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Lack of Sex Drive - 7/15/2005 6:25:24 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I hope this is the right place for this.

Recently my sex drive has diminished to nothing. Zero. Nothing at all. I am not even interested in sex. My partner (poor guy) has tried everything, but I am just not interested. Usually I am ready to go about 3 to 4 times a day, but now it is down to nothing.

I went to the doctor recently for my physical and she said that it happens sometimes and that I am perfectly healthy. This may be so, but it has been over a month since I felt even slightly turned on. I know it is getting really hard on my partner and is kind of putting a strain on things. He tries to be understanding, but that only goes so far.
Is there anything that I can do? I have tried erotic literature, movies, lots of foreplay and everything else that we can think of and nothing is working.
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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/15/2005 6:32:50 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I can assume that this hasn't happen before and you haven't started taking any anti-depressants. And birth control pills might do something as well.

Are you overly emotionally or mentally stressed (and I'm sure if you aren't this is causing some)?

I had this happen to me but it was after having my heart broken which easily explained it. It freaked me out, I didn't even want to MASTURBATE and that was just totally unlike me. But I let time takes its course and when I was ready, I started feeling it again.

As one measure, you could start to take different hormones/testosterone, see if changing your body chemistry directly is the answer. Otherwise, as much as you can, just relax and remind yourself that it's ok to change and you will get through it. As far as your partner goes, ask how you would respond if he suddenly had a car crash and you couldn't have sex with him for awhile, that might help you not only be more understanding of his situation, but help you stop beating yourself up over it. Blaming yourself won't help.

If you feel like it, go ahead and keep masturbating, keep yourself open, as long as it's not causing you MORE frustration and anxiety.

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/15/2005 6:40:10 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I have been on birth control for about 6 years and this has never happened. I did recently get a new job so that may be part of it, but I feel less stressed then I did at my old job.

Thanks for the advice, I will try to do that.

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/15/2005 9:13:04 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Siamasa--
I have the same problem. Unfortunatly, I know mine is because of hte interaction between my antidepresants and my BC, so it's not going to stop any time soon. (I'm on the lowest hormonal dose of BC and my anti-d's are the only effective combo I've found)

As horrid as it sounds, I've started simply having sex. "faking" excitement, if you will. I find that once I get started, my body takes over and compensates for my mind not being there. This only works, though, if you're just disinterested. I go through periods where the idea of sex repulses me. I can't fake it through those.

I've found that "faking" frequently has soemhow upped my desire. While I'm still not nearly as exciteable as I used to be, it's gotten a lot better. It sounds clinical, but I try to make sure I have sex at least once every other day, just to make sure my body stays "awake" so to speak.

ugh. Thissounds bad. But it's working.

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/15/2005 9:58:52 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
Thissounds bad. But it's working.

No, it sounds brave and amazingly self-aware.

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/15/2005 12:18:30 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I always get turned on when i look at the bondage pics on www.hogtied.com.


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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/16/2005 9:17:05 AM   
harder


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Joined: 7/2/2005
Status: offline 		It is fairly normal and yes it is very hard on the man woman need to know and understand this. If you dont work on it talk to him about it he will find it somewhere. Trust me I have no given up my wife wont try wont talk tells me im just over sexed. If you dont try things will get much worse. Call me an ass a pig whatever I never cheated on my wife until she quit trying quit talking and began to think I had the problem. I keep hoping she will come back to me be the woman I love and married . I keep waiting we have been married now for 27 yrs the first 18 or so were the best I hope she comes back to me someday. I hope I can wait that long. Talk to your man fight for him I know its hard when you have no interest but he still needs it he still needs you. John

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/16/2005 10:09:12 AM   
perverseangelic


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From: Davis, Ca
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quote:

ORIGINAL: harder

It is fairly normal and yes it is very hard on the man woman need to know and understand this. If you dont work on it talk to him about it he will find it somewhere. Trust me I have no given up my wife wont try wont talk tells me im just over sexed. If you dont try things will get much worse. Call me an ass a pig whatever I never cheated on my wife until she quit trying quit talking and began to think I had the problem. I keep hoping she will come back to me be the woman I love and married . I keep waiting we have been married now for 27 yrs the first 18 or so were the best I hope she comes back to me someday. I hope I can wait that long. Talk to your man fight for him I know its hard when you have no interest but he still needs it he still needs you. John


I'd like to say that it isn't just the woman's "problem." It isn't up to us alone to communicate sexual needs.

