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slavegirljoy -> RE: Why are we not "vanilla"? (9/12/2007 6:37:11 AM)
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Having more "openness, honesty & personal growth", in my opinion, isn't dependent on being in a D/s-type relationship or on being involved in BDSM. i don't agree that "openness, honesty & personal growth" are exclusive to or, a necessity of D/s-type relationships. i have known of some relationships that would be called "vanilla", (as in, conventional, Male - Head of Household/female - wife/s.o., without knowing about their sexual tastes), that were incredibly deep. And, i have been in several D/s relationships, where i held back and didn't feel comfortable about being completely open and honest with the other person about how i feel and what i think. i always have personal growth in everything i do because i look for life lessons in every experience and in every relationship and gain a better understanding of myself each time. i believe that it just depends on what a person needs, in order to feel comfortable and safe enough to open up and be their true self in the presence of another. Some people find that in a vanilla relationship, others find it in a D/s relationship and, a lot of people never find it with anyone, in any type of relationship. In my case, it took being enslaved by a Master, who i trust completely and who forces me to open up to Him, in order for me to feel comfortable and safe enough to be my true self and be honestly and completely open with Him. i have never been the type that opens up easily and bare my inner self to another. He has required that of me. He has forced me to not hold anything back and to tell Him what i'm thinking and feeling and He talks to me about my thoughts and feelings. He strips me of my outer shell, that has always guarded my inner being, and He does it in a caring way and without any harsh judgment or criticism about what i tell Him, even when He doesn't agree with something i say. He reads my journal and encourages me to be honest when i write it. He has been hurt by some of the things that i have written but, then He talks to me about it and Wwe have had some very intense and deep discussions, as a result. If He didn't require this of me, i would still write in a journal but, i would probably be very careful about writing only things that would be "nice" and not be totally honest and, there would be a lot that would be left unsaid and kept inside and Wwe wouldn't be as close as Wwe are. Again, i believe that it just depends on what a person needs, in order to feel safe and comfortable enough with another to completely open up and reveal their true self. And, that's something that can happen in D/s relationships or vanilla and it doesn't always happen in many relationships. Just my views,slave joyOwned property of Master David___________________________________________________________"You were born an original. Don't die a copy." ~John Mason
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ORIGINAL: celticlord2112
In opening her thread on the difference between vanilla and BDSM, camille65 made the following observation.
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From me, I can easily say that yes there is a difference, that yes a D/s relationship is indeed different. It is deeper because more of me is required. More openness, honesty & personal growth. Those three items are almost always emphasized as neccessary or intregal to a BDSM balance.
Setting aside that every relationship is unique for the sake of simplicity, why would these qualities be intrinsic to D/s (or BDSM more broadly) and not intrinsic to "vanilla" relationships.
In other words, why is WIIWD NOT "vanilla"?
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