RE: what would you do? (Full Version)

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BDsbabygirl -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 6:41:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL POST: slaverosebeauty 
For MJ an I, that would not happen. We are monagumous and intend on staying that way. A female play partner on rare occassion might come into play some time down the road, right notgonnahappen. We are both very much in a 'one-on-one' mindset, where adding another would not be benifital to either of us or to our relationship. If He changed His mind and wanted another slave, I would be gone or she would. Its cut and dry. Me or her. Not both. MJ doesn't get His cake and eat it too, regardless if He IS a Master or not. Its not how our relationship works or what its built on. He knows my feelings on this, and He respects them and agrees with them.
  
What she said. But replace "MJ" with "Big Daddy".
 
quote:

ORIGINAL POST: feastie 
That would have been one of the first things I'd have brought up for discussion in the early days.  I don't share, no way, no how.

Exactly.

*sigh* I've seen quite a few of these posts and (not to knock the OP, for I feel for her) it always amazes me how people didn't establish this from the get-go. Before I fell for BD, I made sure I was gonna be the one and only, wasn't gonna let my feelings go just to end up hurt. Sorry I can't offer any other advice beyond what others here have said. Talk to him and make a decision based on what he says/rules.





LATEXBABY64 -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 6:47:39 AM)

i have to agree with that. I do not share get your own damn toys .. People who say they need more then one sub or slave are fractal people they are not centered. You can teach anyone to do or be anything to you it has been proven. It is where their heart is that makes the difference



CuriousLord -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 6:52:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I would cry. A lot.  I would lock myself in my apartment for a week resenting him and eating ice cream and crying into my pillow when I sleep and waking up after having nightmares about it.  And I would pray that he change his mind and realize he actually loves me enough to want to be with me.

But I have really bad coping skills.


Hah, aw!  That's adorable.  *Hug.*



kikinymph -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:01:22 AM)

What would I do?  well, I'm smart enough to know that I'm not really poly-hardwired...but, with certain lines that HAVE been drawn, and a good line of communication (and yes because we are human, it gets garbled alot) we manage.  On that note however, let me quote Tina Turner here and say "What's Love Got To Do With It"?  What a person can and cannot do is not necessarily determined by love, but by their personal values, needs, wants and motivations.  Best get your lines of communication up and running, cuz if you don't, then all you are doing is setting yourself, and HIM, as well as the unnamed other, for a great deal of hurt and disappointment.  And truthfully, which is worse: stomaching something that you don't want and ending up with his disappointment, or being honest?

Kiki



amelliagrace -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:03:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlandSusy

He is your Master... you do as your told


Oh, really?  And does this extend to being told to have sex with a minor?  How about robbing a bank?  Cheating on the income taxes?  Driving recklessly and over the speed limit?  Sex with a stranger without a condom? Doing something else extremely dangerous that endangers life and limb?  Does this extend to placing yourself in a possition to sacrifice your personhood?  How about going to jail as a direct result of his irresponsibility?
 
I certainly hope you see that there is a sometimes a fine line between being a healthy "slave" and being a side of beef, a doormat, a punching bag, an abused piece of chattel that is not valued.  Even in TPE, the reality remains that each person remains individually accountable to their Higher Power, personal integrity, and law of the land.  "My Master made me do it" just isn't gonig to cut it as an excuse.  You may  feel that it is incumbent upon you to do whatever anyway.  I on the other hand would consider that mindset, with no boundaries whatsoever, to be the complete antithesis of sane consensuality.
 
My question, in response to yours, is "Why in the world would you consider someone who'd order you to do "anything" without care and consideration for how it might harm trust, relationship and his property, worthy of even 10 minutes of your time?"  I've met some pretty harsh Dominants.  What I've never met is a "real" one (as opposed to a "player" or an abuser/predator in Dom's clothing" with any personal integrity who'd disregard hard limits, or ignore softer ones without a LOT of discussion and deliberation.
 
JMNSHO, and based on years of work in public health, bdsm relationships, and dealing with abused spouses of both sexes outside the public health arena, the statement "He is your Master, you do as you are told", in instances such as the OP's , or those I've mentioned here, is just plain asinine, irresponsible, stupidity.
 
