Good Dom vs. Bad Dom

Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

TheIronOrchid -> Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 1:23:57 PM)
Hey all, I'm fairly new to the scene. I've been meeting people in the community. I've been trying to understand what the difference is between a Dom/Domme that earns respect and one that does not. I think I've had an epiphany on the subject and I'd like for all you knowledgable types out there to throw your 2 cents in. From what I've seen in play sessions of these 2 types of Doms/Dommes the major difference that I can spot is empathy. Respected Doms/Dommes have empathy every step of the way whereas the others do not. Opinions?

Bobkgin -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 1:41:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheIronOrchid Hey all, I'm fairly new to the scene. I've been meeting people in the community. I've been trying to understand what the difference is between a Dom/Domme that earns respect and one that does not. I think I've had an epiphany on the subject and I'd like for all you knowledgable types out there to throw your 2 cents in. From what I've seen in play sessions of these 2 types of Doms/Dommes the major difference that I can spot is empathy. Respected Doms/Dommes have empathy every step of the way whereas the others do not. Opinions? Perhaps someone will say otherwise, but I believe those who are most respected by their partners are respected in part for their empathy and compassion. Another word for it is Love.

LadyPact -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 1:45:35 PM)
Well, I'll agree in part. I happen to think it goes toward character, of which empathy is a part. There's also trustworthiness, integrity, honesty...... You get it from there.

MadRabbit -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 1:46:02 PM)
Since all of this is subjective values that vary infinitely from person to person, to me, at least, its about being a person that I, personally, respect and trust and then finding someone else who respects and trusts that person. This should be an interesting thread as always since I am sure people with take their own personal values and apply them universally as qualites valued or necessary in ALL relationships.

sexyred1 -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 1:46:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: TheIronOrchid Hey all, I'm fairly new to the scene. I've been meeting people in the community. I've been trying to understand what the difference is between a Dom/Domme that earns respect and one that does not. I think I've had an epiphany on the subject and I'd like for all you knowledgable types out there to throw your 2 cents in. From what I've seen in play sessions of these 2 types of Doms/Dommes the major difference that I can spot is empathy. Respected Doms/Dommes have empathy every step of the way whereas the others do not. Opinions? Perhaps someone will say otherwise, but I believe those who are most respected by their partners are respected in part for their empathy and compassion. Another word for it is Love. Empathy and compassion are key ingredients in all relationships, but you can possess both and still not Love someone. It is mutually exclusive, and may be ideal, but not necessary.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 1:49:42 PM)
I lack empathy in a big way. I don't think that makes me a bad dom.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 1:57:19 PM)
I would argue that "good" dominants are more aware of the submissive/bottom's emotional and mental states. They are more cognizant of the consequences of their exercises of power. I would also argue that to go farther than that ventures into the arena of personal style and personal kink. A dominant might be highly aware of what he's doing to a submissive, and still be a cold-hearted bastard about it--and for some submissive's that's exactly what is desired.

MadRabbit -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 1:57:22 PM)
So a tough, strict, and hardass Dominant with a general lack of compassion and sensitivity CANT be valued by a submissive as a good Dom? I find that odd since a lot of personal fantasies I hear from submissives and slaves seem to go in the direction of someone like that...

toservez -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 1:59:29 PM)
Like others have said what makes a good dominant is both subjective to the submissive and also completely based on what type of relationship you are looking for. My .02 attempt to answer would be a good dominant is a person who never forgets they are a fallible human being like everyone else in the world at all times, knows establishing trust and safety are an ever going work in process and that actions are always way more important then any words uttered. I will also throw in I think a good dominant has an understanding that a submissive does think different and enjoy different things many times on a different level and can factor that into everything.

