RE: Stood up on first meeting (Full Version)

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GhitaAmati -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 9:21:54 AM)

I got stood up last month on a blind date too...it sucks.....



chellekitty -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 9:26:35 AM)

you know whats sucks when you have a blind date...when you wave to show them where you are...and then you feel like an ass...



umisprite -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 9:38:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple
For me personally, I make those people come to me now.  I refuse to drive further than the nearest chain resturant in my town.  I make that very clear up front and if he is not willing to come to me, I move on.


This is my current philosophy as well. When I am told that I am the submissive so I must come to him I know for sure that it's time to move on.



earthycouple -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 10:47:08 AM)

Wow...why, OP, are you getting so seemingly bitchy and defensive?  You made the decision, you posted it here, you asked for our feedback.  Man.....if you can't take the heat, leave the thread alone.



Squeakers -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 11:01:24 AM)

       I've heard lots of people say that HE must come to HER.   Is that a D/s 101 rule that I never heard about because I prefer really to travel.   #1 I do not have to spend hours preparing my house for company.   (my life gets busy and the house is NOT always 100%.) #2 I love to travel and visit new places and I always have a back up plan to enjoy myself if he does not show so I could still have a good time.   #3 It is kind of fun to escape the grind of being home and go someplace away from it all.   #4.   My current location has nothing to offer--okay we can have dinner at BK or Mickey Sleeze---there are three red neck bars, and for excitement we can make a sign and hang out with the war protesters on saturday morning and count how many times we get the bird.   (geeze I am glad I am moving.)
Personally I see nothing wrong with either party traveling, I do not really hate entertaining that much---I've done it both ways.   If it works that she (sub) travels pffttt it is not a biggy.  



earthycouple -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 11:03:06 AM)

a rule in a generalized sense? no.  a rule for me? absolutely.  I never said it was a rule in wiitwd.  I said it is what I expect.



Squeakers -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 11:32:47 AM)

   Np Earthycouple, I understand but someone can be stood up no matter which way it goes.  
  To no one in paticular just the general public.     For me, I'd be equally pissed off if I made plans for someone to come to me, cleaned my house, chilled a bottle of wine and made dinner and the other person never showed.   Or if I drove 10 minutes to the local theater and hung out there for god knows how long waiting for someone to come.  
I really do not think that the OP was wrong in 'traveling to see the other person'.   Yes I think mistakes were made but I fail to see how her driving to his town was a problem.  
I think everyone has been stood up a time or two and I am not sure how this can be avoided.   Okay what if she did have his home number---she calls he does not answer.   What is she to think?   He's on his way, he has been in a wreck, or he is not answering his phone?   What if she had his home address?   Does she drive by to see if he is there?   What if he isn't, where is he?   What if he is?   Is it a good idea to go rap on the door and 'say listen asshole I have been waiting 4 hours in front of the damn theater and now we missed the movie?' 
A person never can assume completely what another person is going to do.   This is a fact EVEN after knowing them for eons.   How many wives have been married to a good man for years and have found something out that they didn't know?   But you trust anyways, sometimes you sort of have to.    
    Honestly I do not blame the OP not really.   It would have been nice to have a phone number and I do not personally buy the he resticted it cause I lost it.  Personally I'd wonder about that, why he took that approach, BUT we all screw up.   We have ALL made mistakes and we learn from them.
    Yeah she is being defensive.   Shit I would too.   I'm freaking hurt here and I just want someone to vent to, instead I hear what I should have done, what I could have done, that makes me feel worse cause I already KNOW it.  
     I guess I am in just one of those moods where I am sort of putting myself in her shoes for the moment.    Digressing back to my own mistakes, digressing back to days when I would have spent 4 hours hanging out for someone and not giving up hope because I WANTED it so badly to be right.  Hell I might even be apt to do that now, who knows.  I've been there, it hurts and it hurts bad.     
     Sorry for the rant and again---I am not directing this at anyone in particular.   If you think I am you can take me down a peg or two but if I don't respond right away---I'm probably doing my trig. homework.  



earthycouple -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 11:38:30 AM)

you have trig homework?  I have finance homework.  Hum.



