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RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 7:23:33 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		fast reply

Those who can, do. That's all the resume you need.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 7:32:41 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
I don't understand why people have to disparage those who aren't interested in devoting their life, time and energy into a relationship involving D's.


I certainly hope you are not getting that from my comment....because that is certainly not my intent.  My point was and is that many times on these boards I have witnessed the language typically applied to the lifestyle used to describe scening.

I can see your point, and how I misread your post. I hope to see you elaborating on what you see as the difference between what we do in a scene being separate from what it is we do as a lifestyle, at some point in the future.  This thread probably isn't the respectable place to do so, since it would very likely hijack the topic.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 9/7/2007 7:34:21 AM >

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 7:43:02 AM   
amelliagrace


Posts: 1792
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Did I miss the job fair?

And why is it (submissive female) newbies need to be protected from the inexperienced (dominant males who clearly are competing for said submissive females) all the time?

Stephan


 
 
 
That is an excellent question.  I've wondered the same thing myself.  Truth be told, I do see the point that a slave/submissive/bottom runs a greater risk of harm at the hands of a Dominant who has misrepresented themself than vice versa, simply due to the nature of power exchange and scening.   It is important, I think, to differentiate between someone who is clearly a newbie Dominant and someone who has blatantly misrepresented their skill level.  Two things often overlooked are that; (1) The Dominant/Master/Top is not immune to injury at the hands of a submissive who has either misrepresented themselves or is a complete idiot - though the risks are fo rthe most part different that the risks run bythe submissive and  (2) A slave/submissive/bottom is not a hunk of meat on a shelf with no brain, no freedom of choice, and no responsibility.  JMNSHO, but any submissive who doesn't take reasonable care in selecting a partner(s), and then wants to complain after the fact about mistreatment on some level, truly has no more right to do so than anyone else on the planet who's had a negative relationship or scene experience.  If the subbie did in fact look carefully, procede with caution and thought, and still gets burned (sometimes literally) by a lying cretin in Dom's clothing, or one with a "padded" resume, then the submissive has every right to complain about it.  IF there were those in the community who knew the Dominant had padded his resume, or was a lying cretin in Dominants clothing, and didn't comment on it to a newbie submissive, then, again JMO, they share responsibility for injury, and for not making an attempt to protect the submissive.  I'm not talking about happenstance, accident, or whim of fate, but harm resulting from "society" not attempting to protect itself and its citizenry from clear threats and known lose cannons - not about micromanaging someone elses lifestyle choices and practices.  So, BTW, does the greater BDSM community at large.  Yes, all of this still, again JMNSHO, apply if your take everything about and switch out the terms Dominant/Master/Top and slave/submissive/bottom.
 
A comment on a slightly related subject:  As a submissive,I believe that one of my greatest contributions to the BDSM community, the "lifestyle" and humanity in general is to contribute to the developement of the less experienced.  That contribution may take many forms, from casual freindshp and the exchange of ideas, to offering an ass for practice, to freely discussing the internal dynamics of my own submission. 
 
"Newbie" and "Beginner" are not negatives in and of themselves, whether the person be Dom or sub.
 
All of a sudden I have the feeling i'm being about as clear as mud.
 
-grace
 
PS 
Reminds me of something else I'd like to see on a t-shirt:
  Subbie/Dom by birth
  Newbie for a season
  Kinky by the grace of God

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 7:45:21 AM   
amelliagrace


Posts: 1792
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline 		 My point was and is that many times on these boards I have witnessed the language typically applied to the lifestyle used to describe scening.



[/quote]

Valid and pertinent point, well expressed.  Thanks for saying that, and saying it so well.
 
-grace

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 7:46:31 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		While I do believe that experience is given way too much emphasis with the personal side and other things in general here, I do not think most people that write on the boards and the general theme of experience is more often then not expressed as an innocent way to go “hey look my words have basis in real time” and in the end it is not the author of look at my experience that matters anyway but what a person reading the words and their thoughts and reactions to them are.

