RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (Full Version)

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breatheasone -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/11/2007 3:59:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curvyslavegirl

Then you need to be observed by science because I've been studying the physiology of orgasms for years and it just doesn't work that way. Phisiologically speaking if the body doesn't go through an excitation change with all of the chemical/hormonal changes alongside it, it isn't really an orgasm. You can learn to postpone it, sit in plateau phase for extended periods of time or even possible speed it up slightly, but the instant orgasm is a myth. Find me one peer reviewed human sexuality study that shows anything different.




I completely agree.....




bandit25 -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/11/2007 4:06:20 AM)

I'm not really sure that it makes a damn bit of difference to begin with.  If others say that they have had orgasms on command, then they have.  However, haven't you ever had an extremely stimulating dream, orgasmed (in the dream) and woke up feeling like you just had one?  Are you going to tell me that isn't possible? I don't think there's any stimulation going on there except what's in the mind.  Yes, I suppose there are all thoses changes going on but, I don't have any idea how long that takes...could be a matter of seconds. 

I don't know how anyone can say what anyone else is going through.  Aren't orgasms a personal thing?




Stephann -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/11/2007 5:07:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curvyslavegirl

Then you need to be observed by science because I've been studying the physiology of orgasms for years and it just doesn't work that way. Phisiologically speaking if the body doesn't go through an excitation change with all of the chemical/hormonal changes alongside it, it isn't really an orgasm. You can learn to postpone it, sit in plateau phase for extended periods of time or even possible speed it up slightly, but the instant orgasm is a myth. Find me one peer reviewed human sexuality study that shows anything different.





You're welcome to observe my methods if you're interested.  I'll be in your neck of the woods in a couple weeks [;)]

You'll forgive me if I don't cite any studies; I've not yet had a psychologist take any interest in my work.

As others have stated, though, it's not an 'instant' orgasm.  It's more likely on par with an accelerated form of masturbation; I find it takes anywhere from 30 seconds to 2 minutes to achieve.  I'd still consider that to be 'orgasming on command' though.  If you'd like to seriously discuss/debate this topic, I'm all ears though.

Orgasms are born, live, and die in the mind.  The body simply reacts to what is already occurring in the mind.

Stephan






onmykneesb4Him -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/11/2007 5:24:03 AM)

i can be right on the verge of an orgasm, and as soon as Sir tells me to do it, it shuts off. VERY frustrating. i suddenly feel like i must perform immediately, and that makes it so much harder. He can tell me not to, and sometimes it happens anyway. More work is obviously needed in this area.[;)]

i am definitely going to read Steppann's thread.




BDsbabygirl -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/11/2007 7:45:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrSkyWoIf

quote:

ORIGINAL: curvyslavegirl

The one thing I am always weary of is when I hear "you will come on command".
The reality is that you can learn to hold back your orgasm through a variety of techniques, but you can NOT learn to create an orgasm on command.
Physiologically it doesn't work that way, it is a nice fantasy though.

How long it takes to hold it back depends a lot on your physiology



I am sure if you believe it is not possible you never will achieve this but I must disagree with you that it is impossible. The mind is a very powerful sex organ and can be trained to cause any physiological reaction you desire in the body. It takes a very deep connection with the sub/slave but I have not only trained several submissives to do just this but I am able to train them to the point it is a one word command in a certain tone of voice with instant results.


From the moment I read about cumming on command, it's interested me and I believe my Dom is also interested in training me to do it. Problem is, I can't cum with him in the first place, so doing it on command is still just a dream...Since "The mind is a very powerful sex organ and can be trained to cause any physiological reaction you desire in the body", how would you go about getting my mind to cause me to orgasm in the first place? We've tried so many physical things without success that I'm 'bout ready to give up and just live with not orgasming with him, which'll actually be hard since he's so worried about me orgasming that he won't let it go. I can cum on my own, but even then it has to be in one specific way, i.e. the direction, pressure, and exact place have to be perfect or it won't happen, I know because I've tried it alone - hoping to "train" my body to cum in a different way - and it doesn't work. Imagine trying to get the exact same feeling with someone else's hand; don't think'll happen cuz just the fact that he's someone else means his hand feels different and my body doesn't seem to accept different.




