stella40
Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
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Just clearing out my computer and came across files on a CD from when I taught English in Poland (university/college/school). Trying to teach them writing was difficult, sometimes hilarous, but usually rewarding. This is from my archive of some of the best mistakes.
"Elvis Presley wanted to come and sing live for his fans in Europe but in 1977 he sadly changed his mind and died."
"My grandfather really enjoys fondling our dog. The dog likes it too."
"My aunt in Gdynia has a pussy which is always moist because it is always licking itself."
"In 1939 Hitler ordered the invasion of Poland because he was a complete and utter b*stard."
"The problem is with cocks, for example. It looks like supermarket managers all want Polish farmers to grow their cocks to the same size and shape, and they are not prepared to accept smaller cocks or bigger cocks. This is supported by the European Union. A new law says that Polish farmers must keep their cocks secure and enclosed when they are travelling in lorries, but at other times can leave their cocks exposed and out in the open. But the problem is other animals such as foxes can come and attack the cocks and Polish farmers are not happy that their cocks keep becoming attacked."
"The fact that you can only find small and shrivelled cocks in Polish supermarkets is unacceptable."
"My mother enjoys making crap cakes."
"My sister in London hates her 12 hour shits in the hotel."
"My great grandfather died from wedlock, which was quite common at the time."
"Beethoven because he was deaf wrote very loud music."
"In 1492 Columbus sailed across the Atlantic because there were no planes."
"In November 1963 US President John F Kennedy was shot in the head by Harvey Lee Oswald. The President died from a bad headache."
"In Krakow we have one of the biggest erections in Poland. It is called the Wawel Castle."
"I think joining the European Onion is a good thing for Poles."
"Before the tunnel opened you could only get to England by taking the sheep from Calais."
"My sister is studying medicine to become a pedestrian."
"English food is horrible because it is full of conservatives."
"My mother took my father to the hairdressers because she decided that he needed a blow job."
"We all know that God created Genesis and then Adam and Eve."
"Police were sent in to deal with the angry mops."
"If it wasn't for Margaret Thatcher we would never have known about mad cow disease."
"The Volkswagen Beetle is one of the most popular cars in Europe, and the first to have the famous wanker engine."
"Puberty in girls is just a new period which they have to get through."
"The world is more modern than it was a thousand years ago."
"It is a known fact that the universe is made up from the sky."
"I hate the forest where you always seem to find dead beatles wandering around at night."
"It is not true that all Poles only like 1980's music. For example my father likes the psychopathic music from the 1960's."
"Many Polish builders are leaving for work to help the English with their erections and the English have many erections."
"For many years Poland was positioned between Germany, Russia and Austria."
"It is a known fact that oxygen in water makes it wet."
"When people have mobile phones they are always massaging each other."
"I like the summer because my girlfriend is always hot and she doesn't like wearing clothes."
"My sister always buys a mobile phone which has a vibrator inside because she has to feel it in meetings."
"My favourite is MacDonalds because they have really good chess buggers."
"I like the way James Bond drives his car and then suddenly ejaculates in his seat."
"Our teacher speaks English perfectly because she attended electrocution lessons for a long time."
"When I was the nanny in London I really liked to receive males. At home in Poland I must leave flat and go downstairs but in London a postman always came and gave it to me through hole in front door."
"Most people travel on the couch to London because it is cheap."
"The radio was invented by an Italian engineer called Macaroni."
"In Poland, blind people have to go and see a doctor before they are officially recognised as being blind."
"When we go shopping my mother always complains that my father doesn't come very often."
"For years my husband had a beard but one day he decided to have it off. I was very shocked."
_____________________________
I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)
If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
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The mistakes of my former English language students in ... - 
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