when the role changes in your m/s relationship

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when the role changes in your m/s relationship - 7/14/2005 11:52:34 PM

hardxdrive

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what do you do? I have talked to many people in the bdsm lifestyle and some tell me they used to have a male dom, but not he acts like a sub more and more each day. What can I do? Of cause communication always helps, but people do change. That is life. It also matters how strong your relationship is and what do you want in your d/s relationship. Me I have no problem in a hot medicalscene for my slave to dom me sexually. This doesn't make me any less of a dom. In fact it makes me a better dom.

Your thoughts.

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RE: when the role changes in your m/s relationship - 7/15/2005 5:19:25 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Well the question you actually seem to be asking is "what do you do when you are a submissive asked to top in a scene?"

Depends on the person, topping takes a lot of skills and if the submissive hasn't learned and had a chance to use them, I would hope they would be hesitant and unsure.

If they have gotten experienced over time, it should seem they would be able to be a good service top and obey in this sense as they would in any other sense.

However, many subs have a mental "block" to this idea and can't connect the service aspect with their submission, the "top" concept is just too much in the way.

What matters of course is knowing things before you get involved in the relationship.

(in reply to hardxdrive)

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RE: when the role changes in your m/s relationship - 7/15/2005 7:21:37 AM

Faramir

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MASTER44!!!

Sweet - the gang's all here!!

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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RE: when the role changes in your m/s relationship - 7/15/2005 8:58:35 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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My partner doesn't often want me to top him. On the rare occations he does, I realize that it's because he enjoys the sensations associated with bottoming and treat it as another form of service to him.

He isnt' asking me to controll him. He's asking me to inflict spesific sensations as per his control.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Faramir)

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RE: when the role changes in your m/s relationship - 7/15/2005 9:36:23 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

what do you do? I have talked to many people in the bdsm lifestyle and some tell me they used to have a male dom, but not he acts like a sub more and more each day. What can I do?

I'm interpeting your question in a different way. Perhaps it is because I have more experience, don't know exactly why.

I know when I was searching for a dom I had ten year's experience with a dom. I was 31 at the time. Because of the internet....essentially I had more experience than anyone. Hence the only other experienced people out there who even remotely came to the same amount I had were real old people. At least for me.
I don't necessarily consider them old persay but for my personal relationship I did.
I did not need a 60-70 year old dom.
Aside from that those who had many year's experience were also very submissive.

Perhap's it was because they just knew more about relationships and compromise?
Perhap's they were worn down from submissives whining for so long they started rolling over to all whims?

I chose the latter. It is not easy for a good dom to deal with a submissive on a daily basis. Especially if that submissive is more play than mental. Lot's of whining going on daily.
So, what to do at that point? Communicate and communicate some more. Define what you need in a mate.
Hope the dom can rise to the occassion once more. Put his foot down.

Or course you also say your sub tops you in a medical scene. Tops and bottoms are not subs and doms in my mind.
They are tops and bottoms. Doesn't make you any less of what you were in the first place.

(in reply to hardxdrive)

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RE: when the role changes in your m/s relationship - 7/15/2005 11:02:39 AM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
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doing a medical scene for my Dom would not be a problem for our dynamic from my point of view. However, i do think it would cause him a little difficulty, which is why, he's not doing some things he's curious about. I would be doing this to please him, so therefor, still within the submissive dynamic.
Im one of those people that if ive felt something gorgeous, like sensory deprevation, i want to give that same pleasure back, so want to have the Dom experience it too. But we are very different at times lol. He hates it.

As for a Dom becoming more and more submissive over time. If the negotiated agreement is that he is Dom, then the sub/slave has a right to expect domination from him. Allowing for lifes ups and downs, when he may not wish to dominate for a time, if it carried on, then this for me would need respectful open honest discussion. If we were unable to re-establish the dynamic agreed upon, then id have to accept that it is gone, and decide where to go from there.

If my D/s relationship turned vanilla for some strange reason, i also love this man, so id not walk away from him. However, i would have to address my needs somehow, and cant see it being a easy thing to sort.

I have had a partner, who became uncompatable in a bdsm sense - it was not possible to continue submitting to him when he was so undominating outside of the bedroom. He became a submissive with strong parasitic tendencies so it ended. This was the father of my child, my first real love, and my husband and a 13 yr relationship.
There's only room for one sub in my life, and its me me me me me lol

< Message edited by pandoravampire -- 7/15/2005 11:05:21 AM >

(in reply to sub4hire)

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