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Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 2:40:58 PM

Jinger

Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline

A girl just told me that I mad her a submissive because I'm so mean. Do you think being grumpy, guarded and critical = dominant? I don't.

My attitude made her submissive, she thinks.

Or could it be that she was simply shy and timid all the time? Or perhaps, just a twit?

Either way the girl annoyed the hell out of me, following me around with a school girl crush.
Yuck.

Perhaps to her being a submissive is one who cries out for abuse. I suppose there are folks who are inclinded to believe that, but I follow a different school of thought.

There have been at least three people over the year or so who don't think of me as a submissive because of my willful nature. I am defiant, and I do enjoy a challenge. Is that wrong?

My submission is that of pleasure, I aim to please. If you want me to do something I'll probably do it. I could even do it in a french maid outfit. The terms in which I do things aren't important to me as long as I'm satisfying the other person. My needs are secondary, at best.

But there's a catch. Here's where my defiance flares up. If you walk into a room and we meet for the first time and you tell me to get naked and kneel in a corner? I'm going to say no. I'll look you in the eyes, with a stern expression and say no. Or maybe even "no way." Does that make me less of a submissive? Maybe...but then again the people who claim this behavior as un-submissive have never known what to do next.

Is it really that I am not a submissive? Or that they are not dominant enough?

Is it wrong of me to ask to be tamed first? Some dominants don't want that hassle, they want pure immediate obedience. But what's the fun in that anyhow?

You don't even have to try hard, I don't think to win me over a little. Challenge me to something, and if I lose I submit. See? It's a game!

And oh how nice it would be to recieve my submission. You have no idea.
rarr.

If you had to make a basic comparison you might compare me with cats and dogs. A dog is likely to immediately enjoy your company. You feed it a treat, you play with it. Bam. Relationship!

Anyone who owns a cat knows the rest.

I dislike dogs.

•••

Now that you've read that. What do you think? Am I acting out of line? Or just right?

Post #: 1

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 3:08:14 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

My initial response is that if someone tells me or anyone "you made me X" the person making the statement is dealing with issues and looking for a way out other than dealing with themselves.

Second if someone comes to you and demands your submission or actions that they believe are submissive, your response says nothing about you and everything about them. A dominant worth a grain of salt never need demand anyone to kneel before her, they will simply kneel after they interact with her for a while because they will sense that it may please her or because they have gotten to know each other enough to establish that authority.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 2

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 3:58:45 PM

kshearsecouple

Posts: 171
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

I own a cat......but I'm pretty sure he owns me

I think that is probably a better asumption....lol

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 3

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 5:19:43 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Jinger....Some Dominants may well see you saying " No way " as a challenge but i suspect most would just say " Okay there`s the door "
Surely trying to get them to force you to get naked in the corner, puts you in control of the situation and not them ? Therefore maybe you are not as submissive as you think, if you want it done on your terms.
Being bratty, and i am a bit bratty myself, you need to know when to hush and do as your told.

(in reply to kshearsecouple)

Post #: 4

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 5:36:54 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

Jinger,
At the risk of being stoned to death, I think part of what you're describing is that while you're a submissive, you're not everyone's submissive. That's exactly as it should be. No woman is your Mistress until you and she agree to form a power exchange between the two of you. You needn't submit to anyone unless you desire to for some particular reason.

Once you get to know the right woman, you'll want to submit to her and desire that she be your Domme or Mistress. No woman can force you to submit, it is something that's given freely from the heart.

- pixel

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 5

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 7:13:29 PM

Jinger

Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline

quote:

urely trying to get them to force you to get naked in the corne

I didn't say anything about trying to get them to force me to do anything...

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 6

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 7:30:01 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I can't be bothered with the "make me if you can" types. I certainly don't see breaking someone as a challenge. I have slaves to make My life easier.

tammyjo, politesub and pixelslave are absolutely correct. One builds a relationship with ones subs, until the desire to submit to that one person is paramount. That takes time.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 7

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 8:01:02 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jinger
Is it really that I am not a submissive? Or that they are not dominant enough?

Before I came out or met people into BDSM, I had difficulty being submissive to vanilla women. Even thought I wanted to be submissive, I felt odd actually doing it. For example, right out of high school one of my supervisors would ask me if I would make her tea (not in a supervisor way but in a charm-someone-into-making-you-tea way). I wouldn't jump at it (even thought I wanted to inside) because it felt odd being submissive in a vanilla environment. When I did do it, I would do it as a joke (Fine, I'll make you tea. Would Madam like milk and sugar with her tea?). It's as if it was odd for me to submit without a reason. The reluctance I felt was more for external reasons than internal reasons. It was not so much that I felt wrong submitting but wondered what would people think if I just submitted--would it be weird?

