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bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/13/2005 10:42:37 PM

hardxdrive

Posts: 119
Joined: 7/12/2005
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i have gottwen sooo many emails since I been online for about 5 yrs. Most treat the bdsm lifestyle like they are getting the M.D. degree. It is just a fetish whether you live in 24/7 or just in bed. When I started there was no internet. I just learned from experince and making mistakes along the way. For the experince I got I have to thank geargirl and all my past female slaves for giving the the chance to express myself. your thoughts

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RE: bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/14/2005 1:04:50 AM

ElektraUkM

Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardxdrive

It is just a fetish whether you live in 24/7 or just in bed.

Immediate response: If a lot of what you get from e.g. an M/s relationship isn't about sex, can that be considered 'just' a fetish?

I'm thinking about the mentoring I get with my writing and art from Master.

~ Elektra

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RE: bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/14/2005 2:07:30 AM

clover

Posts: 68
Joined: 7/5/2005
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I don't consider the bdsm lifestyle a fetish, although certainly lots of people who enjoy 24/7 or bedroom bdsm DO have fetishes for one thing or another...or several.
The definition of a fetish is a sexual desire for a specific material object or (conventionally) non-sexual body part which is possibly essential for the fetishist's sexual gratification.
Someone can have a foot fetish or a latex fetish or a leather fetish. But I don't think BDSM in general qualifies, whether it's lifestyle or just in bed.
Besides, as Elektra mentioned - bdsm can fill needs and desires that aren't purely sexual in nature.

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RE: bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/14/2005 2:21:14 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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In my opinion, your wrong.

Depending on what your 'thing' is - BDSM, Ds, SM etc... none of these are a fetish persay, but they can be enhanced by using fetish.

BDSM is an acronym anyway.
Ds can be used as a fetish, but in alot of cases, no sexual gratification is sort.
SM can be widely acknowledged as a fetish, but again, not all use it for sexual, shamanistic, religious o are overly and abnormally obsessed by it.

If someone lives any of these as just a 'normal' life - like being gay or hetro - how can it be a fetish? In that case, every 'vanilla' (have to use is, sorry, hate that term) are living their own fetish.

If you are obsessed or over occupied with your kink or find some religious enlightenment from it - then sure - it's your fetish. But not for everyone else.

Peace and Love

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.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/14/2005 2:45:10 AM

clover

Posts: 68
Joined: 7/5/2005
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okay, I realize I probably missed most of the original question's point because I was so busy responding to the way "fetish" was used. That's just been a pet peeve since that BDSM Terminology 1101 course. Still working on that MD, ya know.

I guess what I meant to say was that for many of us, this is our lives - or at least a huge part of it - and not just trial and error playtime or fetish. Of course, hopefully playtime goes along with the whole package or it could be a little boring. I guess it all depends on what someone is looking for. But I don't see anything wrong with submissives and slaves approaching it with a serious attitude, especially when just getting to know someone new. It may be wrong for you, but don't assume that everybody should be like you.

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RE: bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/14/2005 4:48:03 AM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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I think dark~angel made some good points, because she considered the fact that it can be but doesn't have to be a lifestyle. I guess it is all a question of how much of it is your life. And this is not a value judgement.

For me, this is not a lifestyle. I am a dominant person and that will never change. If I had to limit my dominance to SSC, then I could never step out in public because I have a naturally dominant disposition when I interact with people. Dominance to me isn't lifestyle, it is part of my personality.

As for the bondage, the s&m, the humiliation, the discipline games, etc. these are all what I consider to be kinky expressions of my subversive sexuality. They are but one facet of me, not the sum of me, and therefore in my opinion cannot be lifestyle.

I mean I do more cycling then kinky sex these days (and that is because I do a whole lot of cycling <weg>) and so therefore, saying that cycling is my lifestyle would probably be more accurate. See what I'm getting at? My point is that I will not be defined by one of my facets.

Now I completely respect those who consider this a lifestyle. It is their lives and it is their choice to adhere or not to a lifestyle. And I say this without judgement as I'm not in their shoes and I don't have their perspective. From the same token, I expect respect from people who see me as a person with legitimacy and integrity who likes to participate in these dark and yummy pleasures.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/14/2005 5:12:03 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardxdrive

i have gottwen sooo many emails since I been online for about 5 yrs. Most treat the bdsm lifestyle like they are getting the M.D. degree. It is just a fetish whether you live in 24/7 or just in bed. When I started there was no internet. I just learned from experince and making mistakes along the way. For the experince I got I have to thank geargirl and all my past female slaves for giving the the chance to express myself. your thoughts

I don't consider my relationships and my identity as "just a fetish" though I understand that for many people that's exactly what it is.

But I agree that perhaps the idea of precise mastering goes a bit too far in our overinformed culture, it can't all be a bad thing.

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RE: bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/14/2005 5:13:09 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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quote:

For me, this is not a lifestyle. I am a dominant person and that will never change. If I had to limit my dominance to SSC, then I could never step out in public because I have a naturally dominant disposition when I interact with people. Dominance to me isn't lifestyle, it is part of my personality.

This is exactly how I feel as well. I do not care for many of the terms that have become common either. I don't consider myself to be a fetishist due to many of the words that are associated with this term (i.e. deviant, degenerate, pervert) All of these words are quite derogatory & I have a very high opinion & value associated with the way I live my life. I do engage in many of the fetishes, but having a healthy sex life & relationship with my partner does not require any of these fetishes.

I often jest about a line from the old Popeye cartoons, "I y'am what I y'am". This sums it up because I cannot conceive being anything less than who I am.

MstrssPassion

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RE: bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/14/2005 6:31:04 AM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
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Can you elaborate on what you mean by "getting an M. D." and "just a fetish"? To me, it's a little unclear. Are you saying that some treat this as a very serious thing when they should be treating it as just fun?

Fire

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you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

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RE: bdsm lifestyle as a whole - 7/14/2005 7:00:30 AM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
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I have to agree with most of the responses here. I don't think its just a fetish, at least not for me. And I don't study it like I would if I was getting an M.D. I do look for advice, but I don't consider that to be studying.

perfection

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Post #: 10