me?  Yes? great.  No?  moving on.

I don't care about years, length of time lived doing this or that.  I care about the connect and the ability to be what I need/want.  I hope those in search of me feel the same.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 8:45:57 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		dammit,

I thought this thread was about cawwwk.

utterly disappointed.

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 8:53:55 AM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		Between the licks post and this one there seems to be a rash of math going on.

But to answer the question, at least as I understand it, I don't really worry about either. Sure, if someone says they're a hardcore masochist but has never had anything other than a gentle spanking, I take it with a grain of salt... but I tend to be much more concerned with desires/interests/etcetera than level of experience, either in quality or quantity. Experience is one of the things that can easily be acquired, while sense of humor/compassion/etcetera usually can't be.


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 8:56:11 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

ouch... you should warn mother's of UMs under 18 not to read this!  Man.

anyway.....no, she hasn't have 5 years of anything other than being occassional in my mind.  Though since we simply can not determine ever person's "true" (did I say true?) level of experience in anything in this world, we have to just gauge for ourselves as we meet and explore.  Is what I see before me right for me?  Yes? great.  No?  moving on.

I don't care about years, length of time lived doing this or that.  I care about the connect and the ability to be what I need/want.  I hope those in search of me feel the same.
   LOL exaggeration (where the hell is spell check) is fun.   But, you followed what I was saying.    If someone tells me they have x amount of years, involvement, it means nothing if the experience was not quaility, meaning like you said  the ability to know what they want and further how they expect to get it.

< Message edited by Squeakers -- 9/1/2007 9:00:35 AM >

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 8:58:57 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

That was..confusing.

Suzie needs to ditch the baggage and start over.
What part was confussing?   It was a exaggerated hypothetical senerio.  What baggage?   The little poopfactory?   Hells bells she does not want to work---the poopfactory is her meal ticket.   Her former works for Bill Gates and gets overtime.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 9:10:23 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

That was..confusing.

Suzie needs to ditch the baggage and start over.
What part was confussing?   It was a exaggerated hypothetical senerio.  What baggage?   The little poopfactory?   Hells bells she does not want to work---the poopfactory is her meal ticket.   Her former works for Bill Gates and gets overtime.


Shrugs.........people make things far too complicated to get a few thrills-why make it hard?

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 9:11:04 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		So what are you saying, she doesn't truly have five years experience unless she's being beaten every single night for five years? So she needs to add up the days she didn't scene because she saw a movie, had the flu, visited friends etc?

You don't get to decide the quality of someone else's experience. How dare you set yourself up as the arbiter and supreme judge of twueness?

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 9:16:19 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

That was..confusing.

Suzie needs to ditch the baggage and start over.
What part was confussing?   It was a exaggerated hypothetical senerio.  What baggage?   The little poopfactory?   Hells bells she does not want to work---the poopfactory is her meal ticket.   Her former works for Bill Gates and gets overtime.


everybody works for bill gates lol everytime there is problem it is part of the microsoft empire.. um did someone say math i know there are suduko people on here i can sense them math will never be the same

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 9:26:57 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		Suzie needs to turn off the computer, and invest some time in herself, figure out who the heck she is now, what she wants, where shes going, what shes doing in life...and when shes got that all figured out...THEN start talking to people in what ever role she feels attracted to in whatever venue she feels comfortable in...cause umm from personal experience...a relationship is not the place to find yourself...it is the place to loose yourself if you don't have a firm grip on who you are already...

so umm...in summation...i would rather have a 9 inch cock that lasted 45 minutes than ten 4.5 inch cocks that lasted 10 minutes each...

chelle...who would be happy with a 7.5" that last 25 minutes...yes that would be nice...damn....i am horny....

edited for relevency....i missread one little word...


< Message edited by chellekitty -- 9/1/2007 9:29:53 AM >

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 9:46:49 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

So what are you saying, she doesn't truly have five years experience unless she's being beaten every single night for five years? So she needs to add up the days she didn't scene because she saw a movie, had the flu, visited friends etc?

You don't get to decide the quality of someone else's experience. How dare you set yourself up as the arbiter and supreme judge of twueness?
  Where in my post did I say she must be beaten every night for five years?   Where did I say she needed to add up the days she didn't scene and I assume you mean subtract them?   Are we sensitive on this issue?  
     I am not judging anyone Suzie is a made up person and I purposely added humor to my little fictious senerio to make the point that it was fictional.   The point that you obviously missed was, what works the quanity of experience or the quaility?   If a person is in a 'D/s' (notice the quotes) relationship for 5 years,  and there is NO D/s dynamic (not just scenes cause that is not all of it) for half of the relationship, can you count all five years or it is the quaility of the orginal dynamic that sincerely counts.   What did she learn in the beginning of that relationship?   Was the dynamic strong enough to keep it alive even when life abruptly changed and became different?   Does she need to learn more about herself  and discover what she is really after before she takes the plunge again?  Or should she simply close herself off to learning and growth and allow the years to pass and with each passing year change the number of years on her profile?    