BDsbabygirl -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/11/2007 7:58:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

I'm not really sure that it makes a damn bit of difference to begin with.  If others say that they have had orgasms on command, then they have.  However, haven't you ever had an extremely stimulating dream, orgasmed (in the dream) and woke up feeling like you just had one?  Are you going to tell me that isn't possible? I don't think there's any stimulation going on there except what's in the mind.


bandit, I am literally sitting here at my computer, crying with relief and joy, thanx to your words. I do have wet dreams on occasion (very rare, though), which means my mind by itself actually can take me there, so there may be hope afterall. The problem is being able to tap into my mind that way. While my Master is great in all things, I don't think he has the knowledge of how to do it or seems to me that he would since my orgasm is so important to him...
 
*breathlessly awaits more info*




Tigrita -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/11/2007 8:50:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: curvyslavegirl

Then you need to be observed by science because I've been studying the physiology of orgasms for years and it just doesn't work that way. Phisiologically speaking if the body doesn't go through an excitation change with all of the chemical/hormonal changes alongside it, it isn't really an orgasm. You can learn to postpone it, sit in plateau phase for extended periods of time or even possible speed it up slightly, but the instant orgasm is a myth. Find me one peer reviewed human sexuality study that shows anything different.





You're welcome to observe my methods if you're interested.  I'll be in your neck of the woods in a couple weeks [;)]

You'll forgive me if I don't cite any studies; I've not yet had a psychologist take any interest in my work.

As others have stated, though, it's not an 'instant' orgasm.  It's more likely on par with an accelerated form of masturbation; I find it takes anywhere from 30 seconds to 2 minutes to achieve.  I'd still consider that to be 'orgasming on command' though.  If you'd like to seriously discuss/debate this topic, I'm all ears though.

Orgasms are born, live, and die in the mind.  The body simply reacts to what is already occurring in the mind.

Stephan





Since curvy will need her hands and mind free to take notes, I think you'll be needing a third-party subject for this endeavor.  Perhaps one with some decent scientific background herself.  Hm, I wonder where you could cum up with such an open-minded, enthusiastic volunteer? 

Stephan, I think you've got girls all over the boards cuming on your written command, certain scientists included.  I think people should stop arguing with you.




Stephann -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/11/2007 10:14:24 AM)

Oh my! (laughs) I could probalby make use of a whole research team! 

Hiya babygirl,

Some women simply have easier times having orgasms than others.  Some of the factors are psychological, others physical.  I don't have all the info I need to give the best advice, so I'll start here; have you experimented with toys?  And I mean really experimented?  Obviously the specific pressure, direction, rhythm play an important part.  It's still a physical response, so learning to more easily trigger that response becomes vital.  Something I've found with other women, is that many focus almost strictly on clitoral stimulation when they masturbate.  They practically ignore vaginal penetration as a source of pleasure.  Using a medium thickness vibrator, and angling it in and upwards towards the underside of the clitorus is what I would start with (putting two fingers almost all the way in and curling them slightly will point the general location out for you better.)  Those walls won't break; don't be afraid to really push on that spot.  Push a good bit harder than you normally would there; hard enough that you would bruise an apple (though obviously don't hurt yourself in the process.)  Grind on that spot in circles.  After ten minutes or so, you might want to switch the vibrator on.  Mix up the pressure too, and don't be afraid to explore other places.  The whole point is to do something you enjoy; there's no 'wrong' way to do it.  Don't ignore the mental parts!  Think about, read, or watch something that really excites you!  Don't approach this as a task or duty; it should be fun for you.