This is a written medium and there is only so much a person can do to get an image of themselves, whether true or false one, out there for others to see. People will inevitably want to compete against other people and the limits of online make the “experience” chest thump to be a common gambit that when light is shown on it does not hold up to well.

The other problem with online and discussion with this life is the focus is mostly on the kinks and toys which also makes it easier to trump experience as more important then it is as these topics lend themselves more to I have done this so and so times. It simply can distort the importance of experience in the big picture to make it look like it is more important then it is. After all in looking for “vanilla” relationships how many people ask, rank or care how many times the other has done on things?

The truth is experience is a factor but like with most things in the world it depends on other variables to have any meaning. If I am looking for a casual top/bottom relationship then experience in toys and “scenes” would be quite high. If I am looking for a 24/7 power exchange relationship and the person’s experience is only toys and scenes then that experience is close to useless to me and certainly if I am looking for love and a long term relationship then any experience should be low on anyone’s criteria as there are simply way more things that two people need to be compatible that you cannot change but with experience that is the one thing that can be easily fixed.

The fact when people write whether about themselves or share opinions they often, mostly subconsciously, want to show people that they know what they are writing about or for some look how special I am. Experience is just a word that gets thrown around by many people as just another online attempt to shortcut to the top of the mythical king of the mountain.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to amelliagrace)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 7:51:00 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I like knowing what experience a person generally has and "years in" can be a quick easy route to get to the point.

Anyone who feels the need to regularly pronounce their years and levels of experience however is pretty obviously just trying to prove something- and usually they tend to prove something far less desireable.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 7:52:38 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		I've noticed several of this type of post recently. I'm not sure what brings it up other than someone who feels inadequate or insecure because of lack of time in BDSM and feels that others aren't taking them seriously. Having such a negative reaction to someone's supposed reputation based upon time in the lifestyle means you're probably insecure about your own reputation, feeling that your own amount of time in the lifestyle reflects badily upon you. What people keep forgetting is that this isn't a competition. If someone seems to be denigrating your ideas or opinions based on something as easy to cure as experience, you have the option of deciding their opinion is irrelevant. If someone takes their word over yours... oh well. Who cares?  Next time it may be your advice that resonates with someone. The only person who can make you feel inadequate about something is yourself. YOU decide if you're lacking in some way. Really, if reputation is your focus, write a book. Then everyone will know your name and count you an expert no matter your experience level. It isn't only time in the lifestyle that determine experience and reputation. And just because someone mentions they've been in the lifestyle for 20 years doesn't mean they're running you down because you're a short timer. It just means they've mentioned it.

I never judge someone based solely on their length of time in the lifestyle. I know a Dominant man in his late 60s who has been into BDSM since his late teens. He is experienced as hell, has scads of knowledge and the emotional maturity of an 8 year old. While I respect his knowledge and use him as a source of information I'd never recommend him as a Dominant.  You have to use your own judgement about how much weight to put on someone's amount of experience.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 7:52:41 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I like knowing what experience a person generally has and "years in" can be a quick easy route to get to the point.

Anyone who feels the need to regularly pronounce their years and levels of experience however is pretty obviously just trying to prove something- and usually they tend to prove something far less desireable.


Sure basically make my point in a lot fewer words and way more clearer!

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 8:50:57 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Am wondering and hopefully am not going off topic by asking this, but in the concept of experience and years in, would someone who has lots of years with one s-type be as experienced with different types of play and the ability to read a new s-type as someone who has maybe fewer years of experience but with a wider variety of people?

It seems to me that most of the ones that i "hear" about all their years of experience, most seem to be talking about years with one submissive or slave. i would think that while many years of experience with one person might show that a person has some experience at longer term relationships, it doesn't necessarily indicate a wide range of experience with a variety of toys and styles or the ability to read different s-types.

heartfelt


_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 9:22:18 AM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline 		All true.

