phoenix92901
Posts: 40
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline
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Greetings,
I am new to the lifestyle, having been curious for many years. Please indulge what will turn out to be a long post as I want to explain how I got here.
My ex-husband played at being Dom but, being the abusive man he was, only used it as a means to further hurt and humilate me. It was neither safe, sane nor consensual.
Nevertheless, I suspected that I was a submissive at heart and felt that a good D/s relationship involved more than physical pain and humiliation. This is not meant with any disrespect to those who do enjoy it but they are my hard limits. I questioned if those limits meant that I'm not really a submissive but didn't look for the answers due to the obligations that came with raising my children alone after my ex left.
Earlier this year, a man I dated asked what I thought about the lifestyle. In his mind it was about rough sex and using a safety word with nothing in return... no building of trust or consideration of what I wanted. In other words, his way or the highway. His attitude make me wonder... Is that what a D/s relationship is all about? Did being a submissive mean that I had to accept things that I didn't want? Weren't there two sides to that coin?
It prompted me to seek the advice of a Dom who had a listing on a dating site I subscribe to. His profile offered honest answers to any question and said that He was looking for a sub who wished to be cared for and cherished deeply. We had previously looked at each other's profiles but the distance of 2+ hours (plus the fact that the word "Dom" intimidated me slightly) kept us from contacting each other. Still, I really liked the idea of being cared for and cherished (who doesn't?) and felt He would be a good person to answer my questions.
That was the beginning of my journey of discovery. He suggested sites to read, told me of His experiences and demonstrated much patience, caring and understanding. He encouraged me to acknowledge my needs and wants and desires, to find my path even if it didn't lead to the lifestyle. We spent countless hours on the phone talking about everything and anything. We found that we have many thoughts, ideas and interests in common. I told Him of my fears and my past and found myself opening up in ways I had never done before. He also held nothing back about Himself. When we finally met in person, it was comfortable... we walked around a park by the Hudson River, had lunch and talked. My hand in His, His arm around my waist, His lips on mine... it all felt so right.
I also talked with other submissives about their experiences and read the sites that they recommended as well. I felt affirmation and reassurance when they echoed the words I heard before from my Sir. So much began making sense to me and an immense burden lifted. I understood what finding freedom in chains meant. A door opened, a lightbulb went off... it was such a "aha!" moment.
In the process, I also found a wonderful Dominant who is a an amazing teacher and guide, who makes my needs, wants and desires as important as His own. My respect, trust, admiration, and feelings for Him grow stronger by the day. Our relationship is still new, as is my journey into the lifestyle, but I am confident that time will prove He is the One I've been looking for all my life. He feels the same about me and I am very blessed.
At His suggestion, I'm here to continue my education and growth, to read about the experiences of others and seek the counsel of those in the lifestyle. I welcome any and all advice and will answer all questions with respect, dignity and honesty. If you've gotten this far in my post, thank you for reading it. I look forward to hearing from you.
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Hello from NJ - 
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