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 12:00:30 PM   
kshearsecouple


Posts: 171
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'd say quality........I'd rather have a girl enjoy what she is what she does and learn to be better.  Quanity doens't mean better..just my 2 cents

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 12:48:50 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers
Or should she simply close herself off to learning and growth and allow the years to pass and with each passing year change the number of years on her profile?    


The number of years means little to many people anyway.  What are you made of, what is your essence?  What are you offering?  That's what I'd want to know.  Everything else is secondary, if not farther back than that.

As for the scenario, if one little pooper added all that chaos, they've got issues to work through.  It was humorous, but does display that Suzie's got some self discipline issues, and Master wasn't really Master. 

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 2:30:59 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		Well, i now feel old as dirt!! LOL

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

   Most of the time, I do not share my length of involvement in the lifestyle.   Back in the day, I was proud to crow, I have this many years experience in the lifestyle (that need for the limelight).  


_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 3:49:21 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers
Or should she simply close herself off to learning and growth and allow the years to pass and with each passing year change the number of years on her profile?    


The number of years means little to many people anyway.  What are you made of, what is your essence?  What are you offering?  That's what I'd want to know.  Everything else is secondary, if not farther back than that.

As for the scenario, if one little pooper added all that chaos, they've got issues to work through.  It was humorous, but does display that Suzie's got some self discipline issues, and Master wasn't really Master. 
   You are more insightful about Master and Suzie than I was, but I think we all know who really had control over Master and Suzie.  

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 4:23:48 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Suzie has had at least 5 yrs of being lifestyle aware combined with regular r/l D/s experiences but, as happens to most of us in one form or another, real life in general has overridden it.  Afterall, there is still only 24hrs in the day.  Probably what she (or they) failed to do in their relationship was to set aside some time just for themselves.
 
Your question is in error to ask A), whether she has 2 or 5 yrs experience because, of the two, she has 5 and B), to try and define the "quality" of experience over that time as compared to the quality of an individual experience, for example.  Everyone gets screwed around by real life, esp if it's rugrats or sick rellies....
 
As for your second question, I think if you dwell on why one relationship failed, you're just as likely to overcompensate next time round and get the same end result.  It didn't work out but there's not always a tangible reason why, esp when there doesn't seem to be any question of infidelity here. 
 
Kids of any age do NOT mix well with D/s so you either work around it by specifically setting aside personal time to connect (like a weekend away, for eg) or you learn to do without the D/s.  But no-one does the D/s literally 24/7; we all need time to re-centre and refresh etc and that still doesn't include the intrusion of 3rd parties upon our time. Usually the only variable is degree....

Focus.

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 5:31:00 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		What you're asking might be related to the more general, "Who knows more?  A younger or an older person?".  Considering this may help you find your answer.

As a matter of correlation, older (more experienced) individuals will typcially know more.  It's important to point out that this levels off (at some point, people are forgetting as much as they take in; at this point, and just before it, such an individual doesn't really know anymore than they did before).  It's likely that someone with 35-years experience isn't considerably inclined to know more than one with 30-years experiences.

At what point an individual levels off, or when this point comes, will likely be a function of their capacity, in-take, and forgetfulness; a balance of the in-take with forgetfulness, constrained by the capacity.  This would seem to be a reasonable system of consideration with regards to quality vs. quantity in considering an individual's aptitude in many things, an instance of which being the BDSM lifestyle.

Edit:  I typo'd "correlation" as "corellation".  While I normally don't care about typos enough to edit them, that one just struck me as an eye sore.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 9/1/2007 5:41:17 PM >

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 5:50:25 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

 
As for your second question, I think if you dwell on why one relationship failed, you're just as likely to overcompensate next time round and get the same end result.  It didn't work out but there's not always a tangible reason why, esp when there doesn't seem to be any question of infidelity here.  
 
    Personally, I have always reflected on why a relationship did not work.   By reflecting on it, in a positive healthy way, I look for my own errors in the relationship.    When I find things I could have done differently I can use these skills the next time around.   Reflecting also gives me a better idea of the type of partner I might be more compatible with.  

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Quality or quanity? - 9/1/2007 6:12:45 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		It isn't the length of time that gives you experience it is what you learn and take from it and how you grow from it that gives you experience.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Quality or quanity? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109