Do it alone at first, until you've got a better handle on how you enjoy it.  You're welcome to use your fingers in combination with the vibrator, but the idea is to learn new ways to please yourself; the idea of the toys, is that in time, when you're ready, you can show him how you like the toy used.  Later, let him watch... but you're still doing it to yourself.  Give yourself time to get used to the idea of him being there, later touching you (maybe your nipples, kissing you, playing with your hair, etc.)

Then start trading off who holds the vibe.  Use it for five minutes, then let him, then you.  Gradually increase the amount of participation he has with you.  Don't be afraid if you 'freeze'; it's natural, and dont' expect to orgasm every time when he starts being involved.  Try to casually introduce him, so that you're not given performance anxiety; that's the quickest way to ensure you don't orgasm!

Eventually, you'll be comfortable enough and he'll be experienced enough that one day, it'll probably just happen.  At the same time, you'll have learned new ways to orgasm; you won't be fixiated on one specific position/sensation. 

I don't know that you'll ever quite make it to 'orgasming on command'; but I suspect that working towards that goal is an activity you and your owner can enjoy for months and years to come.

My regards,

Stephan  






littleone35 -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/11/2007 1:38:59 PM)

I had an ex dom do this and i hated it with a passion when i have to cum it has to be right then is is next to impossible to wait.  Master now teases me without letting me cum, but in the end he always does. When i have to he just lets me no asking for permission.

Matt's littleone




BDsbabygirl -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/12/2007 7:44:29 AM)

*fans self*  Uuuuuh, thanx, Stephann




Mercnbeth -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/12/2007 8:54:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

The day he told me they belonged to him and I would no longer have one without his permission, was the day I stopped having them on my own.




this slave agrees wholeheartedly with ownedgirlie's statement above and would also like to add that just because the average Joesephine might not have experienced it, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.  kind of like there is more than just XX and XY.
 
this slave would offer for her brain to be mapped by scientists so they could discover just exactly what sort of wiring and chemicals are involved with spontaneous orgasms and/or the mental state of being at that orgasmic edge sans physical or erotic stimulation, but she has already pledged it to Master for His own purposes.
 
gee, what a loss to the cult of the sciences.[:)]




ownedgirlie -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/12/2007 12:46:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
gee, what a loss to the cult of the sciences.[:)]


LOL you & me both, sistah!




worththeeffort -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/12/2007 4:37:15 PM)

k, maybe it's just me, but looks like this thread's been sidetracked, so i'm gonna go back to the OP's question. i'm one of those gals who, if told she can't cum until given permission, just can't, can get really reeeeeeeeeeally close, that annoying "i'm almost there, why the fuck can't i cum?" place (ya'll know that one?) until given permission. An ex-dom put me on an extended masturbation/orgasm restriction, and one day i decided "screw this" and just had at it, 30 minutes later i STILL hadn't been able to cum (and it has never ever ever taken me anywhere near that long to cum) and i was pissed! No matter what i tried, just couldn't get off! He thought it was great (mean damn Domly types) and added another 2 weeks to my restriction for my misbehaviour.

~kitty kat




LaMspeach -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/12/2007 7:09:13 PM)

Master controled my orgasms from the very first day... But it took about 6 months before i got to the point where i couldnt cum with out his command. He has to be present or i at least have to hear his voice to orgasm. He has given me premission to come while he has been away and i just can't, no matter what i try it doesnt work. I get close  but  i have to be able to hear him command me to cum in order to.

Yeah, i know science says it doesnt work that way.  I just think they forgot to tell LaM before he trained me.




SimplyMichael -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/12/2007 9:02:26 PM)

Stephan,

Congratulations, you have rediscovered the Grafenberg spot or as it is commonly known, the "G" spot. 

As for coming on command, I have seen a lot of people in person who claim they do it but since the other signs of arousal are usually missing and the submissives being the ones who enjoy attention and or like being with "popular" dominants...I tend to dismiss it as mostly hokum.  Knowing beth's issue and Merc's talents, I wouldn't be surprised if they truly pull it off.

