RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 4:36:16 PM

Aimtoplease101

Posts: 319
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From: San Diego, California
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Like so much else, it depends on the individuals involved and the dynamic between them.

I get a huge sexual rush out of submitting and being dominated. But that doesn't necessarily mean that a D/s session involves having sex, or involves having me reach an orgasm during a session. In fact, more often that not they don't. But what is important in the dynamic is that it is totally up to the Domme-- she controls and dictates what we do. And that element of her control-- and my surrender and vulnerability-- is very hot to me, and is what I'd call a sexual experience regardless of whether I get any physical release.

Having said all that, I do feel the need to add that I very much enjoy seeing/ feeling/ helping my Domme orgasm during a play session-- whether it's because of oral worship, toy play, or her own self-pleasure while she's enjoying a scene. It makes me feel like I've better fulfilled my role as a sub.

Regards, ATP

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 6:08:13 PM

arayofsunshine55

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From: San Francisco, CA
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For me SM is sex. The d/s is how we relate. How we relate is not our lifestyle. Different people do different things cause that's what works for them. How I have I come to be who I am? who knows. I am more interested in exploring what is then why it is.

< Message edited by arayofsunshine55 -- 9/11/2007 6:09:11 PM >

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 6:20:57 PM

SubJordanTyler

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Sex and submission go hand in hand for me - hard to separate the two. But that doesn't mean I'm expecting sex all the time or every time. Sometimes I'd be denied and orgasm and left that way for torture, but I would eventually get release - and that was usually the climax (no pun intended) of the play.

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 6:24:21 PM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
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Couldn't agree more.

I know that for a lot of people, it is more than just sex, or in some (rare?) cases not about sex at all. That's not me, though. BDSM (D/s in particular) is about sexual chemistry and playing adult games with my partner. And it has a good correlative effect on the rest of our relationship...but then, doesn't good sex always do that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubJordanTyler

Sex and submission go hand in hand for me - hard to separate the two.

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 6:59:06 PM

Invictus754

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cyber
So the question is that, how interest to BDSM can emerge in someone with no direct sexual pleasure or giving reality to fantasies that give of sexual enjoy.

Because you don't let them have pleasure all the time if they are a slave. They have to earn it. Pavlov taught us that the best way to reward is the "variable reward schedule" (which means that you change the timing of the reward to keep them guessing - and that makes the training stick like glue.)

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 7:31:47 PM

beltainefaerie

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BDSM is pleasurable to me and nearly always arousing to me in some fashion. Whether that needs to or does result in any sexual action is variable. With my mistress/companion sex and BDSM are entertwined, I enjoy sex with my husband and no BDSM, with my brat I enjoy BDSM with no sex and very little sexuality at all, and with my Master the energy has always been very sexual, but only in the
last few months have our spouses consented to letting me be used sexually. I am happy in all of these relationships with their varying degrees of sexuality. Also, sometimes activities themselves are arousing, other times the activity itself is not arousing, but knowing that I am pleasing is.

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 7:48:36 PM

RRafe

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I like using the erotic tension to create altered mindsets.

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 8:21:50 PM

LATEXBABY64

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sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don t

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 9:16:23 PM

LivingInSin

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Joined: 6/12/2007
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for me BDSM is alot more intimate than sex. even if it does lead to sex eventually its still not cut and dried.
easiest way for me to explain how it is for me.......if i walked in on my partner having sex with someone else i would be okay with it.....walk back out and let them have thier time. now, if i walked in and my partner had someone else bound and bent over, lashes on the other....omg! i would go freaking banannas!!
sex is natural and part of nature.....to particiapte in bdsm with someone takes planning and intent....unless it was agreed on prior too, it would be the end of the world for me.

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/12/2007 3:08:13 AM

taintedgypsy

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I have only had one partner in BDSM and our relationship was very sexually charged and for me the intertwining of my sexuality with play was formidable. I am now looking at BDSM with out sex, play for the sake of play without the sexual input ... the jury is still out. However I find it hard to believe that I would have play with a partner that owned me and not feel some sort of sexual response. Hell I can get horney watching him study lol.

I think it comes down to what ever rocks your boat, everyone is different so everyone is going to have different approaches and ideas on their sexuality, take into account that a different partner can change all that went before too.

Isn't life wonderful, so much diversity, so much to choose from, just waiting for you to try it and add your own flavour.

hmmm it is good to be alive.

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/13/2007 1:40:17 AM

cyber

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Thanks for all your replies. When I was reading the comments I was a bit confused. It was clear that some people enjoy BDSM more than a sexual stimulation factor. After thinking a bit about all comments I guess I got some understanding that BDSM in some aspects is all about power exchange. Although it can be sexually stimulating but more that that it can provide mental satisfaction in a relationship. People who has desire to be in power would enjoy it as a dominant and people who likes to leave power to someone else will enjoy it as a submissive.

LivingInSin gave a nice comment about how BDSM plays have emotional and intimating meaning for her. It shows that BDSM roles can be sign of care, message of trust and game of love. So we can consider it as a strong factor in a relationship. May be I can say that it is not a practice; also it is not a lifestyle. It is a type of relationship.

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/13/2007 4:53:09 AM

BeachMystress

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I was very young, low single digits, when I started wanting to tie people up and spank them to make them do what I wanted. Nothing sexual there! While I do call BDSM my sexual orientation BDSM is not about sex for me. It is about power and control and who does the dishes.

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/13/2007 5:50:25 AM

SirCache

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It varies for me. Sometimes there is a strong sexual desire being expressed through BDSM, other times it is nonsexual. Ultimately for me BDSM is the method that I choose to express some of my relationships, no different than people who might be overtly religious, or have some other strong bend in their relationship with one another. I'll admit that sex is extremely important to me, and I anticipate a fair degree of it, but for me the deeper trust required in BDSM remains the thing I want most.

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RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/13/2007 7:58:56 AM

Jeffff