at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging?

at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (Full Version)

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Perplex -> at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/6/2007 10:58:01 PM)
I've known virgins who could twist a man's cock with desire into never needing another piece of pussy, ever. And I've known whore's who couldn't make a 17 year old boy cum by skill alone. At one point did "years in" become such a big deal. Yeah it helps to know that the person you're with knows the dangerous end of a flogger from the other end, but with a couple of guesses most people can figure it out. At least with D/s the ability to command matters, the ability to serve or submit matters. Some people get it right out of the gate some people never do, and even when they do it doesn't make sex an automatic win for everybody involved. It's why sex is never going t be an olympic sport, there are guys who do have the ability to lay any woman they meet and there are women who can't get laid on a saturday night in a small town where the movie theatre is closed for repairs. It matters when slot A is a good match for Tab B, it is in the artistry and the chemistry, the fates and the odds. or to put it more simply, they have to smell right to the other. But I keep running into this emphasis on these boards about simple years being the divisor line between good and bad. It's like a doctor saying something is good or bad, in a general way maybe it's true, but for every case of second hand smoke you can find killing someone at 35, you can find a hundred year old 4 pack a day smoker. Sex like health is a matter of the indivdual not the collective. At least good sex is.

Estring -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/6/2007 11:04:18 PM)
I would like you to show me one case of a 35 year old dying from second hand smoke. The rest of your post is unintelligible.

CuriousLord -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 12:25:51 AM)
He was pointing out the empathesis on the value of BDSM-related experience on these boards and his feeling that it's misplaced.

Prinsexx -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 1:07:01 AM)
I understand the post. It has less to do with years on the scene or experience and yes I agree a great deal to do with smell . that most primitive of connections. It has a great deal to do with SKILL where practices rely on skills such as rope and knife play. I do feel that experience as a submissive supports and helps and guides a person who switches and develops as a dom(me0 and vice versa. But it is possible, in relationship, to simply GET it.

Lordandmaster -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 1:09:18 AM)
Oh, yes, please let's turn this into another "the free market is the only solution to the world's problems and America is becoming a nanny state" thread. I mean, we've never done that before. quote: ORIGINAL: Estring I would like you to show me one case of a 35 year old dying from second hand smoke. The rest of your post is unintelligible.

Perplex -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 2:48:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord He was pointing out the empathesis on the value of BDSM-related experience on these boards and his feeling that it's misplaced. it is less about the expierence I was objecting to, and more about the assumption = someone learned something. In every profession and most artisan-crafts how long someone is doing something is secondary to the "student" being able to pass certain Boards (exams) or skill assessments (like for plumbing or blacksmithing). Granted most people do spend a number years learning thier trade but before they call themselves by a title they have learned the skills to back it up, which is more than simple "I've been in the life for 250 years," and with things as ephemeral as sex or love there will be natural connections and natural talents, as well as the truely clueless no matter how long they try.

mefisto69 -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 3:49:37 AM)
well.......some like to pad their "resumes" to sound/feel important. i think the larger concern here is that so very few have to ability to 'teach' and won't risk exposure by scening/playing with newbies.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 4:23:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mefisto69 well.......some like to pad their "resumes" to sound/feel important. i think the larger concern here is that so very few have to ability to 'teach' and won't risk exposure by scening/playing with newbies. I haven't seen this to be true, myself. Most of those I knew/know have been more than eager to play with those new to the scene. I always had the impression that there was a sense of excitement over the new. Almost as if one could recapture their own initial excitement through the new persons experiences. I imagine this depends on the locale and how uptight the members are in their local scene. I know the scene is very different here in Michigan than it was in Louisiana. Michigan players, that I have come across, appeared to me to be more reserved and conservative than many of the players in Louisiana. Even that is based off my limited interaction in the Grand Rapids scene and can't really be a basis of fact, nor is it a representation of the whole of Michigan. It is merely my perception, based off my limited experience. As for being unable to teach, this too isn't something I've found to be true (as a whole) with those I've known. I've had those I took under my wing and taught, later teaching at Leather Leadership conferences, as well as running "newbie" classes, sharing their experiences with those new to the BDSM scene. This belief of yours must stem from somewhere, I'm sure. Most likely your own experience, it just doesn't mirror my own. edited to add a few thoughts that came to me after I'd posted

Archer -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 5:11:12 AM)
OK so lets see in most things it gets placed second after passing the boards for the skill. Well since there are no flippin boards for what we do, that would move eperience right back to the top of the list now wouldn't it. LOL Boomeranged by your own logic, rub the lump on the back of your head out and try this again.

daddysliloneds -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 5:20:57 AM)
there's many in real life and on these boards that are skilled in a number of things; masters of many things, if you will, and they deserve bragging rights and their resumes they tote along to prove it. there's also many in real life and on these boards that are skilled in a number of things; master of many things, if you will, and while they deserve bragging rights and toting their resumes along with it to prove it, yet, they don't because they don't feel the need to impress anyone... sooooooo, basically it all boils down to those who feel they need to impress people, and there's those who don't feel they need to impress anyone; all depends on the context of the situation they're placed in; kind of like applying for a job.

Archer -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 5:21:48 AM)
Years of experience does not mean much unless you dig a little deeper and find out ten years of once a month, ten years of hunting for a partner and going through the same 1 year of relationships until reaching the point in the relationship that causes failure. 10 Years of being in a stable relationship meeting and overcomming challanges. 10Years of being at every class and party in the local area, being exposed to people with skill levels from novice to expert. 10 years of making fewer and fewer mistakes each year developing a reasonable level of skill and reputation. Filling in the blank behind the number of years, tells you something that is of value when you evaluate the weight of the person's knowledge and opinions.

