Chemistry (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

dechala -> Chemistry (7/12/2005 9:30:49 AM)

Recently and quite out of the blue i was contacted by a former lover that i hadnt heard from in years.He had heard about my divorce(we have some mutual friends) and wondered how i was doing,wanted to know if we could get together to catch up.This got me me thinking..i had some amazing sexual chemistry with this person.His dominant personality just shined but at the time i wasn't familiar with this lifestyle.i knew i had submissive feelings but was so used to vanilla that i had no clue how to tell someone that i wanted to be taken in that way.He and i have discussed this and as it turns out he's now heavily into BDSM and has himself recently discovered this.But i digress slightly, going back to the chemisty..i wonder if i would have the same chemistry for him as i did back then.Will i see him and my panties will flood or will there just be nothing there?There are former lovers that i'm still attracted to but some that i'm not but i can't recall having a bad sexual experience with anyone.So what about this chemistry thing? What draws us to some and not to others?Why are we still attracted to some former lovers but not at all to others?What makes it change? All thoughts,suggestions,rants are always appreciated[:)]
Note: i'm not really contemplating anything with this former fling just musing about chemistry and wondering how i'll feel if i see him again.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Chemistry (7/12/2005 9:33:02 AM)

Chemistry can be a lot of things- hormones, brain chemicals, spiritual connection, right time right place, whatever.

The question is- have things REALLY changed enough from the last time to make it worth the effort to get back involved? and Just because chemistry is there, is there compatibility to make it work long term day-to-day when chemistry won't matter so much?



dechala -> RE: Chemistry (7/12/2005 9:41:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Chemistry can be a lot of things- hormones, brain chemicals, spiritual connection, right time right place, whatever.

The question is- have things REALLY changed enough from the last time to make it worth the effort to get back involved? and Just because chemistry is there, is there compatibility to make it work long term day-to-day when chemistry won't matter so much?

Thats very true.i suppose that you really have to get to re-know the person again to determine that.
IE i know that i have no chemistry for my ex-husband he will always have a place in my heart but i just can't ever see myself having sex with him again



naughtinicki -> RE: Chemistry (7/12/2005 1:50:33 PM)

I have to say from reading your post that this is just one of those things you will never know one way or the other until you do it.

You will not know whether the chemistry is still there or not until you are in a situation where he either pushes your buttons or not.

As to why we stay `in chemistry' with some and not others for me comes down to why we parted......... most of whom still know how to push my buttons, fell apart not from a sexual side but other things in the relationship. So when we meet again without all the nasty baggage the sexual chemistry is still there. And as this was a good thing between us, its still the turn on.

One man I still have alot of chemistry with, has agreed with me, to stay apart from each other as we both know that in the long run it can't work as a relationship and a jump in the sack is not enough.

Sexual chemistry can be jinxed sometimes[:(]



dommemagnet -> RE: Chemistry (7/12/2005 2:12:58 PM)

i know this isn't up for a vote or anything but i say what doe's it hurt to answer this question for yourself. See the guy if you want to. If the chemistry is still there, so much the better, if not, you've just caught up with an old friend.

Chemistry could change over time. In the past i've found that some that i used to have chemistry with no longer flip the appropriate switches while in others the flame stays lit. Maybe i matured and changed, maybe they did. Either way, i always enjoyed finding out. Hope you do too. Sounds like you could use a good experience.

Sexual chemistry is a wonderful thing. Since your profile indicates that you aren't looking at this point but mending, perhaps my vote is inapropriate in your situation. Wouldn't it be nice to discover that not only is the sexual chemistry still there but that this guy might be a better match for you now than before.

i believe that's less than 2 cents worth but since it's all i have to offer, i'll throw in a grain of salt to boot.

Good luck.



dechala -> RE: Chemistry (7/12/2005 2:34:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dommemagnet

i know this isn't up for a vote or anything but i say what doe's it hurt to answer this question for yourself. See the guy if you want to. If the chemistry is still there, so much the better, if not, you've just caught up with an old friend.

Chemistry could change over time. In the past i've found that some that i used to have chemistry with no longer flip the appropriate switches while in others the flame stays lit. Maybe i matured and changed, maybe they did. Either way, i always enjoyed finding out. Hope you do too. Sounds like you could use a good experience.

Sexual chemistry is a wonderful thing. Since your profile indicates that you aren't looking at this point but mending, perhaps my vote is inapropriate in your situation. Wouldn't it be nice to discover that not only is the sexual chemistry still there but that this guy might be a better match for you now than before.

i believe that's less than 2 cents worth but since it's all i have to offer, i'll throw in a grain of salt to boot.

Good luck.

