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anastasia07 -> slavehood... (9/1/2007 3:26:40 PM)
Greetings, Being newly owned and collared, this girl's run into some amazing things. To say that the last couple of months has been a roller coaster ride would definitely be an understatement. There are so many joys and the experiences this girl's had are at times, overwhelming. However, even the "bad" times, she's found joy in (though most often in hindsight) and am curious about some of the struggles, lessons and joys others experienced (or are experiencing). For this girl, the biggest shock and struggle she's had is with control... laughs.. go figure, huh? It's amazing that while obedience is something that comes with great joy and ease, there are so, so, SOOOooo many other issues that involve control that this girl never realized. So she wonders... have others experienced similar awakenings and all that come with them.... shock, fear, heartbreak, disbelief.. and then incredible freedom and release? (not speaking sexually, though that too has happened). How have you dealt with such things while "in the thick of it", so to speak? Thank you in advance for sharing. Best wishes and a most relaxing and enjoyable holiday weekend to all. Blessings, ~anastasia Property of ResidentSadist

ownedgirlie -> RE: slavehood... (9/1/2007 3:43:57 PM)
Yes, yes, and yes again!! It's amazing how many things we realize we are giving over. And with each step, I'd have this inner "WTF???" reaction without even realizing it. Sure, he can tell me "Go do XYZ" and lickity split, I'd be off doing XYZ. But handing over aspects of myself...of my heart, of my mind, of how I do things, etc., were more difficult the more deeply I submitted. Celeste (BitaTruble) says something that resonated strongly with me, and helped me a great deal. And that is to serve as he wishes to be served, not as I wish to serve him. I may want to fuss and dote over him, but maybe he doesn't want fussing and doting. That is an area of control that I had to give over. Giving over my desire for a specific type of affection was especially difficult. He does not readily give such affection, and I had to come to understand, this is his body. He owns it. He can do what he wants with it and that's not just in "play." He can kiss it, he can belt it, he can hug it, he can caress it....but when he wants to, and on his terms, not mine. It was not an edict for me to give. That was probably the hardest bit of control that I struggled with, and the funny thing is, once I overcame it, the world was my oyster with him. I realized it was not really a need, but a want, and when I let go of subtly demanding (how's that for a phrase) to give me what I wanted, I got everything I needed and more. Best of luck to you on your journey! Although I don't much believe in luck - our journeys are what we make them to be. But I wish you all the best!!

fairerthanshe -> RE: slavehood... (9/1/2007 4:28:54 PM)
Greetings sweet sister, We have discussed so much of our common journeys through other means, but I wanted to share how much I admire and respect you. I am so happy that you are with your Master, sharing your life with him on a daily basis. I had a situation last night and this morning that left me a little pouty and down in the mouth. Luckily, I was not in his presence for this episode and was able to work through the issue and return to a less self centered mode. It is not an easy thing to do. The last thing I want is for him to see me acting bratty and yet, at some point, he will and I know he will call me on it, quickly and without hesitation. I don't want to hide that part of me, but I will also be embarassed when he finally does see it. I don't know if that makes sense, but I hope it does. Much love, affection and support flows your way, dearest sis ~ fairer than she

twistedkytten -> RE: slavehood... (9/1/2007 9:39:37 PM)
Oh yes! the joys of those inner momments... some have really freaked me out... and each time I go to Master and ask.... He really comes up with such simple reasons ones that make me think... duh!

breatheasone -> RE: slavehood... (9/2/2007 12:34:31 AM)
I have struggled with loss of control...which by the way is what i crave most. I believe Master and I have both struggled in our own ways as we've gotten closer and more deeply entangled in each other. My difficulty hasn't been with surrendering, but with the acceptance of what being owned really is. There is a sentence that sums it up best....and i'm going to quote my Master here, "Candace, in Me you are free." As i exercise that freedom...and my devotion deepens....i honor my Master ...the giver of that freedom, and we become more one.

