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VadFarkas -> What I learned from the Prince of Darkness (9/9/2007 5:59:16 AM)
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A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
by Joseph Lucas
Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical
circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one lets the
smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be
verified repeatedly through empirical testing. For example, if one
places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious
quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to
function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical
component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed
that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and
inescapable!
The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one
device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke
out of the system, nothing works afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for
some time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke,
requiring very unsightly large wires.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more
prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British,
and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock
absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British
tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke.
Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in
the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of
electrical components - especially British units manufactured by Joseph
Lucas, Ltd.
"A gentleman does not motor about after dark."
Joseph Lucas (1842 - 1903)
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