Stephann -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 5:38:44 AM)
Did I miss the job fair? And why is it (submissive female) newbies need to be protected from the inexperienced (dominant males who clearly are competing for said submissive females) all the time? Stephan

mnottertail -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 5:41:04 AM)
Jeez Voltaire, you're in the same boat as me I guess. Well, what the fuck, I was looking for a job when I found this one, no biggie. Ron

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 5:59:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Years of experience does not mean much unless you dig a little deeper and find out ten years of once a month, ten years of hunting for a partner and going through the same 1 year of relationships until reaching the point in the relationship that causes failure. 10 Years of being in a stable relationship meeting and overcomming challanges. 10Years of being at every class and party in the local area, being exposed to people with skill levels from novice to expert. 10 years of making fewer and fewer mistakes each year developing a reasonable level of skill and reputation. Filling in the blank behind the number of years, tells you something that is of value when you evaluate the weight of the person's knowledge and opinions. First, let me say that I think this makes an excellent point. Very true, and I agree wholeheartedly. Except, in situations where it is not about long-term relationships. Not everyone who participates in BDSM needs or wants to make this about long-term relationships. I have known quite a few who indulged their passion for BDSM, who are skilled and experienced at it, but lead otherwise vanilla lives, or are focused on their careers, or are not interested in making BDSM an integral part of their lives, outside of play parties and scenes.

AnonymouseTC -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 6:00:06 AM)
I'm sure its true that some people pad or obfuscate their "resume" in order to build up their ego or reputation, and I also believe that years don't always equal quality. However, I do think that a lot of subs prefer someone with experience (however measured) due to the large amount of trust required in many relationships. Granted it will vary depending on the activities and setting etc, but overall I don't think it is unreasonable for subs/slaves to look for someone who knows what they are doing. For me at least, the further any activity gets away from the "basics" the more I need to consider the skill level of the Dom. If it were just an over the knee spanking by hand at a party or something, no big deal. But as you get further advanced, the trust level requirement grows and expands and part of the way I make that judgement is by trying to determine how skilled and experienced the person is. Don't get me wrong, if I don't click with a person or its not a fit in some other kind of way, I don't care how experienced they are. Not going to happen. But, if there is a choice between a skilled person I click with and an un or semi skilled person, it definitely makes a difference in the choice. So I think that they way that we decide who is skilled or experienced may sometimes be flawed, but I don't think the underlying reasons behind it are.

nephandi -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 6:11:51 AM)
Hi i have never had any problems whit pepole not wanting me becouse i am inexperienced, but that they ask how experienced i am is natrual, that is just the safe thing to do. For exsample if i am experienced i could tell the Dom how much i could take, from experience, i would probably had one or two times when things went wrong and be less likely to freak and so on. No expeience is not everything, but it is allot. i wish you well.

celticlord2112 -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 6:19:00 AM)
I have observed on these boards a recurring tendency to conflate BDSM "scenes" with a BDSM "lifestyle" (which obviously would have the scenes as one dimension)..... If all that matters is the technical skill of flogging (or knife play or whatever your kink is), then of course one will consider another's "resume". However, if one is seeking relationships and social interactions predicated on the dynamics of power exchange, the technical resume is a minor consideration--it doesn't matter how good someone is with the flogger if emotionally he's an ass.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 7:01:09 AM)
I think everyone misses the point on this. it is about balance0 in your life and those around you. if your out of balance then so is everything around you or would seem to be. years help keep us in balance we know what is right and wrong... if we were to take each person apart at their very core and lay out their life like road map and say. you should have turned here vs over there. life teaches you when you should turn or not.. older people make wiser choices most of the time there are always a few exceptions. so years is important. for mental and physical healthy reasons

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 7:10:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 I have observed on these boards a recurring tendency to conflate BDSM "scenes" with a BDSM "lifestyle" (which obviously would have the scenes as one dimension)..... If all that matters is the technical skill of flogging (or knife play or whatever your kink is), then of course one will consider another's "resume". However, if one is seeking relationships and social interactions predicated on the dynamics of power exchange, the technical resume is a minor consideration--it doesn't matter how good someone is with the flogger if emotionally he's an ass. I don't understand why people have to disparage those who aren't interested in devoting their life, time and energy into a relationship involving D's. BDSM as an aspect of ones life, albeit not the main focus, does not have to be one dimensional. To the person who enjoys a more casual interaction, it is just as rich and fulfilling to them, as it can be to the person who makes it their be-all, end-all reason for existing. I think, sometimes, that those who focus on just D's and power-exchange, while diregarding the wide spectrum of life experieces are just as one-dimensional in their thinking. If D's is your focus and forming a long-term relationship that is enriched by a power-exchange is your thing. Great. If it isn't, and you just want to indulge the thrill of the moment with the flavor of the moment, great. I don't see how one has to be a higher calling and the other one dimensional. So long as you are honest about what you want, and seek it responsibly, I don't see the issue.

celticlord2112 -> RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragging? (9/7/2007 7:15:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance I don't understand why people have to disparage those who aren't interested in devoting their life, time and energy into a relationship involving D's. I certainly hope you are not getting that from my comment....because that is certainly not my intent. My point was and is that many times on these boards I have witnessed the language typically applied to the lifestyle used to describe scening.

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