Thank you.Not at all inappropriate.Yes although i'm not actively searching if something happens it does.If the chemistry is right then there's no thwarting it really.
i'll take that salt and throw it over my left shoulder[;)] lol



mossy -> RE: Chemistry (7/12/2005 10:20:01 PM)

[:D] dechala, wow, what an exciting meeting this has the potential to be! Yet nerve
racking too! wondering.... For me it usually has been about, what we were up to while we were apart. How we each grew....like in which direction? That is usually the indicator of how attracted we will be to each other, at least for me. Then sometimes whatever we had was so strong? Even that did matter....may your chemistry paper get an A+[8D][:D]
(no matter how it turns out)



Faramir -> RE: Chemistry (7/13/2005 9:07:01 AM)

It's been my experience that chemistry doesn't change. If so and so matches your little template for arousal (body type, personality, etc) they still will most likely because those arousal templates don't change.

From what I have read about the psychology of this, our templates for what we find attractive are formed in childhood, and don't change over time, and that's pretty much true in my personal experience. I generally have found one basic kind of person pushes my initial buttons - now beyond that there is the real depth of knowing someone.

I have had the experience of learning to be aroused and groove on someone as I got to know them - but chemistry? That's deep, hind-brain stuff that hasn't changed for me over the years.



dechala -> RE: Chemistry (7/13/2005 11:41:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

It's been my experience that chemistry doesn't change. If so and so matches your little template for arousal (body type, personality, etc) they still will most likely because those arousal templates don't change.

From what I have read about the psychology of this, our templates for what we find attractive are formed in childhood, and don't change over time, and that's pretty much true in my personal experience. I generally have found one basic kind of person pushes my initial buttons - now beyond that there is the real depth of knowing someone.

I have had the experience of learning to be aroused and groove on someone as I got to know them - but chemistry? That's deep, hind-brain stuff that hasn't changed for me over the years.

i agree. Usually for me it's a certain type that pushes my buttons and that basically doesn't change.The thing is very very few push my buttons these days,only one or two in like the last year, i suppose i'm particular(sorry thats another thread) i guess what i'm really wondering is if my template for chemistry or what gets me hot has changed. IE Am i the same person that will get aroused by what my ex husband used to do? Because he certainly doesnt turn me anymore and he basically hasn't changed from the person i had fallen in love with before.i think i'm the one who has changed and quite frankly the more i think about it the more i think it has a great deal to do with my strong desire as of late to be in a serious M/s or D/s relationship.My urge to submit perhaps draws me to more dominant men than before.My ex hubby was very vanilla so that might explain why i'm no longer attracted to him. In the last 6 months or so perhaps my submissive chemistry has changed me.It's an interesting dynamic to explore.Ehhh food for thought [:)]



dechala -> RE: Chemistry (7/13/2005 11:50:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mossy

[:D] dechala, wow, what an exciting meeting this has the potential to be! Yet nerve
racking too! wondering.... For me it usually has been about, what we were up to while we were apart. How we each grew....like in which direction? That is usually the indicator of how attracted we will be to each other, at least for me. Then sometimes whatever we had was so strong? Even that did matter....may your chemistry paper get an A+[8D][:D]
(no matter how it turns out)


LOL! Thank you[:)]
In all truth even if there was a little chemistry with this former lover(which i doubt for many reasons) i'm just not into casual flings never really have been.So wet panties are not i don't think i could go through with anything unless there was some kind of emotional connection there.Call me old fashioned that way.But as i've said i'd be curious to see just for experimental purposes how i would feel since it's been so many years since i've seen him.



mossy -> RE: Chemistry (7/13/2005 7:10:35 PM)

RE: Chemistry - 7/13/2005 9:07:01 AM

Faramir--Quote:
It's been my experience that chemistry doesn't change.
From what I have read about the psychology of this, our templates for what we find attractive are formed in childhood, and don't change over time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
dechala--Quote: i agree. Usually for me it's a certain type that pushes my buttons and that basically doesn't change. The thing is very very few push my buttons these days, only one or two in like the last year.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By this point, with both of you responding this way? i realize, there will be more people who feel the same way. [>:] Now i feel a bit like an alien<<<The People i am attracted to change often and always have throughout my life? i mean it very seriously,,, i do not have a type....but,,,i just had a thought! Faramir are you talking about templates...
outer attractiveness?



mselisetoyou -> RE: Chemistry (7/13/2005 7:58:54 PM)

I don't have a "type" per se. Like mossy, my tastes change over time. That said, once I have a strong sexual "chemistry" with someone, and I see them again after a split, I can only smell them and am reminded of so many yummy memories. I guess that means that, for me anyway, the "chemistry" I experience is based strongly on my olefactory senses.