anastasia07 -> RE: slavehood... (9/2/2007 2:41:04 AM)
Good morning, girls The responses here are wonderful so far, thank you all so very much! ~ownedgirlie... what an awesome reply! Thank you so very much for sharing. The honesty and candor in your words touched this girl deeply as you hit the nail on the head with the struggles that this girl has too... she just wasn't able to word it as precisely as you. Again, thank you! That inner "WTF" reaction you described.... if it's not too personal, would you mind sharing a bit about how you dealt with that, please? The situation(s) that create that feeling within this girl cause immense confusion, often mingled with hurt and a feeling of having been displeasing .. of having failed, which tends to wind up in a vicious circle which she finds extremely difficult to snap herself out of. That of course, only leads to more trouble. ~hugs fairerthanshe~ It's so good to see and hear from you again, dear one, thank you for responding! This girl's missed you terribly and she returns your admiration and respect ten-fold - you're a blessing to all. The brattyness you refer to... sighs.. unfortunately, is related to well and ties in with what a girl was referring to with ownedgirlie as well. That vicious circle this girl gets caught up in.... if she would only learn to give it up, to give in sooner, it would save so much friction and heartache. To be completely honest, it is a matter of pride.. something a girl should not have (in these terms anyway) and another great struggle for this one. Thank you for sharing this too. twistedkytten - smiles... ahh yes.. those "duh" moments lol. Masters seem to have a way with them, huh? All the best to you and your Master and here's hoping for more of those joys! Thank you for your reply. breathasone- this girl relates to the loss of control as being what it most craved as well. What she finds amazing to her are the little things that are control issues.. things she never even realized were such. For this girl, much of it deals with issues relating to the "um's".... having been alone for many years, with many "um's".... the routines and experience have taught this girl much. What she must learn is that it is not her duty, responsibility to take those lessons away from Master... even if it's been proven a hundred times over that His way just isn't going to turn out well..... laughs softly. It is all perspective, this girl's learning.... and her's does not match with His. The trick is not so much in learning that... lol.. it's painfully obvious... but in learning His perspective. There have been so many times that Master's said this girl's been disrespectful and her jaw has hit the floor in disbelief while tears immediately stream down her cheeks.... the reasons why a girl does one thing is viewed so completely different than what really is.... It truly astounds this girl and is one of the hardest things she's having to learn so far. To all of you who've responded so far, this girl wishes to offer her deepest gratitude and appreciation, for many reasons, though the biggest is that you've all taught her a great lesson. In the past, this girl's held off sharing some of her feelings in fear that those feelings were wrong... they very well may be... but.. she is not alone in them. You all have proven that and the realization that it's only a lesson needing to be learned and not a sign of failure ... smiles... she could not see that in herself until she was able to see it in others... you. Thank you all so very much. Hugs to you all and again, heartfelt gratitude and appreciation for teaching a girl some very valuable lessons.. she looks forward to hearing more. Blessings, ~anastasia

lossofcontrol -> RE: slavehood... (9/2/2007 3:12:56 AM)
Dammit. I DO believe i wish to surrender totally, but even the baby steps i have taken toward this being a possibility has resulted in autodrive being engaged in hanging onto my (yes MY life). Part of the reason is that due to some past experiences, i don't have a strong level of trust in others and also a fear of abandonment. To expose myself to an increased possibility of this (merely by virtue of getting close to someone) results in all sorts of psychological 'coping' mechanisms swinging into play. These are virtually sub-conscious and i don't know im doing it until well down the tract. These triggers are all to do with non-BDSM issues, so how do i cope wtih them? i don't even know how because they are so deeply rooted.

anastasia07 -> RE: slavehood... (9/2/2007 4:06:32 AM)
Good morning, lossofcontrol... Ahh yes, those good ole psychological and defense mechanisms, this girl knows them well. For her, unfortunately, it comes down to trust. Something she hates to admit. Trusting with what she calls "surface issues" is fine, it is the deeper, more emotional issues that she has the most trouble with and often times, like you... well under way before she even realizes it. When this girl is hurt, usually, if not always, due to a misperception on her part, a wall goes up and she disconnects herself from her Master. Becoming reconnected involves, to varying degrees and at different times, a combination of swallowing her pride, and making herself oh so vulnerable to being hurt again.. the very thing that brought the wall up to begin with. laughs The really hard part for this girl is when Master INSISTS on making her kneel before Him, looking Him straight in the eyes while He holds her when she does this... sighs. Why is that so damn difficult? To honestly tell Him how she feels, how she perceived things and the feelings that it created within her is hard enough... usually because she feels she is wrong for having felt those feelings in the first place... but having to be so close at the same time... about kills her. To open oneself up completely.. to let Him see the reasons behind the "bad stuff" is harder for this girl than acting badly in the first place.. which shames her to say. The self-rightousness and/or indignation at His perceived wrong that she feels is absolutely horrifying to her. Again... perceptions and trust.. the giving and unfolding of our truest selves to One... a most beautiful yet terrifying thing indeed... Something this girl did not realize the depths of until now. Thank you for helping her see and admit those faults... The journey is longer and more winding, yet so miraculous and awe-inspiring than she ever realized.. thank you. May the blessings you've given this girl be returned to you a thousand times over. Best wishes, ~anastasia

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: slavehood... (9/2/2007 4:46:31 PM)
A great majority of subs and slaves are control freaks- it's part of what draws them towards authority transfer relationships to begin with.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: slavehood... (9/2/2007 6:50:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross A great majority of subs and slaves are control freaks- it's part of what draws them towards authority transfer relationships to begin with. Who me, a control freak? You hit the nail on the head with that one for me.

