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WillowRain -> RE: When is it submission and when is it sexual abuse? (9/4/2007 2:12:30 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sweetNsmartBBW
Hi...I have a question that stems from a conversation with a dom that is very active in the local scene and claims to be well respected and accepted. He gave me the following 'advice': "...be careful who you meet for coffee as
if they are a true dom and they like you, you wiull not have
a choice about what goes on in your pants by the time you get
back to your car - or are you a sub sho never loses or
control or submits?"
Now, it's good advice, I know- but this Dom was condoning such behavior on the part of dominants. He said that because the men I have met have exercised self restraint they were not 'real' doms. That of the ~thousands~ of Doms and subs he has met, they have all affirmed that a dom takes what he wants and a REAL sub is submissive to ANY true Dom she meets. The exact quote was "A sub is a sub".
I'd love to hear some of the views of other Doms, as when I asked for clarification from the one that made the quote- I was told that he would not indulge me with answers because I was not really submissive. Could be because I accused him of being a sexual predator that hid behind his title and used his dominant orientation as an excuse to victimize women. He had no notion of the idea of consent being a valid concept- not if the woman in question was submissive. That not being submissive to ANY 'real dom" makes a submissive ambivalent or undecided about who she is. He literally told me that I was the ~one~ exception to the THOUSANDS of subs he knows.
Oh, and I should mention, when I said I was bringing this to the boards for the opinions of others, I was told that the folks online are "less genuine" than others, and that it would be a futile attempt at self affirmation on my part.
So, my question is this: When is it dominance and when does that cross the line and become abuse/assault? Do you think a sub female that is NOT in a relationship with you has the right to say no? (Just playing devil's advocate)
Folks are folks. I have no idea what works for this fellow. I do get from what you have written that this totally doesn't work for you. So what it tells me is that you and he are not a match. I don't think that you arn't "submissive" because you don't fall into what he personally wants and needs in a submissive. I don't want to think about the terms "abuse" or any of that. From what you have said I have no ideas about what he does or what he expects. Does he lightly touch their hand and then if their fingers tremble he knows they are his flavor of submissive? I have no clue what he is doing or how healthy it is or isn't.
I DO know that you not falling into the catagory of what this particular person needs, has nothing at all to do with whether or not you are a submissive. There is a huge range of what it is to be submissive, HUGE, from a person that is a raging dominant except with one specific person, to someone else who lives to serve every person they meet without discression. You could be completely and sincerely a submissive and be anywhere in that range, or heck even somewhere completely outside that range.
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