Questions about a Dom subbing

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SensualGaGuy -> Questions about a Dom subbing (9/5/2007 5:32:53 PM)
I have been wanting to explore more submissive things of late. I identify on CM as a Dom, but I started as a sub and thought I had passed that side of me by, but it appears that is not the case. I still am a Dom and enjoy that side of me a lot, I do not want to lose that side of me for good. Life changes have probably made this need resurface, but I always enjoyed my submissive side in the past. But here is the question, would anyone feel less likely to take on a new sub if they knew he had been or still sees himself in many ways as still a Dom? Would the thought of him trying to top from the bottom be something in the back of your head that would, if all other things were compatible between the two of you, bother you enough to not at least try a relationship with him? Thank you all for your insights.

MaamJay -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/5/2007 7:28:27 PM)
Some might be concerned about topping from the bottom, but for Me it would depend on how that sub presented. If what I can see is their sub side ... then fine. It wouldn't worry Me further and I would also enjoy his insights during aftercare (debriefing). Perhaps the single biggest concern is more that it's harder to "startle" him during play ... being a Dom he may already know all those sweet little tricks like combining ice with wax etc. So I'd be asking him a lot about how he plays as a Dom to know what else might be up My sleeve grin. However, as someone who subs and Dommes simultaneously ... I might not have an entirely unbiased opinion on this question ... hopefully you will also hear from some "I only Dominate" Dommes! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

MHOO314 -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/5/2007 7:33:45 PM)
I am going to say yes---one needs to know that a Dominant is a Dominant---if one feels the tendency to be otherwise, its called a "switch"---I know personally, I spent some time as a sub not because I had leanings that way but because I wanted to understand what submissives experience--well I was always trying to direct the scene--and there was no way I was a submissive.

DivaZya -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/5/2007 8:00:44 PM)
My first thoughts were along the lines of having to be much more strict, testing and watching - being aware of the dom personality gritting teeth uncomfortably behind the sub mask. On one hand it could be a much more powerfull situation simply because the dom knows what's likely to happen and can't help but prepare himself for what he imagines is the worst or hoping to slide by somehow. Oh the other, it's a difficult situation in itself, because the trust doesn't come with the initial handshake either. Perhaps a sWiTcH can flick submissive/dominant on and off, but if you've been years in your dom persona, there's going to be layers of habit - mental & body conditioned reactions to deal with. Your goal is being genuine, sincere, for both the Dominant and the submissive responces that may rise to the occasion. Of course, this is My take on your question, hope it helps in your quest. Always the best Diva~Zya

SensualGaGuy -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/6/2007 7:20:29 AM)
Thank you for your replies. I agree I would have a knowledge of what might be coming in some situations, but I think that would help more than hurt. I think that could be used to keep me off balance. Maam Jay, you might be biased, but thanks for understanding a little of what I am going through.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/7/2007 1:40:38 PM)
For Me it would depend on what your definition is of subbing or submission. If in the context of play (scene), I would not be worried at all. But I do not consider that subbing...I consider that bottoming. But I don't want you hanging around after the scene either. Go be Dominant or "equal" somewhere else. I might be an occasional play friend, but that is as far as it can go with Me. Might seem harsh, but there ya go! Therefore, if you are talking about a fuller relationship with the submission consistently running throughout the dynamic, I probably wouldn't want to be bothered. It would be more trouble than worth it to Me, and I do not want to switch Myself, in that sort of situation, from a good scene to a more egalitarian (if not "me Dom , you Jane") dynamic. I require submission all the time in an actual close relationship. So...play okay. Fuller, long term, including romance relationship, no go.

homedespot -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/7/2007 6:58:01 PM)
I know this isn't the response you want. I am sure you are a very sincere person. I am sure you are the exception to My experience. However...I have had a number of dominant men contact Me asking to explore their submissive side with them. Without exception (I think) they have gone from "I want to submit" to "you'll submit to Me given time hahaha". What has happened is that I now reject anything from dominant men who want anything more from Me then to simply chat. Talking, learning, conversing I'll do. Thinking about taking a slave who was formerly a dominant isn't on for Me. I know you weren't asking Me per se, but My answer is no. I wouldn't consider you. Sorry! J.

SensualGaGuy -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/7/2007 10:20:03 PM)
GoddessDustyGold, thanks for your answer. And at this point I am not sure if I want a play pard who I am friends with or of I am looking for more of a BDSM relationship. In a relationship I would be myself first and foremost, but I would also know the role that a Domme woudl expect. (If that made any sense.) Homedespot, I understand what you are saying, and I am sure that has happened a lot. I am not looking to corrupt a Domme...lol...I have played with one before who wanted to explore and it was a fun experience for us both. It was not her thing to be submissive, and I knew that before hand, but still glad we tried it. We both had fun with it. Agian thank you ladies for your views on this.