AEslaveM -> RE: slavehood... (9/4/2007 9:09:10 PM)
hello, all...........i am a relatively new to the idea slave, but have been submissive for a long time without realizing what in the h*** was going on inside my mind...........i was SO sure that there was "something wrong" with me..........! i met my master a couple of months ago, and at that time, was TOTALLY unaware of the fact that he was MY master..........We started "dating" and he very slowly and subtly woke my mind and my SOUL to the fact that i was a slave deep down.............now he is very gently but firmly ouch leading me deeper into myself and my role as HIS slave..... i started to read some of the posts here, and found myself in so many of the posts!!! i still have a lot of questions, and am finding a lot of answers here...........thank you ALL very much for the information you share among yourselves! i continue to ask Master question after question, and bless his heart, he is more than patient with me! i am still getting to know him, and his ways, and he has been probably more lenient than he should be with me at times. He is beginning to correct me more quickly now, and i find that much less confusing.....i guess i am just more in need of absolute boundaries right now........... i spend a lot of time with him, and he has begun collaring me when i get to his house. i can't BELIEVE what a difference THAT makes in my mind set. He also started yesterday having me sit on the floor unless invited to sit elsewhere, or unless i ask to sit on the couch or any other place, and that sure makes more sense to me........... He said today that he is going to be adding tasks and quicker correction, and for some reason those things will make life much easier for me. He also told me that he realized that maybe i needed more detail in direction finally, and actually apologized to me for making it more difficult than it should have been for me.........! i was shocked to hear him say that! But, in reading more of the posts, i understand that THAT is a very awesome attribute in a Master! Lucky me! i think i am lucky to have had him find me, as he is so many of the things i have always wanted in a man, and didn't realize that i was actually looking for a master. He WANTS me to be a good slave as much as i want to be a good slave, and he is more than willing to guide me along that path. For that, i am very grateful.......... Thank you all again for being so helpful to one finding her way................... MasterAngelo's slave

Mercnbeth -> RE: embracing slavehood... (9/5/2007 8:12:16 AM)
being Master's slave, embracing "slavehood" is ALL joy...there hasn't been any struggles, shock, heartbreak or fear associated with it. this slave struggled in previous relationships(none were formally D/s or M/s) where she was supposed to retain a certain amount of control and have an "equal" partnership in decision making and whatnot. this slave also struggled in relationships that required her to assume a dominant role, even from time to time. before becoming Master's slave, her masochistic and submissive nature was ridiculed by previous partners and the suggestion was often made that this slave "get some professional help for that". those relationships were hard work and incredibly difficult journeys that this slave is glad are behind her!!!

toservez -> RE: slavehood... (9/5/2007 9:23:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross A great majority of subs and slaves are control freaks- it's part of what draws them towards authority transfer relationships to begin with. I know I have commented on this before but I do not disagree with this statement but to buff it up and shine with a different light. I would not call it control freaks as much as I think us submissives do not like ambiguity in our lives. Uncertainty and the unknown is not my friend.

toservez -> RE: slavehood... (9/5/2007 9:31:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anastasia07 Greetings, Being newly owned and collared, this girl's run into some amazing things. To say that the last couple of months has been a roller coaster ride would definitely be an understatement. There are so many joys and the experiences this girl's had are at times, overwhelming. However, even the "bad" times, she's found joy in (though most often in hindsight) and am curious about some of the struggles, lessons and joys others experienced (or are experiencing). For this girl, the biggest shock and struggle she's had is with control... laughs.. go figure, huh? It's amazing that while obedience is something that comes with great joy and ease, there are so, so, SOOOooo many other issues that involve control that this girl never realized. So she wonders... have others experienced similar awakenings and all that come with them.... shock, fear, heartbreak, disbelief.. and then incredible freedom and release? (not speaking sexually, though that too has happened). How have you dealt with such things while "in the thick of it", so to speak? Thank you in advance for sharing. Best wishes and a most relaxing and enjoyable holiday weekend to all. Blessings, ~anastasia Property of ResidentSadist As other have said you sound very normal and that is so refreshing to read. You made me smile big time with your messages. Part of being a slave is learning to throw away things we have controlled in the past and or making judgments of right or wrong on how things should be or should be done and living for the moments. I have been in three power exchange relationships and each and every time I have to relearn these very thoughts. It may get easier but it still can shock the system. I have found for me the best way to deal with things of this nature is to just question myself when I feel my brain churning why or I could do it better this way type thoughts by asking myself internally questions like “is it really a big deal to do it this way” or “is the end result going to be the same”. In addition to these thoughts when I struggle I also just focus on my main pleasure in seeing my Master happy and that most of the time can trump my other thoughts. In the end I think you will find how freeing it can be by being able to relinquish these type of thoughts and struggles that so many of them truly turn out to be near meaningless and just have added stress to your life.

