SophiaBelle
Posts: 38
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: junkyard
I know subs want those limits pushed. I have done the pushing and they have done the enjoying - but that was within the confines of real trust, not first night "let's pretend" trust with a stranger.
At what point of time did I ever say that the scenario would be in a first night "let's pretend" trust with a stranger? In fact, later on, I believe I specifically said that I felt one should get to know someone over a period of time before getting into a scene, more or less getting into their knickers.
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An acquaintence of mine recently told me how she took a man home with her one night because he was really attractive. That man proceeded to negotiate with her, and then scene with the woman in question. At some point he slugged her hard across the face so that it left a mark there for the next day. Did she stop the scene? No, she warned him, and they kept going. He then wanted to piss on her face - which had not been discussed. Things were fairly touch and go most of the night but she never stopped the situation. In my view she is lucky things did not go from bad to worse and quickly too. She got a good scare and decided to never see that man again.
My first question is... why did she not stop the scene? Also, and again, I do not particularly condone doing a scene with someone you don't know. I feel similar about girls who take men home from a bar, the risk is particularly high, and I would not do it.
I don't mean to be nasty, but if she thought that "warning" was sufficient then perhaps your friend is not ready to be doing scenes- particularly in private, with people she does not know.
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It's not presumptuous and rude - you have your scenarios, I have mine.
Another friend of mine recently visited Power Exchange in SF for the first time. She knows almost zero about the scene, but she met someone that night and scened with him right then and there - no negotiation, no real knowledge, no nothing. So right, no one says you have to jump into a scene and do stuff with someone you just met - but even people of otherwise above average intelligence will do things that are foolish and over their heads when they are horny.
It's mostly just starting to sound like your friends aren't very bright with how they go about things. I guess I can see why you're so jaded- you're surrounded by people who go about things the wrong, and unsafe, way.
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Most disinfection routines for leather will quickly destory the leather. Many toys have grooves and textured surfaces which are by no means easy to clean. And how many people are disinfecting their toys when switching from partner to partner at a play party? Again, this feels like a battle of scenarios: you discuss best case scenarios, and I am pointing up worst case scenarios. I am taking in a lot more territory assuming things are done wrongly and that annoys you for some reason, but it doesn't make me wrong. Far from it. I see it done wrongly and I hear about it being done wrongly ALL THE TIME. I daresay that if you would be honest about the matter - you know it's done wrongly ALL THE TIME too.
Yes, I am sure it is done wrong all the time. But it is also done right all the time. And I am not discussing the "best case" I am discussing the way things should (theoretically) properly be run, allowing things to be as SSC as possible. You do have a point with the leather, which I can't think of a direct way to counter. Of course, they do make floggers (especially in the sensation arena) made of different materials. And as for the grooves, etc, once again, if you are going to pull a toy out of one person and stick it in another, you should take the time to cleanse it properly.
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You talk about negotiation, but things can and do go badly. You talk about trust, but things can and do go badly.
Now I'm confused. ...Aren't you the one talking about trust? I mean, about long term, std tested, no condom using, trust? I do think trust should be used when one has partners, but I am pretty sure you do as well.
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I have been involved in prolongued discussions before on the subject of backlisting (that would be on the old and now defunct SF Frenzi list). Everything seems to suggest that what people want is an easy way to protect themselves when they are in a situation where they lack real trust because they frankly don't know their prospective partners that well. Newsflash: there is no cheat, no shortcut for the real thing. Either you have trust or you don't. It's that simple. You can use social pressure to try and keep someone in check (i.e. banning transgressors from lists, other types of blacklisting, etc) but that's still a false sense of protection.
I'm starting to get lazy- .. I agree with some, and disagree with others... but to make a long bit short, maybe they are looking for shortcuts, once, a.gain. I don't condone that. But, I think condoms are better than screwing around with nothing. I know you know this. You are just being contrary and sort of pious in a weird, not-working kind of way. Hey, you want to scene or screw without a rubber, be my guest, but don't tell the kiddies not to, okay?
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RE: Condoms as a Hard Limit - 
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