Grlwithboy -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/7/2007 10:44:09 PM)
Really depends on the person and the attitude he brings. I've played with a switch regularly who had his own girl and his own life and was quite an evil bastard. Just not ever in relation to me. I think the idea of his acting out or being difficult was further from his mind than mine. The dynamics were crystal clear, and he was better than most self ID'd subs in a lot of ways.

DianeB269 -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/8/2007 5:08:44 AM)
I've used my strapons on a few doms over the years. They came to me very interested in finding out what is was like to be bent over. Most of them loved it and a few wanted to top me after but, that wasn't going to happen. Diane

MaamJay -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/9/2007 9:16:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold For Me it would depend on what your definition is of subbing or submission. If in the context of play (scene), I would not be worried at all. But I do not consider that subbing...I consider that bottoming. But I don't want you hanging around after the scene either. Go be Dominant or "equal" somewhere else. I might be an occasional play friend, but that is as far as it can go with Me. Might seem harsh, but there ya go! Therefore, if you are talking about a fuller relationship with the submission consistently running throughout the dynamic, I probably wouldn't want to be bothered. It would be more trouble than worth it to Me, and I do not want to switch Myself, in that sort of situation, from a good scene to a more egalitarian (if not "me Dom , you Jane") dynamic. I require submission all the time in an actual close relationship. So...play okay. Fuller, long term, including romance relationship, no go. Bold emphasis added by Me. While I respect this as your position, I would add that it doesn't have to be this way ... someone doesn't have to stop being Your sub in order to Dominate someone else. You don't have to alter Your behaviour or switch Yourself ... it's possible for some people to serve One and lead another simultaneously. In my case, i am always sub to Master with whom i live 24/7 ... at the moment My sub is living here and I am also always Domme to her, even when she sees me "actively" subbing to Master in play, sex or domestically. That doesn't alter her mindset that I am her Mistress. I can literally say "Yes Master" and "Pet, please set the table" all in one breath! Who knows, maybe You are missing out on awesome subs who also want to Dominate someone smile. However, I do acknowledge that not all switches would be able to or would want to live this way. Being a Duality isn't for everyone! But it is a possibility that is usually overlooked. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/13/2007 3:27:53 PM)
I respect anyone who chooses to switch and has that dynamic available as part of their lifestyle. I also freely admit I do not relate to it, and it is not for Me, either in My household (a sub/slave having his own sub/slave/pet) or one who has a need to be Dominant and I know I cannot and will not meet those needs. I am not saying it is a wrong dynamic, I am just saying it will not work for Me. Just easier for Me to say no, and I probably have missed out on a few lovely boys who have attempted to get to know Me in that capacity. Smile As I said...play okay, but I don't want or need it in My daily life. So I can have a nice Dominant friend who wants to get together for some playtime (he bottom, Me top), and then I have no problem waving goodbye while he goes back to his household wherein he is the Dominant, and I am left with My slave(s) to enjoy the rest of My day.

LadyHugs -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/13/2007 10:01:46 PM)
Dear SensualGaGuy, Ladies and Gentlemen; In a 'teaching' and or 'mentoring' capacity; I do not mind TOPPING a Dominant. However, for my own standards--those who go beyond the physical sensation/experience of bottoming; to me fits in the area of a SWITCH. When a Dominant goes from physical into mental, emotional realms of submissive behavior and gratification--this is a SWITCH for me and or someone who hasn't firmly decided where they are. Perhaps due to the circumstances of why Dominant men have come onto me personally as a solid Dominant; who will not SWITCH--it has been a ploy used by them to: 1) Get into my leather panties, 2) TOP from the bottom as to get their kinky sex needs met--not a means for joint pleasure, 3) Power play and switch roles as to force me into submission and admire their 'Domliness'--like the phrase, 'you haven't found the right Dominant man yet.' 4) They want conditional submission - in the bedroom but, elsewhere they want to be equal or more --again, to me the 'male entitlement' over women. 5) Because of my connections, want to ride my coat tails as to get in where there are those who are more likely to behave and live like ladies and gentlemen and respectful roles as they seek; Or, 6) they just want my vast collection of BDSM gear--I have become cynical and suspicious of any intentions, until they maintain the frame of BOTTOM and not try to make me SWITCH and or attempt to dominate and or control me. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs

RumpusParable -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/13/2007 10:22:41 PM)
No, I don't worry about a potential partner being a switch. People who identify only as a sub (or slave) can give one a hell of a time with trying to run things, it's not as though a label gives any guarantee as to behavior. I rely on the individual personality and the natural chemistry between us, not on what exists between them and other people.

