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Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/5/2007 6:57:43 PM

Twice

Posts: 179
Joined: 9/15/2005
From: Gainesville, Florida
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So, my boyfriend/top/still-deciding-if-he's-my-Dom (he's new to the lifestyle, I'm not... but he's taking to it like a duck to water and loving it, but we're still feeling it out) had me tied down by the ankles the other night. When I woke up the next morning, one of my ankles/feet was very, very sore. We went to an event at the museum later that night and after 45 minutes of walking around, I couldn't even put any weight on it. He, of course, got all worried/concerned (not only because I'm His, but because he worked first aid at a camp for 4 years/taught it for two/is all medically and whanot) and spazzed about it all night. As it were, I came down with bronchitus later that night (I had a shitty week...) so I spent the next three days moaning in his bed... and not in a good way. It worked as well as possible, however, since my injury (which he deduced to be a strained tendon) had time to heal without me aggravating it by day-to-day stuff.

However, now that I've resumed a normal routine, what I thought it entirely healed... isn't. I guess the only way to address it physically is to give it time/see a doctor. However, I think it shook Him up a lot to cause me actual damage. I'm trying to pretend I'm not in pain so He feels better about it, but 1) I'm limping, and 2) He knows me way too well to fake anything. While we've fooled around a few times since then, it was all entirely vanilla, and I don't know if he's just trying to give me time to heal, or if there is a deeper issue.

I guess I don't have so much of a question as a request for advice and interpretation. Whereas I'm the sub... he's new to this and I'm not. Should I just give it time? I know none of you know Him, but do his actions suggest he's having trouble with it, or am I reading into it too much?

...or should I just stop talking now? heh

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/5/2007 7:10:39 PM

Squeakers

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I can not predict what he is feeling. My advice is to ask him, discuss it, work through it. Communication right from the source seems to be the best way to go, for me anyways.

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/5/2007 8:04:01 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twice

However, now that I've resumed a normal routine, what I thought it entirely healed... isn't. I guess the only way to address it physically is to give it time/see a doctor. However, I think it shook Him up a lot to cause me actual damage. I'm trying to pretend I'm not in pain so He feels better about it, but 1) I'm limping, and 2) He knows me way too well to fake anything. While we've fooled around a few times since then, it was all entirely vanilla, and I don't know if he's just trying to give me time to heal, or if there is a deeper issue.

I realize that you are trying to save his pride/feelings, but I suggest stopping. Valyraen only knows what causes me pain and what causes soreness if I tell him. With the information of what causes me pain and how intense/troublesome that pain was, he can make an informed decision on how he wants to bind me next time.

If we have to do a lot of walking soon, it's probably not a good idea to leave me in the spreader bar for a long time as it causes my hips to ache.

He may not desire to cause you actual pain like this. Valyraen does not desire to cause me certain kinds of pain, and therefore when I do not tell him that he has I am being disobedient.

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/5/2007 8:12:17 PM

Drifa

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From: Rural Texas
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Being a first aid provider at camp is not the same as a medical degree. If you have a post play injury that doesn't settle down quickly, see a real live doctor. You'll end up getting well faster.

Also, it's possible to get a compression fracture etc. in the foot and really not notice it at first, maybe a twinge then nothing... then several hours later swelling starts to cause discomfort. And you can do THAT just stepping wrong sometimes. Lots of things could cause the issues - it doesn't mean it was necessarily how you were bound, though you should consider that.

This is where a doctor's advice comes in handy. Try and find a kink-friendly doctor in your area. It saves tedious explanations. My doctor looks at me and asks first thing off if this is a horse injury or a horseplay injury (I have horses).

As for the situation, if you are playing rough, you NEED excellent open communications. You need to sit down together and discuss what each of you is feeling. You could open by saying, "I'm afraid me getting my ankle hurt has put you off the kind of play we have been enjoying. How do you feel? What are you thinking?" -- then LISTEN.

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/6/2007 6:38:04 AM

pleasureforck

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When I was in too much pain after my SO had a hard time for a bit. Once we had an open talk about it I found out that it didn't matter that I had not told him to stop. He feels that he is still responsible even when I don't say anything. It taught me that I need to be more attuned to what he is doing and what I like and don't like and make sure I tell him all that I'm feeling. He needs to know what I am feeling whether it good or bad.. So communication is the key as you will hear from many others.