BeingChewsie -> RE: slavehood... (9/5/2007 1:21:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross A great majority of subs and slaves are control freaks- it's part of what draws them towards authority transfer relationships to begin with. [sm=dance.gif].."Hello my name is Chewsie and I am a control freak." Being owned gets me that controlled and systematic world I want to live in without having to be the one orchestrating it. I get to sit back and live in it.

Daddysjezzy -> RE: slavehood... (9/5/2007 1:35:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anastasia07 Greetings, Being newly owned and collared, this girl's run into some amazing things. To say that the last couple of months has been a roller coaster ride would definitely be an understatement. There are so many joys and the experiences this girl's had are at times, overwhelming. However, even the "bad" times, she's found joy in (though most often in hindsight) and am curious about some of the struggles, lessons and joys others experienced (or are experiencing). For this girl, the biggest shock and struggle she's had is with control... laughs.. go figure, huh? It's amazing that while obedience is something that comes with great joy and ease, there are so, so, SOOOooo many other issues that involve control that this girl never realized. So she wonders... have others experienced similar awakenings and all that come with them.... shock, fear, heartbreak, disbelief.. and then incredible freedom and release? (not speaking sexually, though that too has happened). How have you dealt with such things while "in the thick of it", so to speak? Thank you in advance for sharing. Best wishes and a most relaxing and enjoyable holiday weekend to all. Blessings, ~anastasia Property of ResidentSadist Thanks for starting this thread anastasia. Its reassuring to know Im not the only one who struggles sometimes. I like to call myself a "work in progress" which helps me deal with the times I feel like a total failure. However having said that, being a slave is worth all of the struggle and then some. I love it.

Ownerless -> RE: slavehood... (9/5/2007 3:13:16 PM)
I'm so glad I found this thread. I am struggling, struggling today, and was all day yesterday. I have been submissive for years, it has always been part of my identity, but now I am in a relationship where things have progressed so much deeper, and it has been magical and incredible but all of a sudden I'm really having a hard time. I don't know if it is BECAUSE I feel drawn to give myself to him completely (as slave rather than submissive, I feel a difference whereas I always saw it as semantics before). Crap I don't even know if I can begin to explain myself today I'm so whacked out. Please bear with me and if anyone has any advice for me I will so appreciate it. Sunday night I had the most profound sense of his ownership and control. It was an intense scene but it had as much to do with a long wonderful day of hiking in the mountains and soaking at a hot springs. By the end of the scene I was tripping, thinking, I've really given it ALL to him, it isn't just about feeling good about pleasing him or having kinky sex. So Monday and yesterday I was processing that, absorbing the sense of letting go of my limits, my walls. By yesterday afternoon I was just overloaded and needed a nap desperately. I came home, he was laying down reading, I told him how exhausted I was and laid down with him. I slept for maybe five minutes before he started caressing me and yes it felt good but I really really fucking needed to sleep! And so I accepted it, and of course my body responded and of course I felt pleasure but I wanted to sleep, I needed to sleep and then all of a sudden he was pushing me down on the bed and having me serve him orally. I was furious and completely conflicted because I did want to serve and please, I always do, but I also REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO. After, I was still really angry and still very tired. I'm less so today, but still I am just reeling with all this. He always says to me, "Be careful what you wish for" and now I'm just spinning wondering if I can really do this, really submit when I don't want to and do it with grace? Hopefully there won't be many times when I don't want to, but obviously there will be some and I CLEARLY have some growing to do. All of a sudden he seems more like a selfish bastard instead of a loving protector, but a selfish bastard is EXACTLY what I asked for, and I KNOW he is both. Aaargh, I am making myself crazy!

littlebitxxx -> RE: slavehood... (9/5/2007 4:18:53 PM)
Who? Me? Do what I'm told? The main reason I was still a Corporal after a full military career was because I couldn't do what I was told. Not answer back? Take orders? That's the reason I managed the gym not just worked as staff. Submit? Give over control? Do a power exchange? That's the reason I told my ex where to get off. Who? Me? Submissive? Hell, yeah...to my Jarl I am and gladly.

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