And yet...

Experience is the best metric we have available. And years in the scene is one of the more objective measurements of experience.

(in reply to Perplex)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 9:32:19 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: teamnoir

All true.

And yet...

Experience is the best metric we have available. And years in the scene is one of the more objective measurements of experience.



But not subkective-everything you do with a new person will differ from those of the past-except in basic techniques. Which are always trumped by the ability to relate.

(in reply to teamnoir)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 10:20:49 AM   
Perplex


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

OK so lets see in most things it gets placed second after passing the boards for the skill.
Well since there are no flippin boards for what we do, that would move eperience right back to the top of the list now wouldn't it. LOL

Boomeranged by your own logic, rub the lump on the back of your head out and try this again.


*rubbing the back of my...HEY that's not my head!..HEY THAT'S NOT YOUR BOOMERANG!"*

good points, however the premise of my arguement remains the same, "years in" does not equate to skill.. Now if you said "I've trained 6 slaves, done 700 public scenes, 399 private canings" that would have some meaning based on the logic that if you sucked somewhere in those 700 public scenes someone woudl have beat you to death with your own flogger out of self defense. 

like anything a person with a new dom/sub has to sniff aroudn the edges to judge the Bullshit factor on a case by case basis, but my objection remains the same, Years in = being a good at something doesn't compute, there are a millon civil servants out there with 30 years in but I don't notice the paperwork at the DMV moving any faster. 

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 10:23:00 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		The years in is the start point of the discussion not the end point.
10 years in with 3 years of that being online and the rest having shuffled around to different pertners every year, tells you one thing. 10 years all with the same slave tells you something else. And 10 years as a Professional Domme tells you something else entirely. Non of these things is good or bad in and of itself they simply tell you things about the person that can make the difference between the weight you give their opinion or the potential for a relationship, or even the potential for a single hot scene at the next party. 3 years online only being included tells me they want to pad the resume, the restshuffleing around tells me they have some trouble getting past the one year point, maybe have trouble making commitments long term.
!0 years with the same slave tells me lots of commitment but maybe not as well versed reading different people, good source ofr relationship stuff likely maybe not so good a source when asking about things that vary sinificantly from person to person.
10 Years as a Pro tells me negotiation skills likely highly honed, reading the bodies of a wide variety of people likely very high, in fact most physical and mental play skills are likely all highly developed, however relationship long term questions may have a better source than this person with someone else.

Again the "years in" tells you where to start the next set of questions what did you do during those 5,10,15,250 years?
How often did you play? How long have your relationships lasted? How many classes have you attended? Taught? during that time...


(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 10:25:50 AM   
Perplex


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: teamnoir

All true.

And yet...

Experience is the best metric we have available. And years in the scene is one of the more objective measurements of experience.



great use of the word metric in a sentence...a word not used nearly often enough I've always thought...but good points too....

(in reply to teamnoir)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 10:50:21 AM   
Perplex


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Did I miss the job fair?

And why is it (submissive female) newbies need to be protected from the inexperienced (dominant males who clearly are competing for said submissive females) all the time?

Stephan


 
 
 
Welcome to the hijack.
I've actually thought alot about this Stephan, since I got lumped in with a bunch of similarly voiced posts I got hit with the same knight errant stick, which is a lot more fair than I want to easily admit.  I think the chivalric Knight Errant idea of dom-hood is a valid one though, not for the reasons you state --though I agree there are a lot of people who use it for that purpose.
 
It comes from being a reader at an extremely young age.  Esp. if you grew up on the classics, Kidnapped, Ivanhoe, Jack London, Louis L'Amour.  The Knight Errant as dom (in a vannillaish sense) is instilled in the psyche the same way Jung and Freud talked about sexual difference being instilled by other events in a person's life. 
 