Does anyone else feel this way?



mossy -> RE: Chemistry (7/14/2005 3:36:57 AM)

[8|] Glad you brought that up...YES the sense of smell involving...all of the person, having little to do with cologne for me. YES...it's amazing. sense of smell can be so interwined with my sexuality, sensuality. The emotions, memories,....yes...it's just the intensity level sometimes that can happen associated with a smell!!!You inhale through Your nostrils and..and for a few moments...different place different time..like a transport machine[&:]



redpetals -> RE: Chemistry (7/14/2005 7:09:10 AM)

No one can deny the importance of chemistry between men and women,its there or not.But i have often wondered that with our cultures need to cover natural oders,that maybe thats why so many relationships fail.Because we're attracted to the wrong person?I realise that the "me me "attitude that is so popular today contributes to failed relationships,and I realise that there are many other factors at work here.iestress,INLAWS,dishonesty etc.but does anyone have any thoughts about this?Is there great importance in what smells tell us about someone?genes?illness?anger?fertility?



Faramir -> RE: Chemistry (7/14/2005 7:20:19 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mossy

Now i feel a bit like an alien<<<The People i am attracted to change often and always have throughout my life? i mean it very seriously,,, i do not have a type....but,,,i just had a thought! Faramir are you talking about templates...
outer attractiveness?



Yes - if you went to a vanilla dating service like match.com they have a modelling survey that determines both the phenotype (the general physical expression) you find to be attractive, as well as the personality type you tend to be attarcted to.

But this is just about chemistry - about that spark where you meet someone and you are like, "Hmmmmm..."

That person could be (often is!) completely wrong for you, and likewise, I have had one relationship with a woman who I had no chemistry with at all. She won my heart through perserverance and her spirit - we didn't have that initial chemistry to act as a bridge or gateway at first.



dechala -> RE: Chemistry (7/14/2005 8:02:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mossy

[8|] Glad you brought that up...YES the sense of smell involving...all of the person, having little to do with cologne for me. YES...it's amazing. sense of smell can be so interwined with my sexuality, sensuality. The emotions, memories,....yes...it's just the intensity level sometimes that can happen associated with a smell!!!You inhale through Your nostrils and..and for a few moments...different place different time..like a transport machine[&:]

Oh yes yes yes!! Smell is a major arousal factor for me as well.i'm glad someone thought of that .And its true its not always about cologne but about the musk they emit.Usually for me abrasive cologne or aftershave turns me off right away.But something light and natural just does it for me.One smell can bring back so many memories.A former lover of mine whos now a friend uses Pantene shampoo and condtioner.i also use it but for a long time whenever i smelled it i got aroused and thought of him.Good thing i got over that,many people use Pantene and it's slightly embarrassing to be dealing with a client when you're turned on by the scent of thier shampoo lol[:D]



dechala -> RE: Chemistry (7/14/2005 8:09:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: redpetals

No one can deny the importance of chemistry between men and women,its there or not.But i have often wondered that with our cultures need to cover natural oders,that maybe thats why so many relationships fail.Because we're attracted to the wrong person?I realise that the "me me "attitude that is so popular today contributes to failed relationships,and I realise that there are many other factors at work here.iestress,INLAWS,dishonesty etc.but does anyone have any thoughts about this?Is there great importance in what smells tell us about someone?genes?illness?anger?fertility?

Yes see my reply to mossy[:)]
i think smell can have a great deal to with pheremones and chemistry.Theres just something immensly erotic about a man after a hot sex session.He's sweaty, i'm sweaty the heat is there between us,the natural sweat smell not actual body odor because one doesnt bathe properly or regularly, but the aroma of sex.It's just amazing.
Sorry i got off track a bit to your original question.



mossy -> RE: Chemistry (7/16/2005 7:50:14 PM)


quote:

Faramir:
That person could be (often is!) completely wrong for you, and likewise, I have had one relationship with a woman who I had no chemistry with at all. She won my heart through perserverance and her spirit - we didn't have that initial chemistry to act as a bridge or gateway at first. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yes Faramir i have also had a similar experience with my first Master. There was zero outer chemistry, i did not wish to even sit down to have coffee, as soon as He began to speak! i was instantly amazed, for my whole body reacted to His warmth. He was the best Master i have ever had. That was ten years ago.

    [code][/code] reply to: Faramir



dechala -> RE: Chemistry (7/16/2005 10:07:15 PM)

Just a bit of an update if anyone's interested, i went out the friend in question tonight and oh yeah the chemistry both mentally and physically is still there! As a matter of fact it was so still there that i could almost smell it there between us.It was amazingly electric,even more so than before.At the end of the night we practically melted into one another.Hmmm perhaps the beginning of something interesting.i know i know i said i wasn't looking for anything but the "chemistry" experiment has most definately proven interesting results that i even i didn't anticipate.YAY
Thoughts or random horny thoughts to take my mind off my wet flooded panties will be appreciated[:D]



caitlyn -> RE: Chemistry (7/16/2005 10:13:51 PM)

Skip chemistry ... take anatomy instead. [;)]



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
4.589844E-02