Stephann -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 6:36:36 PM)
Empathy is one of the traits I value most in myself. I value it in myself, and believe it makes me a better and happier person than I would have been, not just as a dominant. Stephan

charmdpetKeira -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 7:19:24 PM)
quote: I've been trying to understand what the difference is between a Dom/Domme that earns respect and one that does not. I find it is a combination of things, in a Dom, that inspires me to respect them; empathy alone is not the deciding factor. quote: Respected Doms/Dommes have empathy every step of the way whereas the others do not. I also feel, it is not whether or not they have it; but also knowing when to use it. k

ThudBaby -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 7:29:32 PM)
I don't believe any one characteristic makes or breaks a person. I also think that there aren't universally bad Dom/mes - just like there aren't universally bad subs because the dynamics are so individualized. Most of the Dom/mes that I would consider, less than satisfactory to put it delicately, aren't just less than satisfactory as Dom/mes but as people as well. They lack core values (honesty, credibility, integrity, etc) that I measure people by.

Durus -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 7:40:28 PM)
Having had to bury my empathic reactions to further a scene I'm not sure it's the most important thing in a Dom/me. I think imagination with a grounding in reality is more important. Actually I think imagination is the root of empathy so maybe they are related. Define "respected" for me?

TheIronOrchid -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 7:44:42 PM)
Wow! Thanks alot to everyone who responded to this. I suppose I should clarify a couple of points though. I was in a situation where I was watching dom/mes play with subs they weren't familiar with (slave auction at a kinky campout). Being the noob I am, I was watching a closely as I could and listening to what gossip came my way. Now I'm not one to usually pay much attention to gossip, most of it's hearsay after all. But I do believe that overwhelming hearsay is worth paying attention to. In any case, I was trying to figure out what earned respect. No one came right out and said it, it just seemed to me that empathy was the deciding factor. Oddly enough, I got some small measure of respect myself that campout. I took great pains to not hide the fact that I was relatively unexperienced. So for those of you who mentioned integrity, I'm evidence of that.

TheIronOrchid -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 7:48:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Durus Having had to bury my empathic reactions to further a scene I'm not sure it's the most important thing in a Dom/me. I think imagination with a grounding in reality is more important. Actually I think imagination is the root of empathy so maybe they are related. Define "respected" for me? It was an auction situation. Dom/mes were on the block as well as slaves. Some Dom/mes inspired more heated bidding frenzies than others. That's how I'm defining 'respect' in this case.

RRafe -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 7:51:40 PM)
Yes, caring is essential for safety. quote: ORIGINAL: TheIronOrchid Hey all, I'm fairly new to the scene. I've been meeting people in the community. I've been trying to understand what the difference is between a Dom/Domme that earns respect and one that does not. I think I've had an epiphany on the subject and I'd like for all you knowledgable types out there to throw your 2 cents in. From what I've seen in play sessions of these 2 types of Doms/Dommes the major difference that I can spot is empathy. Respected Doms/Dommes have empathy every step of the way whereas the others do not. Opinions?

iammachine -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 7:59:03 PM)
Some people like it harsh, so I don't think empathy necessarily does it. Integrity, however, plays a huge part in reputation, I think.

breatheasone -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 9:22:19 PM)
To the OP empathy is a huge deal...and i believe essential for a good dom.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 9:35:54 PM)
Earning "respect" from scene gossips is hardly the same thing as actually being a good dominant.

CuriousLord -> RE: Good Dom vs. Bad Dom (9/4/2007 9:48:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheIronOrchid From what I've seen in play sessions of these 2 types of Doms/Dommes the major difference that I can spot is empathy. Respected Doms/Dommes have empathy every step of the way whereas the others do not. I often believe that the nature (type, extent, etc.) of empathy one has is one of the most critical psycological aspects of an individual. To this end, yeah, it truly affects Dom's, subs, and that guy who's trying to sell you a house, trying to judge exactly how upfront he should be about certain undesirable aspects concerning the pipes in the basement in the winter time. In general, empathitic individuals are more sincerely concerned for those who they empathize with. This can lead to far more desirable relationships with such individuals, to include in BDSM.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875