I do not mean to be disrespectful to you as a person, but as you can tell I have EXTREMELY strong feelings on this issue.  I've seen what can happen when such attitudes are embraced without limits, boundaries.  While I rarely say "never" about anything, I'll say that I've NEVER seen a happy ending to those situations.
 
My apologies to all for the momentary, semi-derailment of this thread.
 
-grace



privatelives -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:04:48 AM)

i would ask Him 'why'?!
 if it was me and totally out of the blue it would make me feel a little low, maybe even unworthy of Him...
Is quantity always better than quality? i dunno, but i have to agree with BoiJen, i would have hoped the discussion had arisen at the beginning of the relationship.
Just because your profile states bisexual shouldnt mean that you are looking more to the polyamarous side.
This is just my opinion & opinions dont count for much.
Good luck.
 
(subangel)



BoiJen -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:06:45 AM)

I find it interesting that the OP has not actually responded to any of the questions on what were your previous negotiations?

Before anybody can make an assumption on how they would feel in this situation they have to have the details of it. Because right now people are saying in "my relationship..." well fuck! This aint your relationship that's being discussed. It's someone else's. And that someone else hasn't filled in the blanks.

I'm clear when  talk to people...if it's not dicussed in negotiation then the D-type is given free reign on the not dicussed subject. No limits or lines were drawn. And it's not cool to suddenly change the lines of what's okay and what's not. It's manipulative to do so. "But my feelings...." weren't important enough to mention the subject then so what are you bitching about?

I don't think it's okay to spring the poly thing on anyone. As a D-type though that's someone's perogative. That's why they're the ones in charge. As a s-type...well....no being poly doesn't mean they want to share your love with someone they aren't okay with. Which means as a s-type you have no room at all to "demand" to have another "Master" in the mix. Another male can be suggestable but generally owners don't share unless they're a couple. It means they have someone they're cool with and would like to share their love with. And hopefully you'll have some love for too. Doesn't have to be romantic but if they're living with you familial love is a good thing.

In the end...it doesn't matter what anybody feels they would do in their relationship. You're not this guy's or this girl's partner. We don't have all the details. Therefor what we have to say on it doesn't really fit for her situation anyways.

Besides...when are people gonna stop bitching about "my Master wants another girl" when they didn't negtiate that topic in the first place? Who's "wrong" then? The guy who assumed because the girl didn't mention it she was cool with it and now feels the shit is turning on him, or the girl who didn't mention it to the guy so she assumed he's monogamous and is mad because he wants to have another person in his life?



camille65 -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:12:44 AM)

If it is never brought up during the beginning negotiations then perhaps it is something that is not thought of at that time.

Not everyone has a long checklist with possibilities written in detail.



BoiJen -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:14:15 AM)

If it's important enough to end the relationship over then it damn well better be brought up at the beginning of it.



camille65 -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:16:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

If it's important enough to end the relationship over then it damn well better be brought up at the beginning of it.


My point is, that very few people can anticipate every single change or possibility of things down the road.
If you are bright enough to cover every contingent, every curve in the road then more power to ya. Most cannot.

Edit: dang hit the okay button way too soon. again.



BoiJen -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:20:13 AM)

Sure I can agree with that. My point is if something is big enough that you would have to end the relationship over it would be considered a limit. And in a lifestyle where things like poly relationship or at leats the mention of them are pretty freakin common I would think something this simple as "hey I'm monogamous and I want a monogamous partner" wouldn't be too hard to bring up.

For me it's the same as "death is a limit cuz I can only do it once so I'm gonna have to say if we go there then our relationship is over"



amelliagrace -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:20:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I find it interesting that the OP has not actually responded to any of the questions on what were your previous negotiations?

Before anybody can make an assumption on how they would feel in this situation they have to have the details of it. Because right now people are saying in "my relationship..." well fuck! This aint your relationship that's being discussed. It's someone else's. And that someone else hasn't filled in the blanks.

I'm clear when  talk to people...if it's not dicussed in negotiation then the D-type is given free reign on the not dicussed subject. No limits or lines were drawn. And it's not cool to suddenly change the lines of what's okay and what's not. It's manipulative to do so. "But my feelings...." weren't important enough to mention the subject then so what are you bitching about?