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/6/2007 7:34:32 AM

arayofsunshine55

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So I'm big on mutual responsibility. If he's feeling bad for this happening and being new and knowing any better, I'd be talking to him a lot about my own sense of responsibility in this. Cause I've got a mouth. WE both let it happen. And we'll both survive. The other thing is that I'd tell him that short-term damage or a bit of injury is really just fine with me and a sometime by-product I am more than prepared to live with.

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/6/2007 9:53:20 AM

Celeste43

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Don't pretend it doesn't still hurt. Allow him to feel responsible. And you own your part of the responsibility also. Both of you were flying so high that you weren't getting any feedback from your body and he probably wasn't checking if the foot was warm or cold to the touch. You'll recover in a couple of weeks most likely and next time you'll be more careful when trying a new position or activity to take it a little more slowly the first few times.

But in a couple of months the injury will be long gone and so will the guilt. Hopefully what will stick around is the knowledge that sometimes accidents do happen. In the meantime, let him carry the heavy stuff around for you or put an arm around you when going up and down steps. Instead of lying about it, ask for concrete help so he won't feel so helpless. And if it's not a lot better in two weeks, see a doctor. Myself I use a chiropractor trained for sports injuries.

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/6/2007 10:08:28 AM

sublizzie

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Being honest is probably the best thing you can do for him. How can he trust you to tell him the truth in future play sessions if you aren't honest with him now?

Letting him know that this "learning opportunity" is something both of you probably needed so you can make sure you don't do the same thing again.

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/6/2007 11:57:08 AM

onmykneesb4Him

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i agree with being honest and open about it. i also think if you give Him time, he'll most likely get over it. Sir was horrified the first time he left significant bruises on my ass. i just kept telling Him it was no big deal and i actually liked having those bruises. He got over it pretty quickly and now enjoys it very much.

i think it must be hard as a new Dom to know exactly what's OK with His sub and what's not.

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/6/2007 1:17:47 PM

Twice

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From: Gainesville, Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55

So I'm big on mutual responsibility. If he's feeling bad for this happening and being new and knowing any better, I'd be talking to him a lot about my own sense of responsibility in this. Cause I've got a mouth. WE both let it happen.

I tried that. He lapsed into, "but I was on top and I didn't notice you were hurting. I should have noticed even without you telling me" bit. He's had the white knight thing going on pretty badly since I met him and we were already intensely close before we started acting sexually, so he always feels a very strong need to protect me, even when he can't be expected to. My dog got mauled while I was visiting my parents last month and even though he was 200 miles away, he wouldn't talk to me all day because he felt bad I had to jump into a dofgfight and save my dog myself- he thought he should have been there to do it for me. I've tried telling Him he just has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, but he just says it's impossible to avoid because he loves me so much. *sigh*

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/6/2007 9:47:13 PM

trulynangel

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personally i remember what it is like to be the "newbie"....granted it was 12 years ago....but alas i remember....and i think it is quite admirable that He feels the way He does....so few ppl get to experience what you do.....hold on tight and just give Him some time...but i do think you need to get that foot looked at if it is still hurting....

angel

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/6/2007 10:12:20 PM

SirHedonicsslave

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While it's refreshing to hear of someone taking His responsibility so seriously.....He needs to understand that accidents happen. Even the most experienced Dominants have accidents from time to time, no matter how careful they are. I know that there are times that we've scened and i was perfectly fine that day, but the next day something would pop up unexpectedly...it wasn't anyone's *fault*....it just happened and we learned from it and went on. *My best medical advice as an EMT* I would definitely say that you really do need to get that ankle looked at.....it could be nothing, it could be something serious....but i think you'd both feel better knowing what it is...sometimes a "nagging pain", if left untreated, can turn into a chronic problem.

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RE: Healing injuries (physically and emotionally) - 9/13/2007 12:43:26 AM

MasterFireMaam

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My bits and pieces:
Don't lessen the extent of your injury. Don't make it more than it is, either. Get it looked at.
You can't control how he feels and reacts to a situation...and he has to work it out in his own head.
Assure him that, while a mistake was made, you know that it wasn't an intentional mistake and that both of you can learn and grow from it.

Master Fire

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