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ORIGINAL: lateralist1

You seem to be mixing up control with 'play' sublove037
Control for me is about having the final say over everything in a submissives life.
That doesn't mean I want to micromanage someone.
Once I know he is following my training a sub can have a lot of autonomy.
I also expect him to use his initiative to please me.

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ORIGINAL: earthycouple

First of all not all Dommes have the same things in common. 

And to answer the basic question....everything, nearly.

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ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

The submissive is the common thing we like to control................

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ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam

His choices/behavior/authority, that is what I enjoy final say/control over.   M

Here's a related question for you that might expand the topic and generate some more discussion.  Do you do that gradually over time, and if so is it overtly or in a more covert/subtle fashion?  Does it require his obvious submission or is it often more a case of a gentle taking of control of the things you want, which he concedes to you without realizing as he becomes increasingly submissive to you?

I ask this because sometimes getting what you want is quite often entirely a matter of the approach which is taken.  When a man has lived on his own for quite a long time, he may have difficulty giving up control of many things in his life if it happens all at once.  Yet when taken piece by piece, in little tiny chunks, he may not even notice as he's concedes the control, naturally submitting to the desires of his Domme, and thus be all the happier for it as it's gone and has, without giving any thought to it, relinquished it to his Domme. 

I'd like to make it clear that I don't see this as a manipulation, only an easing into the form of the relationship which I presume that both eventually desire to have.  It avoids the "sink or swim" type of confrontations and struggles that can occur while giving both the needed time to adjust to their new roles and responsibilities.

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave
 
I ask this because sometimes getting what you want is quite often entirely a matter of the approach which is taken.  When a man has lived on his own for quite a long time, he may have difficulty giving up control of many things in his life if it happens all at once.  Yet when taken piece by piece, in little tiny chunks, he may not even notice as he's concedes the control, naturally submitting to the desires of his Domme, and thus be all the happier for it as it's gone and has, without giving any thought to it, relinquished it to his Domme. 
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave

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ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam
His choices/behavior/authority, that is what I enjoy final say/control over.   M

Here's a related question for you that might expand the topic and generate some more discussion.  Do you do that gradually over time, and if so is it overtly or in a more covert/subtle fashion?  Does it require his obvious submission or is it often more a case of a gentle taking of control of the things you want, which he concedes to you without realizing as he becomes increasingly submissive to you?

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I ask this because sometimes getting what you want is quite often entirely a matter of the approach which is taken.  When a man has lived on his own for quite a long time, he may have difficulty giving up control of many things in his life if it happens all at once.  Yet when taken piece by piece, in little tiny chunks, he may not even notice as he's concedes the control, naturally submitting to the desires of his Domme, and thus be all the happier for it as it's gone and has, without giving any thought to it, relinquished it to his Domme.

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ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave
I ask this because sometimes getting what you want is quite often entirely a matter of the approach which is taken.  When a man has lived on his own for quite a long time, he may have difficulty giving up control of many things in his life if it happens all at once.  Yet when taken piece by piece, in little tiny chunks, he may not even notice as he's concedes the control, naturally submitting to the desires of his Domme, and thus be all the happier for it as it's gone and has, without giving any thought to it, relinquished it to his Domme.

 

I agree that approach matters, but it cannot be a case of dating/courtship that takes years, before he decides he will/will not.   I'm happy to go gradual, because I feel that the extent to which I intend to exert control over his life, would make any well adjusted man run in the opposite direction.   So what I hope for is to meet someone who is compatible as a human being, is a gentleman, and wants to be in a female lead relationship.   The details will work out in the end, if as I ask he either delivers, or expresses why he could not in the appropriate manner.   What I require, is a lot of communicating and spending a bit of time together to get a feel for what he wants/needs in order to be sufficiently comfortable to follow.  Easier said than done though when I never tend to find them nearby.  
Hope that answers your question.   M

I wasn't at all referring to years of courtship, but more a case of gradually taking control over a period of months as feels appropriate and comfortable to you for your particular situation.  Speaking for myself, the more attached I become to a woman, the more submissive I naturally become to her as well.  I can't separate the two and it's why I can't play casually as many others do.  So the longer a relationship continues and the bond builds, the more submissive I'm going to naturally become.  What I at first might be a bit resistant to, in part because there hasn't been sufficient trust established, will feel very natural after a certain amount of time has passed and I won't even pause to question what's being asked of me.  The hesitation that's often initially there with new partners just seems to gradually disappear.

In part what I'm saying is that with someone wired like me, a woman could easily exert an increasing amount of control that hadn't been negotiated initially as I became increasingly submissive toward her if that's what she decided she wanted from me.  With the subtle and gradual approach, I suspect that would also likely work on others just as it seems to work on me.  After a certain point, a woman could have pretty much anything she wished or desired of me.  Or at least that seems to be the case as I've begun to observe.

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I wasn't at all referring to years of courtship, but more a case of gradually taking control over a period of months as feels appropriate and comfortable to you for your particular situation.

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ORIGINAL: sublove037

hello, i know there are many different types of Dommes, (cbt, financial, strap-on etc.) on here.  But what do you think the most common thing all Dommes enjoy being in control of concerning their submissives?