I don't think it's okay to spring the poly thing on anyone. As a D-type though that's someone's perogative. That's why they're the ones in charge. As a s-type...well....no being poly doesn't mean they want to share your love with someone they aren't okay with. Which means as a s-type you have no room at all to "demand" to have another "Master" in the mix. Another male can be suggestable but generally owners don't share unless they're a couple. It means they have someone they're cool with and would like to share their love with. And hopefully you'll have some love for too. Doesn't have to be romantic but if they're living with you familial love is a good thing.

In the end...it doesn't matter what anybody feels they would do in their relationship. You're not this guy's or this girl's partner. We don't have all the details. Therefor what we have to say on it doesn't really fit for her situation anyways.

Besides...when are people gonna stop bitching about "my Master wants another girl" when they didn't negtiate that topic in the first place? Who's "wrong" then? The guy who assumed because the girl didn't mention it she was cool with it and now feels the shit is turning on him, or the girl who didn't mention it to the guy so she assumed he's monogamous and is mad because he wants to have another person in his life?



Plenty of good points there, BoiJen.



camille65 -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:24:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Sure I can agree with that. My point is if something is big enough that you would have to end the relationship over it would be considered a limit. And in a lifestyle where things like poly relationship or at leats the mention of them are pretty freakin common I would think something this simple as "hey I'm monogamous and I want a monogamous partner" wouldn't be too hard to bring up.

For me it's the same as "death is a limit cuz I can only do it once so I'm gonna have to say if we go there then our relationship is over"



Well poly never came up with my dom and I, it wasn't something I was interested in whatsoever so it was not in my mind. Poly may be obvious to you but it isn't obvious to everyone.
Not every contingent can be thought of ahead of time, is my point on this.



BDsbabygirl -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:28:43 AM)

While I can agree that poly may not have been something that came up in the beginning - maybe she was unaware of the lifestyle?, I was at first - I personally have always established that we were gonna be monogamous, even when I was vanilla. Granted, it wasn't brought up on day 1, but I did make sure of the path we were taking by the time my feelings were running rampant.



privatelives -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:30:21 AM)

But is it wrong to make an 'assumption' at the beginning of a relationship using the information given? i mean maybe the Master just *thought* as she is bisexual it goes along the same lines as 'polyamarous'? i guess it could depend on His experience as a Dom as to whether He found it of great significance at the beginning, or maybe Hes testing the water so to speak to see just how important the topic of introducing another sub would affect His one right now...
This is just my opinion & opinions dont count for much.
(subangel)



chellekitty -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:33:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen
<snip>

Before anybody can make an assumption on how they would feel in this situation they have to have the details of it. Because right now people are saying in "my relationship..." well fuck! This aint your relationship that's being discussed. It's someone else's. And that someone else hasn't filled in the blanks.

<snip>

In the end...it doesn't matter what anybody feels they would do in their relationship. You're not this guy's or this girl's partner. We don't have all the details. Therefor what we have to say on it doesn't really fit for her situation anyways.
<snip>



but that is the point of the OP...she posted the question as: what would you do? so we are replying with, what we would do...she didn't say, what should i do, or there would be a lot fewer posts or a lot more jumping to conclusions or perhaps a lot more going back and reading old posts - cause if you are like me you remember the drama she caused months ago...



BoiJen -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:38:05 AM)

I wasn't paying that much attention ...

You don't have to think of everything at the beginning. However the structure of the relationship you do. And if you didn't bring it up then it's your fault as much as the other person for not bringing it up. That's all I'm saying. Don't bitch about what hasn't been mentioned before mentioning it. That's all.



camille65 -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:41:27 AM)

But Master......

we never discussed using my skin for lampshades when we first met!

[8|]

*it puts the lotion on its skin*



HalloweenWhite -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:46:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaughterSlave

You  have a master and you love him to death. All of a sudden he want to have another female slave to join  your relationship. You  really don't wantto share him. What would you do?


You should tell Him how you feel, and I agree with people who mentioned making sure He knew how you felt from the start.



PlayfulOne -> RE: what would you do? (9/10/2007 7:51:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
I won't flex too many brain cells on this one.


Thats a wise choice.  This "family" needs a permanent thread called,  "and the train wreck this week is".

newsflash for ya daughterslave,  they are a couple so your already part of a group.  Deal with it or move on,  what did you expect? Or you could just have him as he so tactfully put it in a thread he started once, "shove your slaves face in the wall and fuck her in the ass", or something of that nature.

K



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