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ORIGINAL: feastie

The problem with this line of questioning is that it attempts to separate the lifestyle from life.  Everyone must live life, whether they are a "vanilla" couple or a "lifestyle" couple.  Certain elements are common ground, such as jobs, trips to the grocery store, raising UMs, family time, etc.  The difference only lies in how the couple relates to each other.  Whereas a D/s couple might use terms like Master or slave, a "vanilla" couple may have private nicknames they won't use in public, or they just might if they feel daring.

To me, there is no such thing as vanilla life and BDSM life.  There is only life.  If I have a full time relationship with a dominant, my dominant, then my life with him is 24/7.  Who he is to me doesn't change just because we're not currently engaged in some BDSM related activity.  He's still just as much my dominant when we're at a parent-teacher conference as he is when I'm on my knees worshipping his cock.  We're just not going to let the teacher know what our dynamic is.  Doesn't change it, it's still there, but it's not announced either.  Thankfully, the teacher isn't letting us in on her private life either.  That would be more information than we needed to have.

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ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

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ORIGINAL: Focus50
To me, a 24/7 M/s dynamic does not literally mean we are Master and slave all the time. But it does mean the M/s dynamic is available 24/7 if I so choose.

Ok...now I'm curious.  If the dynamic is "available" 24/7, doesn't that make you Master and slave all the time?

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ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

I haven't found a way to "take a lunch break from being dominant" (Not that I've been trying to, very much).
 

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ORIGINAL: petdave

We have kind of an odd dynamic.
i'm one of those people that's pretty much a sub all the time. i'm not a leader, i hate inconveniencing people, i cede authority to other people with very little hesitation, and i have a hard time making decisions.
The issue is that my wife and i both HATE making decisions.
So a lot of things- what to have for dinner, what to do on the weekend, etc.- end up being a cycle of "I don't know, what do you want to do?"... Which often as not ends when i get irritated and pick something at random, or we end up doing nothing at all (yes, we've ended up missing meals because of this, not that you'd know it to look at me!)
As long as she tells me what to do, things usually work out just fine. And the more direct the instructions, the better.
Almost everything else turns into a mess.
So i'll take some of that 24/7 stuff
(And yes, she's tried telling me to make a decision... then my brain usually goes into a fatal loop error, kinda like tying a jingly toy to a cat's tail)

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ORIGINAL: Focus50

To me, a 24/7 M/s dynamic does not literally mean we are Master and slave all the time.  But it does mean the M/s dynamic is available 24/7 if I so choose.
 
Owning my girl is owning *all* she is and I equally enjoy sharing as mutual adults, friends and confidantes, too!  But anytime I'm in the mood to dominate, it's my right as owner and her place to accede to my demands.  Or if I consider she's being a tad disrespectful etc while we're sharing as equal adults, I'll choose when and how to rein her in.
 
A 24/7 dynamic is always available, it's just not always required.  Nor is it always possible, esp when we're separated or asleep or whatever else goes on in everyday life.
 
Focus.

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ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

I dunno, my husband and I are like this. There are certain things I want to control and certain things I prefer to delegate - I'm not a detail oriented person. I like newness, so being told "we're going here tonight" when I get in the car is tres cool by me, as long as it's someplace I like and the person knows me well enough to make that happen. Some decisions are a form of service to me, "where do you want to eat" is a great example of that.

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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
For the record, we considered ourselves 24/7 because at no time did we stop being master and slave, we simply did not reveal it to others in inappropriate situations.

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ORIGINAL: curvyslavegirl

I've never thought that being a Master had anything to do with " being much mightly uber Dom:.

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From my experiences, the couples that are the most successful spend less time contemplating how their day to day interactions may or may not fit into a fairytale version of the D/s dynamic and just live their lives.
Getting too wrapped up in what behavior they "should" be doing seems to come from a place of insecurity. Am i slave enough, Am i Master enough, if I just told him to fuck off does it mean I'm not 24/7, etc.

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I do partially subscribe to the sexual orientation theory. Although, I think power dynamics in general should have their own category, after all, they do exist in all relationship paradigms, not just the kinky ones.

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ORIGINAL: amelliagrace

I am what I am, no matter where I am, and no matter who I'm with.  Manners, law, eithics, necessity, and expediancy simply dictate the HOW of the expression of the AM.
 
Likewise, he is what and who he is, always.  The W/we of us is not dependent upon proximity or words.  For lack of better terminology, we sometimes speak of "nilla mode" or "D/s mode".  We shift between the two constantly, and without thought.  It isn't that we are "nilla", so much, as it is that we are ourselves, living in a nilla world, with the D/s, the M/s always there.  It doesn't matter that we are many miles apart most of the time.  It doesn't matter whether anyone else sees it or not...it is.  Certainly, if someone knows us well, and looks closely, it is evident.  W/we are equals, with idividual personalities and needs which naturally create our roles, and mesh into what has become U/us.
 
Every Dominant that I've known well has eventually confided that while they are always a dominant, they do not always want to actively dominate.  This is not to say they wish to be Dommed themselves, or that they turn nilla, so much as it says, "Because I'm the Dominant here, I can choose when to actively direct, and when to more passively expect my partner to do what is needed and expected without me standing there with cane in hand, or giving detailed instructions."
 
W/we draw our perameters for behavior in different places from many others, but they are still there.  The collar is not always around my neck, but is always around my heart and mind, which is by far the more important, IMNSHO.  When he holds my wrist in public, rather than my hand, it is no less a leash than one attached to a collar.  When he looks at me across a room full of people and I see in his eyes that I'm HIS, has no less effect, no less impact, and no less value because it is a nilla gathering.  The fact that I'm given far more leeway in day to day life than many submissives doesn't change the mental and emotional dynamic of submission.
 
Nuance can be a very strong, complex, dynamic thing.
 
Each relationship must find its own boundaries, based on the WHO of each AM.  Problems abound if the WHO of our existance becomes predicated upon the moment to moment constraints of daily life.  The WHO defines and underscores everything else, permating the choices of path we make and how we walk them.  If one's identity becomes defined by every little whim of life and social constraint, one may find themselves in a constant identity crisis.
 
I am what I am.  I'm a submissive.  More importantly, I'm HIS.  When that is in order, all the rest takes care of itself.
-grace