This issue does not come up so much now because I date or court dominant women or kink friendly women. And the reason or force that compels me to be submissive is the force of attraction. I don't feel a need to be tamed. The depth of submission depends on the circumstances.

I can break up my submissive response into two chief components. One response is based on service and pleasing. The other response is based on feeling dominated. The first type has had more air time and brings plenty reward. But if you feel that some of your encounters leave you wanting more dominance, that can indeed happen.

If you do feel that whomever you are with is not dominant enough, I think comparing notes on what makes the other person feel dominant and what makes you feel submissive (puts you in a submissive mindset) might help there.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 9/5/2007 8:04:32 PM >

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 8

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 8:09:47 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Yes you have attitude, one I like. What a character you are.

I don't quite know what you are saying about the girl that was following you around like a puppy dog, but it seems to me she was probably just smitten, no submissive. Did you "make her submissive"? Well perhaps in the sense that she saw you as someone she looked up to and wanted to submit to, but it wasn't anything you actively did to "make" her submissive. Poor girl.

Anyway, as to Dommes that instantly demand submission. Keep saying "NO". It's a sure sign they are an idiot and you wouldn't want to run around doing everything an idiot tells you to do.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 9

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 8:45:06 PM

DivaZya

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline

Sounds to Me that you want a chance to Test the ones you hope can be your One.
What are the most important Qualities you seek in a Mistress?
   I actually read your profile - and then, -all - of your journal.
Holy crow - you are funny, smart and have a fantastic attitude- you are genuine.
you seem to need to make sure that you are not taken so lightly by any female who manages to hold your attention long enough to set up a webcam session.

Making a long answer short - No. you're doing fine. BE YOURSELF.

Always the best Diva~Zya

~ tis the season for the younger set of submissive to question themselves and their situations - I encourage you to be brave, show initiative and stay open to new experiences. you know by now, your first few owners aren't your Only ~

_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 10

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/5/2007 10:16:28 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jinger

If you walk into a room and we meet for the first time and you tell me to get naked and kneel in a corner? I'm going to say no. I'll look you in the eyes, with a stern expression and say no. Or maybe even "no way." Does that make me less of a submissive? Maybe...but then again the people who claim this behavior as un-submissive have never known what to do next.

No, I think that just means you aren't a doormat.

As for the girl that says your attitude made her feel submissive, maybe she was just responding to your strength of will? I don't see how anyone can "make" anyone else be anything, we all have a choice as to how we will behave.

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 11

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/6/2007 1:41:38 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Perhaps this girl was just desperate for a Dom and she hoped to stir up those feelings in you. Some women are under the misconception that all males are Dominant and perhaps by telling you that you made her feel subsmissive she hoped to draw that personality trait out of you.

I do not expect submissives to drop at my feet when I enter into a room, if they did I really wouldn't be interested because if they dropped that fast for Me, I am sure they would drop to their knees for any Dominant that came near them. To Me thats a turn off. I want someone who is strong, knows what they want and recognizes it when they do see it. I also do not expect to be a Dominant to anyone until we have gotten to know each other and decided to enter into that power exchange relationship.

So I say keep your attitude of self respect and know that Dominants do not walk on water (contrary to popular belief) and that some of us do not expect submissives that do not belong to us to drop to their knees offering service.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 12

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/6/2007 1:46:00 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jinger

quote:

urely trying to get them to force you to get naked in the corne

I didn't say anything about trying to get them to force me to do anything...

Sorry jinger i misread your post slighty.

quote:

But there's a catch. Here's where my defiance flares up. If you walk into a room and we meet for the first time and you tell me to get naked and kneel in a corner? I'm going to say no. I'll look you in the eyes, with a stern expression and say no. Or maybe even "no way." Does that make me less of a submissive? Maybe...but then again the people who claim this behavior as un-submissive have never known what to do next.

If it`s a first time meeting then i agree no one can just order you to kneel. Although i still read this as you are expecting something to happen next, and in that situation many Dommes would just show you the door.

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 13

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/6/2007 6:59:00 AM

Jinger

Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline

quote:

I actually read your profile - and then, -all - of your journal.

You read the whole thing? Goodness!
Sometimes I start reading it over and even I never get through it all.