Nor, frankly, do I believe that lack of sexual contact is liscence for cheating. I do believe it can be a reason for seperation and/or divorce, but as I see it cheating isn't justified. Period. If you're going to go outside your relactionship, have the decency to tell your partner exactly what your doing so s/he can choose to stay or leave based on your actions.

If I were to never be sexaul with my partner again, I wouldn't blame him for leaving. However, I WOULD blame him for cheating.


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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/16/2005 10:36:07 AM   
pleasureforHim


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quote:

Nor, frankly, do I believe that lack of sexual contact is liscence for cheating. I do believe it can be a reason for seperation and/or divorce, but as I see it cheating isn't justified. Period. If you're going to go outside your relactionship, have the decency to tell your partner exactly what your doing so s/he can choose to stay or leave based on your actions.

If I were to never be sexaul with my partner again, I wouldn't blame him for leaving. However, I WOULD blame him for cheating.


i have never understood cheating..and the lying it requires. (e.g.; why were You out so late? answer: (o, [fill in male friend's name] needed to talk, so we went to a bar.) what harm this does..a woman begins to wonder whether to believe her eyes and ears or what her mate is telling her.

Why not be honest and ask for a divorce? What is so hard about saying "i still want a sex life; you do not; we need a divorce?"

Btw, there sometimes are medical reasons for a woman's loss of libido, including drugs prescribed to her for a myriad of reasons. MDs do not value libido in a woman so rarely even bother to disclose the risk to her. Get a list of her meds and call the pharamacist and ask if any one or a combination of all can affect libido. Then have her get a complete physical, with an ob/gyn exam and blood work, and see if any of the drugs newly approved to enhance libido in women are available for her use.

pleasureforHim

< Message edited by pleasureforHim -- 7/16/2005 10:38:51 AM >

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/16/2005 5:39:40 PM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline 		hormone levels part of your physical?

stress?

I have worked as a pediatric nurse and heard more stories of couples trying to procreate with no success and having all the latest technology...only to fianlly give up and have a child "naturally"

glad its not me...a nice cock always turns me on, esp if its ramed down my throat.

sorry for your dilemna

~~shy

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/16/2005 6:39:19 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		We (myself and my partner, we do communicate quite well) think that it's stress. I just got a new job in upper management and I'm really nervous about it. I also just started a new anti-depressant and new birth control. I think it might be one of those, but I will call the pharmacist and ask (it's free to do that, if I try to talk to my doctor she will have me come in and it will be another $60).
Thanks everyone, I really hope this goes away soon. If it doesn't though I may try your suggestion, perverseangelic. It is just disinterest, maybe if I just pretend for a while I'll be able to get into it......

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/16/2005 6:46:37 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


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Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

We (myself and my partner, we do communicate quite well) think that it's stress. I just got a new job in upper management and I'm really nervous about it. I also just started a new anti-depressant and new birth control. I think it might be one of those, but I will call the pharmacist and ask (it's free to do that, if I try to talk to my doctor she will have me come in and it will be another $60).
Thanks everyone, I really hope this goes away soon. If it doesn't though I may try your suggestion, perverseangelic. It is just disinterest, maybe if I just pretend for a while I'll be able to get into it......


Good grief girl, any ONE of those is a known powerful anti-sex factor, taken all together it would be a miracle for you NOT to have a change in sex drive.

Were you really just venting? Cmon, I can't believe you didn't know this. *hug*

As far as the dishonesty, just let your partner know in a dinner discussion that you want to try it.

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/16/2005 11:42:53 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
As far as the dishonesty, just let your partner know in a dinner discussion that you want to try it.