Squeakers -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 11:41:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

you have trig homework?  I have finance homework.  Hum.
yeah but you see I am not getting to it too quickly. [:D]



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 11:57:31 AM)

I think the person you are really angry with is yourself.  My advice is own that.  Learn your lessons.   And be gentle with yourself.  Be harder on yourself if you prove not to learn your lessons.  But remember that learning your lessons doesn't mean putting every other guy through the ringer.



bamabbwsub -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 12:21:30 PM)

Having been doing the online dating thing for about 15 years, I've had my share of stand-ups (and we ain't talking comedy, here).

However, regardless of how angry it made me, I always tried to make them into learning experiences.

1 - If the chemistry feels right online, I do try to meet up as soon as possible. It's so easy to "fall in love with" someone online, only to be completely disenchanted when meeting in person (or they with me).

2 - I don't travel at all before establishing a valid contact number, and I confirm with him that I'm preparing to leave before I do. If I can't make contact with him, I don't leave.

3 - I won't travel the entire distance to meet a man for the first time. He either meets me half-way or comes to me. That way, I'm not driving an insane distance for a possible no-show.

4 - I tell him up-front that I'll wait 15 minutes before I leave. That was the courtesy time extended for professors in college, so I figure someone I've never met before only deserves that much time. If he calls and tells me he's running late, then I'll wait a longer time, if reasonable.

5 - I never get into a car with someone I don't know, nor do I ever invite someone to my house before meeting them in a public place first. One guy actually drove off (we were in separate cars, going from the movie to a restaurant), without telling me, because he was offended that I didn't trust him enough to get in a car with him. My response? "My safety is more important than your feelings." I also chided him for not just telling me that he was ready to go home instead of opting for the cowardly and rude route.

6 - And probably the most important lesson I've learned along the way: Listen to any doubts that you have!!! If there are ANY red flags, confront him with them and make sure that anything you perceive to be even a little "off" is explained to your satisfaction. If there are any red flags that can't be answered, I usually don't waste my time meeting.

I am very sorry that this happened to you, OP, but as many have said, It happens to a lot of people, and more times than just once. People, especially game-players, have ways of scamming even us hardened onliners. And despite what I have learned over the years, I am not naive enough to think that I've learned all the tricks that can be pulled. But I AM wise enough to learn something from them, I hope.



umisprite -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 2:19:03 PM)

Yeah, being stood up really sucks no matter what the situation. I probably would have waited a significant amount of time as well. Weather, traffic or any other uncontrollable situation could have arisen. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. And with my luck, two seconds after I leave my prince would come riding up with a very real reason for being so late.  [;)]
 
I would have, however, made sure I had contact info with me just in case. As I've already mentioned, my personal policy is to not travel too far away from home for a first meet. I know I am 'real' and will either show up or be in touch to cancel ahead of time. You never know about the other person. Those red flags usually pop up for a reason.



slaveish -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 5:49:59 PM)

mmb, I understand you are extremely upset - I think we all would be - but it was a bit naive on your part to drive so far to meet a man who would not give you his number, but at least now you know not to do it again.

Soothe your ruffled feathers the best you can and chalk it up to a learning experience. We've all gotten burned sometime or another. You aren't stupid, and as Estring said, it was just one day in your life, so move past it all the wiser. I am sorry it happened.



Evanesce -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 8:31:24 PM)

quote:

I really do not think that the OP was wrong in 'traveling to see the other person'.   Yes I think mistakes were made but I fail to see how her driving to his town was a problem.  


The problem lies in the fact that she wasted an entire day driving, waiting, and driving home again because the jerk was a no show.  If she'd made him come to her, that day would have only been a few hours - if that.  I can't even begin to think how pissed off I'd be if I drove 3 hours to meet someone and they didn't show up, and I then had to drive another 3 hours just to get home again.  Not this girl.  They come to me or not at all.



feastie -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 8:43:58 PM)

The reason driving to him is a problem is not just because of inconvenience.  It's because she lacks the familiarity and safety of her hometown. 



Remorseless -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 9:00:04 PM)

quote:

... and nice girls swallow!


Damn!!!  Swallowing is an option?



curiouspet55 -> RE: Stood up on first meeting (9/3/2007 9:05:54 PM)

This is my worst nightmare...next time, maybe have him meet you, or make sure to have a set phone number to call?



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