Stephann
Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
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Oh my! (laughs) I could probalby make use of a whole research team!
Hiya babygirl,
Some women simply have easier times having orgasms than others. Some of the factors are psychological, others physical. I don't have all the info I need to give the best advice, so I'll start here; have you experimented with toys? And I mean really experimented? Obviously the specific pressure, direction, rhythm play an important part. It's still a physical response, so learning to more easily trigger that response becomes vital. Something I've found with other women, is that many focus almost strictly on clitoral stimulation when they masturbate. They practically ignore vaginal penetration as a source of pleasure. Using a medium thickness vibrator, and angling it in and upwards towards the underside of the clitorus is what I would start with (putting two fingers almost all the way in and curling them slightly will point the general location out for you better.) Those walls won't break; don't be afraid to really push on that spot. Push a good bit harder than you normally would there; hard enough that you would bruise an apple (though obviously don't hurt yourself in the process.) Grind on that spot in circles. After ten minutes or so, you might want to switch the vibrator on. Mix up the pressure too, and don't be afraid to explore other places. The whole point is to do something you enjoy; there's no 'wrong' way to do it. Don't ignore the mental parts! Think about, read, or watch something that really excites you! Don't approach this as a task or duty; it should be fun for you.
Do it alone at first, until you've got a better handle on how you enjoy it. You're welcome to use your fingers in combination with the vibrator, but the idea is to learn new ways to please yourself; the idea of the toys, is that in time, when you're ready, you can show him how you like the toy used. Later, let him watch... but you're still doing it to yourself. Give yourself time to get used to the idea of him being there, later touching you (maybe your nipples, kissing you, playing with your hair, etc.)
Then start trading off who holds the vibe. Use it for five minutes, then let him, then you. Gradually increase the amount of participation he has with you. Don't be afraid if you 'freeze'; it's natural, and dont' expect to orgasm every time when he starts being involved. Try to casually introduce him, so that you're not given performance anxiety; that's the quickest way to ensure you don't orgasm!
Eventually, you'll be comfortable enough and he'll be experienced enough that one day, it'll probably just happen. At the same time, you'll have learned new ways to orgasm; you won't be fixiated on one specific position/sensation.
I don't know that you'll ever quite make it to 'orgasming on command'; but I suspect that working towards that goal is an activity you and your owner can enjoy for months and years to come.
My regards,
Stephan
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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer
Men: Find a Woman here
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RE: Learning Curve when letting someone else control or... - 
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