(in reply to DivaZya)

Post #: 14

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/6/2007 7:07:39 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Hi Jinger,

Had your post been in 'Ask a Master' and you had 'female' profile (especially one with an attractive photo) you'd not only have a five page thread railing against the evil dominant, but probably 100 emails in one day from men who would be happy to let you take all the time you want to learn to obey.

I think many female dominants are pampered. They have, literally, their pick of the crop. Many male submissives believe that the way to reach the top, is to be the 'best' (and most) submissive of the bunch. As a result, I think a lot of 'service top' females are confused with dominant females.

Don't sweat it. It seems to me, that the kind of woman you'd want to submit to, wouldn't want your submission until she'd earned it. She'll probably have two cats to.

Stephan
Also a Proud Cat Owner

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 15

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/6/2007 8:10:23 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jinger
I didn't say anything about trying to get them to force me to do anything...

Asking them to tame you first does come across as needing to be forced. If that's not what you meant, please clarify.

Now, personally I wouldn't meet and strip immediately either. I need a sufficient knowledge of them to know if I can trust them in a scene. I also need a connection, a friendship if nothing else. And none of that occurs on the first meet.

But I freely admit that I'm not submissive to everyone, I'm submissive to just one. And yes, I was picky as hell as to who the right one was. I needed to feel his dominance, but feeling it and acting on it are different things. I would not have acted in accordance with my feelings if I had not already learned that I could trust him with my emotions, that we shared the same values and morality code, that we had the same priorities.

The girl who started submitting to you without your agreement was rude. She may very well have felt certain things in your presence but that didn't make it correct to act like that. I find Brad Pitt damn good looking but that's different than throwing myself in his lap if I see him in a restaurant.

< Message edited by Celeste43 -- 9/6/2007 8:11:56 AM >

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 16

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/6/2007 9:36:51 AM

Jinger

Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline

quote:

Asking them to tame you first does come across as needing to be forced. If that's not what you meant, please clarify

What I meant was that I'm naturally untamed, I've always had a tenuous relationship with authority, and unless I'm inspired by the right amount of oomph, then I'm not going to respect whoever is telling me what to do.
I won't ask any dominant party to tame me, directly. But I never make it easy for them. Saying I'm untamed is more me coming to terms with who I am than "hey, tame me if you can!"
On the other hand, I've always thought that it's fun to have a challenge for both sides. But I'm more inclined toward the latter concept.

...

I wonder if Brad Pitt gets that often, people accidentally falling in his lap...
I think if I met him I'd tell him that I thought he was excellent in 12 Monkeys and ask if he ever wanted to work with Terry Giliam again.

I would however, fall in the lap of Christina Ricci.
Yup.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 17

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/6/2007 10:17:04 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

Jinger,

I like your attitude, it just sounds to me like you have a good sense of humor.

And it also sounds like you are looking for your dominant. Not any old dominant but the one that you’re able to be submissive to in your own way. I don’t think that your untamable, I just think you need to find the right person. I’m in the school that you’re willing with me, and I don’t assume anyone is going to submit the first couple of times of meeting.

Now in regards to this girl, well I don’t know what to say about her. I wouldn’t pay any attention to her. All that matters is that you know yourself, and you look for what will make you happy.

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 18

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/6/2007 10:27:44 AM

twistedkytten

Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline

I read it... such a fun one to read too thanks!

(in reply to Jinger)

Post #: 19

RE: Do I have an attitude problem? - 9/6/2007 11:09:50 AM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Ok i didn't read your profile, just going on your post. I would need more information to be able to discuss the specific situation with the puppy dog like girl. You really didn't even mention the type of relationship (if any) that you were supposed to have.

As far as being obediant versus being a challenge versus being an ass....well it depends doesn't it? I guess my first thought is if you met someone who expects immediate obedience without earning your respect, you wouldn't want to be with them anyhow, so who cares what they think of you? I don't think it's necessary to say they are not dominant enough for you, you are just not compatible. I may be capable of working hard at training someone, but may not want to be bothered. Not everyone is interested in games. Nothing wrong with that from either side in my opinion.

As for the person who said dommes are pampered because they have their pick of the litter as it were.....HA. Yeah, all i know is i have the pick of anyone who wants me to give, compromise, change and fulfill their fantasies, at their request, on their schedule....etc... i have yet to find anyone who is willing to cater to mine. Oh they say they want to, but then the excuses start and frankly i am just thinking that finding a person who fits my needs may be impossible. I actually like someone who comes out and tells me their limitations up front. We save time that way. And i have had a few play only partners that are great.

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to twistedkytten)

Post #: 20

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