It goes over pretty well, at least, it did with mine. I was clear with him that while my body/brain was saying "no sex" my desire to be intimate with him was still there. That I wasn't "faking" my desire for intimacy, just the physical practice of it, and that I would never fake my love for him.

He was very amenable to it, and it's seemed to be a situation that's good for both of us. While I wish I was like I used to be when we first started dating, it's at least a lot better than it had been.

Gotta say, I admire my partner a lot for how he's dealt with the medicinal side effects I've gone through. I love him for being ok with the fact that I'm "forcing" myself to be excited for him, and that he knows that the part of me that counts is excited, and that the force is just to make my mind and body follow along. He's a pretty cool guy to not feel slighted by that.

Edited to add:
Siamasa, congrats on the new job thing and good luck! Also, I think Emerald's right that you've got the stress thing coming out your ears. Not that I'm one to talk, since mine's all chemical, but I bet when things calm down you're back to normal again.

< Message edited by perverseangelic -- 7/16/2005 11:43:54 PM >

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/17/2005 1:48:16 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24
Recently my sex drive has diminished to nothing. Zero. Nothing at all.
I went to the doctor recently for my physical and she said that it happens sometimes and that I am perfectly healthy. This may be so, but it has been over a month since I felt even slightly turned on. I know it is getting really hard on my partner and is kind of putting a strain on things. He tries to be understanding, but that only goes so far.
Is there anything that I can do? I have tried erotic literature, movies, lots of foreplay and everything else that we can think of and nothing is working.
Sorry to hear Siamsa,
It is disturbing to go from very healthy sex life to no desire; hopefully getting used to the new job and less stress will help...
For me, my loss of libido began soon after becoming pregnant and lasted until about 6mos after my child was born to start feeling normal again; but my reason was probably a combination of stress of becoming a mom, and losing all affection and respect for the man I was with.

I will say that if I were with a man whom I loved deeply, I would do some things (read oral, lol) to relieve his frustration... Sometimes while faking it, it becomes fun for you; I certainly derive pleasure from seeing a loved one yah know... M

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/17/2005 8:23:01 AM   
kyakitten


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Hi,

I just wanted to add that if it's stress, that doesn't make it an emotional problem. Stress can actually produce hormones in your body that physically damage your mind as well as your body. So although I'm inclined to suspect your new meds are more at fault for the sex drive loss, this would also be a good time to take a preventative look at pressures you're under and find ways to minimize prolonged stress.

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/17/2005 8:23:03 PM   
siamsa24


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Joined: 2/2/2004
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quote:

this would also be a good time to take a preventative look at pressures you're under and find ways to minimize prolonged stress.


hehe, have you ever worked in retail?

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/17/2005 8:25:26 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Good grief girl, any ONE of those is a known powerful anti-sex factor, taken all together it would be a miracle for you NOT to have a change in sex drive.

Were you really just venting? Cmon, I can't believe you didn't know this. *hug*



I guess I should have been a bit more clear, I was more looking for ideas on how to bring my sex drive back up again. I knew why it was down, I just wanted a few suggestions on how to improve it.

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/18/2005 8:43:39 AM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I've had this issue from time to time. Most often, it's due to stress. Worrying about bills, the house, work, etc can really put a dent into one's sex drive.

One of the best solutions I have found is to take a vacation from day to day routines. Get out of town for the weekend, make a nice dinner at home or go out to a nice resturaunt, or unplug from everything (No TV, radio, internet) and just "be" by focusing on the present moment.

Works for me.

~Thorns



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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/18/2005 7:30:55 PM   
kyakitten


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Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		deleted


< Message edited by kyakitten -- 10/5/2005 9:32:53 PM >

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RE: Lack of Sex Drive - 7/18/2005 7:35:09 PM   
siamsa24


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Joined: 2/2/2004
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quote:

Do some of your friends tell you you take things way too seriously like mine do too?



YES! And then there's "Do you live here?" and "There's more to life then work, you know"

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