BeachMystress -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/14/2007 2:40:01 AM)
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdswitch.html has a lot of thought provoking things to say about people being both Dominant and submissive.

DoomMaidens -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/14/2007 10:52:03 AM)
Oh, excellent, I love to cause trouble. Let me be the one to say, then, that if a Dom/me wanted to submit to me, I'd be much more interested in playing than if a "traditional" sub approached me. And now let me elaborate. I'm not interested, as the OP says, in "taking on subs." I don't have the shelf space for the books and knickknacks I own currently; I'm not about to start collecting anything else. But for occassional play...yes, much better in my mind if the person submitting is not someone who comes to it from a 100% pure and unconflicted inclination to do so. Myself, I like conflict, struggle, anarchy, chaos, inversions, strength, resistance...and a submissive I see as naturally or deliberately cringing, I could only dominate out of contempt, not pleasure. Disclaimer: Not saying that I've anything against submissives who don't switch, just that I prefer a confident, self-respecting attitude from subs. Perhaps, SensualGaGuy, you don't find it difficult to transition between Dom and sub modes in your play. Both more and less power to you in that case. But for me the idea that a Dom/me looking to sub would not be submissive "enough," would be a large part of the appeal. I'd enjoy playing off the other person's resistance, forcing dominance, reminding them that they wanted this. That, too, would be an interesting element of this scenario to me -- a Dom/me wanting to submit. I have a very fabulous, sexy, Dominant, and non-switchy girlfriend. Conflict and struggle we have in our play in abundance, and may I just say -- yay! But any submission from her is a favor rather than a desire and is not something I want to push. Pushing someone both willing and resistant certainly appeals... - Vetiver Lane Anarchist of the Doom Maidens

LightHeartedMaam -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/14/2007 11:50:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold For Me it would depend on what your definition is of subbing or submission. If in the context of play (scene), I would not be worried at all. But I do not consider that subbing...I consider that bottoming. But I don't want you hanging around after the scene either. Go be Dominant or "equal" somewhere else. I might be an occasional play friend, but that is as far as it can go with Me. Might seem harsh, but there ya go! Therefore, if you are talking about a fuller relationship with the submission consistently running throughout the dynamic, I probably wouldn't want to be bothered. It would be more trouble than worth it to Me, and I do not want to switch Myself, in that sort of situation, from a good scene to a more egalitarian (if not "me Dom , you Jane") dynamic. I require submission all the time in an actual close relationship. So...play okay. Fuller, long term, including romance relationship, no go. I'm with Dusty here. I've always been of the mind "Lead, Follow or get out of the way"

cloudboy -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/14/2007 3:06:32 PM)
Try flirting with MistressDolly. ------ quote: DoomMaidens: I prefer a confident, self-respecting attitude from subs You say that as if such a malesub were a sasquatch.

PsyVamp -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/14/2007 6:59:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote: DoomMaidens: I prefer a confident, self-respecting attitude from subs You say that as if such a malesub were a sasquatch. ~walks wearily into the room and sighs~ you mean there really are male subs? Truly and honestly, men that want to give their all and serve? ~laughs jadedly~ All kidding aside I like to play with Doms and switches (I will not elaborate on the word play at this point) but for actual service, I do not believe a dominant personality would do for very long. It may be fun to run errands or play the service roll for a time, but unless your heart is truly in it, neither of the two involved would have much luck. If you are a switch, and you choose to sub to a dominant, you may want to have your own submissive in addition to your Dom/me. This would let you explore both sides of your nature without overly taxing your dominants patience. Good luck with what ever you decide to do. Psy (who currently ownes/coexists with a switch)

BeachMystress -> RE: Questions about a Dom subbing (9/15/2007 12:12:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PsyVamp ~walks wearily into the room and sighs~ you mean there really are male subs? Truly and honestly, men that want to give their all and serve? ~laughs jadedly~ Men who want to role play submission are the dime a dozen number you hear quoted about submissive men. The ones who wish to live to serve.. who are happy with the woman being the head of the household.. yes, such men do exist. They're just as rare as Domme. I know it seems, at times, like they belong in the same category as Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, but submissive men who want to live submission rather than role play it do exist! Unfortunately they are often snapped up by the first Domme who recognizes what they are. My husband had been in the lifestyle all of three months when I met him. I couldn't believe he wasn't already taken. It turns out he'd not been looking for a relationship. I realized what he was after watching him at a Dungeon party for a few hours. There was NO way I was going to let such a rare treasure get away and swept him off his submissive little feet. I know it is frustrating. I know how many of the men out there claim to want more than they're willing do, either because they don't realize what it will be like or they just "talk big" while horny. Finding a sub like this takes more than just patience though. You have to actively hunt them. I made all the first moves. I promise, it is well worth it!

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