I have gotten women to cum using only sensations to their nipples or feet as well as only through kissing, but I would never claim that was something I could "do".  It was something situational.

I am sure some will scream holy hell but I think MOST of what passes for "orgasm on command" is theatre.

For the record, the above applies to those who claim they can order someone to cum from a cold start, not someone who can push someone over the edge with a word.




Lordandmaster -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/12/2007 10:08:46 PM)

Actually...where have you read that science says it doesn't work that way?  I'm curious.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

Yeah, i know science says it doesnt work that way.




curvyslavegirl -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/12/2007 10:18:15 PM)

There are a plethora of sources on the sexual response cycle available.
Of the more academic variety. Most people would do best just looking for a laymans version of the sexual response cycle. Journal articles tend to be a bit dense.

Masters, W.H.; Johnson, V.E. (1966). Human Sexual Response. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books

The Female Sexual Response: A Different Model -
R BASSON - Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 2000 - Taylor & Francis


Neurochemical aspects of the sexual response cycle.
A Halaris - CNS Spectr, 2003 - ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Human Sex-Response Cycles - all 6 versions ยป
R BASSON - Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 2001 - Taylor & Francis


Constructing the Sexual Crucible: An Integration of Sexual and Marital Therapy




Lordandmaster -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/12/2007 10:54:13 PM)

OK, thanks darling, but where in those tomes does it say that a woman is supposed to be able to have an orgasm even if her master doesn't command her to?  That's what peach was talking about.




Stephann -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/13/2007 6:11:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Stephan,

Congratulations, you have rediscovered the Grafenberg spot or as it is commonly known, the "G" spot. 



It has a name?  [:D]

Ernst's wife




subtee -> RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control orgasm? (9/13/2007 6:34:42 AM)

quote:

Some women simply have easier times having orgasms than others.  Some of the factors are psychological, others physical.  I don't have all the info I need to give the best advice, so I'll start here; have you experimented with toys?  And I mean really experimented?  Obviously the specific pressure, direction, rhythm play an important part.  It's still a physical response, so learning to more easily trigger that response becomes vital.  Something I've found with other women, is that many focus almost strictly on clitoral stimulation when they masturbate.  They practically ignore vaginal penetration as a source of pleasure.  Using a medium thickness vibrator, and angling it in and upwards towards the underside of the clitorus is what I would start with (putting two fingers almost all the way in and curling them slightly will point the general location out for you better.)  Those walls won't break; don't be afraid to really push on that spot.  Push a good bit harder than you normally would there; hard enough that you would bruise an apple (though obviously don't hurt yourself in the process.)  Grind on that spot in circles.  After ten minutes or so, you might want to switch the vibrator on.  Mix up the pressure too, and don't be afraid to explore other places.  The whole point is to do something you enjoy; there's no 'wrong' way to do it.  Don't ignore the mental parts!  Think about, read, or watch something that really excites you!  Don't approach this as a task or duty; it should be fun for you.

Do it alone at first, until you've got a better handle on how you enjoy it.  You're welcome to use your fingers in combination with the vibrator, but the idea is to learn new ways to please yourself; the idea of the toys, is that in time, when you're ready, you can show him how you like the toy used.  Later, let him watch... but you're still doing it to yourself.  Give yourself time to get used to the idea of him being there, later touching you (maybe your nipples, kissing you, playing with your hair, etc.)

Then start trading off who holds the vibe.  Use it for five minutes, then let him, then you.  Gradually increase the amount of participation he has with you.  Don't be afraid if you 'freeze'; it's natural, and dont' expect to orgasm every time when he starts being involved.  Try to casually introduce him, so that you're not given performance anxiety; that's the quickest way to ensure you don't orgasm!

 
ohohoh...may I please? Now??!




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