Speaking of being competitive, the sardonic super-cool doms who always have a smart ass thing to say are also doing it to attract people, they just learned to use thier mouths not thier fists to do it.  And as Dominguy pointed out a couple of weeks ago these boards in a lot of way is a big audition hall so all things are fair.
 
but I think the Knight Errant thing can be as valid as anythign else, if it works..well that's up to the marketplace mostly and if a guy gets what he wants then it worked for him, and if not mebbe he should think about another gig.  The question then becomes what is true, if the Knight Errant is just a cloak to hide a monster then all the assumptions are fair, but if he would  put his own goals second behind the need of a situation then he's doing his thing.  The same thing can be asked of the smartass types, if they shutup when they know they might get thier ass beat in a bar, then it's just an act but if they continue even if it means an asskicking then it's real. 

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 10:59:44 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

At one point did "years in" become such a big deal.  Yeah it helps to know that the person you're with knows the dangerous end of a flogger from the other end, but with a couple of guesses most people can figure it out.


Years?  Years with someone else does not count to me.  I don't care if someone had 50 years of flogging, whipping or spanking for that matter.

They are still a potential dangerous idiot to me.  Those that compare love and bdsm, same.  'I loved so-n-so and beat her so nice she loved it' does not mean crap to me.  Their state of mind, education, life experience, occupation, capable and culpable parenting skills and finacial skills are important to me. Without these, they guy is an idiot with a whip.


(in reply to Perplex)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 2:16:40 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		BDSM became a fertile ground for bragging rights just when it was practiced by human beings. Human beings rank themselves and each other and if no one else will do it for them, they'll do it themselves.

As far as disparaging those who use the oh so sacred language of the "lifestyle" to denote their scening and how they are blasphaming something holy, oh please. They have as much right to talk about what they do as you do. You like to look down on them because they aren't twue and they look down on you for not being multifaceted.  See? Another perfect example of humanity's need to try to jockey for position, pushing past each other as though we were all horses in a speed race.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 2:23:30 PM   
e01n


Posts: 1472
Status: offline 		A case of how things can work well:

She and I met on the boards here, discussing rope bondage - examples, sources, safety. I made mention of techniques and how I learned them - from observing others playing, but also via websites. She mentioned actually taking classes from a number of respected teachers and demonstrators and bottoming for them in demonstrations as well.

We did not discuss time. It was implied by a number of things ("Oh, yeah, Shibaricon... I was there in <year> doing X...", "I learned Y from <someone's real name that's been deceased>"), but no one said "I have 20-some years experience" or anything of the like. Instead, our conversation was about a) what we know and how we know it, b) who we know (references, if we use the job interview model), c) what we find intriguing and what we like about WIITWD and d) some ideas on what might be a good framework to network and get to know each other socially...

Could I have taken Her "Some "celebrities" in what it is we do and that I've learned from in person include:" as bragging and "resume padding"? Sure, if I were shopping for something to hold against Her. Instead, I took Her at face value as a person looking to have an intelligent discussion citing sources. And frankly, I look forward to this coming May with some anticipation...

How it could work very badly:
A: <boastfully> I've done this for years... (meaning maybe 1.5)
B: <modestly> I'm new to the scene... (meaning 5-6 years)

When "newbie" B has to show "expert" A how to do something, it's not good for anyone. Sore feelings develop and bad report is given. Easier just to talk like adults instead of children in a sandbox showing off toys...

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 2:30:49 PM   
glassdoll


Posts: 131
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline 		the idea that bondage and the lifestyle isn't just about sex. The older the dom is, the more wisdom s/he has aqquired.

(in reply to Perplex)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: at what point did D/s/B/d become about resume bragg... - 9/7/2007 2:33:31 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		Why everyone is being on the train of media sheepism. We can say each person is unto them selves unique. But you know who cares what you do or who with just do not step on my shoes while your doing your thing. In other words you can believe what you want do what you want. As long as it does not interfere with my freedoms or my right to do things for me.. The moment you do that. You are being no better then people you are being critical of

(in reply to e01n)
Profile   Post #: 40
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