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RE: Punishments - 9/12/2007 1:12:45 AM

taintedgypsy

Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
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I have only had one Sir, and I was in a real bad head space for a fair chunk of that time. There were 2 really memorable punishments which hit all the wrong buttons and left me with real issues ... His intentions and motives were right and just, He certainly did not want the long lasting repercussions of these and they were a small element in the reasons for the end of the relatiopnship.
Punishment will be a big point in any future relationship ... and it will be focus of a lot of discussion before I will even enter into a relationship with anyone. I will need a clear understanding of what are acceptable forms to be used in punishment and it will be a deal breaker for me ... I do not think I will ever be able to deal with corporal type punishment ... it just brings up too much and causes way to many problems.

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RE: Punishments - 9/12/2007 2:53:40 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
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My Dom will use mainly spanking, but uses different impliments. Sometimes 5 at a time, sometimes only a couple, it depends on his mood and what i did to deserve it. i know he's teaching me and making sure that i stay in line. Some days i feel like it's abuse, but it's not even close.

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Post #: 22

RE: Punishments - 9/12/2007 11:10:58 PM

yessir105

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/16/2007
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My Master's punishments always fit my infractions of rules. They come from a place of love and serve to make me a better person. I am always more eager to serve him and try harder after the punishments because i know he wouldn't bother to punish me if he didn't care about me.

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RE: Punishments - 9/13/2007 5:03:50 AM

ExquisiteFeline

Posts: 124
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Punishments when when real, and administered from a place of anger, where the Dominant is serving punishment as a release to vent his frustrations, is in my eyes violence. For any reason that a sub has 'done something wrong', 'misbehaved' there are other ways to deal with this. Talking about it, for one, mediation, or at least the Dom should take some time to be clear about his thoughts, emotions, and RESPONSE, rather than reaction.

Master does react with playful hits when i am bratty, i am not sure if this is something that will lead further into the forms of punishment as time goes on. i should hope not. He also uses ignore/withdrawal, or should i say this is how he reacts also, as i do not always think it is a thought and planned response. This is also an issue for me, as i believe communication is the key to any good relationship, and understanding for oneself and another. Yet, no one is perfect, i like to build Master up, due to my adoration for him, but i also realize he is human, and man, and with that i could have the typical woman's complains or relationship bitches, but i reserve them for He is Master. As a submissive we can also use the same psychology, i serve, i serve him well, very well, selflessly, and above all that makes this full service as far as i am concerned is that i compromise, this is a gift. i am sure Master would notice if i did not feel like serving him as well as i do.

But as far as the 'punishments' or pain administration goes, it is play, in the bedroom (or the forest, or the lounge room, well wherever we are playing...) Pain is administered in the forms of whip, slap, scratching, flicking, pinching, hair pulling, biting, gagging, clamping...etc, etc...

If Master were to get angry with me, and think that he could treat me as the quoted post goes, my level of respect for him would plummet.

i have been punished with violence and humiliation before, through an act of anger and revenge, once with a Dom (not my Dom, one who had no concern for me), the act of which, i still have great issues with. It was a source of a deep violation upon my human rights, and deeply scarred my psyche, lucky Master has been patient with me as i work through this.
Another was not in a D/s relationship, rather in a very long term so called vanilla relationship, which was really domestic violence. The impact that the level of control this person had upon my whole world, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually had left me future relationship retarded. Not only for emotional and romantic relationships but it also challenges my abilities to trust in the flow of life and people on a general level. As well as given me self esteem issues, and a deep seeded belief that i do not deserve to be loved, this is what lead me to D/s, a belief that I am bad and need to be treated that way. Anyone inviting that willing into their life needs a check up as far as i am concerned.
BDSM has been a journey of healing (as well as the pleasures) as i am a self reflective person, therefore the compatibility of being with another self reflective person is necessary.
Just because one chooses to be in a relationship that entails an understood power structure, and a variety of kinks that involve pain, discipline, and punishment, does not mean that one can be abused. Every person has their own understanding, sources of pleasure, and issues to work through, and it is reiterated in the forums that finding a compatible playmate or partner is necessary.
Maybe i am being judgmental by quoting the following, but for my level of understanding, i would not at all be comfortable with this, let alone enjoy it. But then Daddysprop247, may not enjoy her flesh scratched to shreds and the stimulation of being whipped all over... this is where it comes each to their own i guess.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

most punishments in this household are physical...this is very effective for me because i strongly dislike pain and have a pretty low pain threshold. it also works for my Master because it allows him a means to vent any frustration or anger brought about by my mistake or misbehavior. physical punishments vary, from something mild like a firm spanking to something more severe like an out and out beating with fists, belt and feet. then there are many times when i might make a small mistake and he will physically discipline me...a firm slap across the face would be an example of this. this is different from punishment.

there are non-physical punishments, usually reserved for the most severe of offenses...temporary abandonment/isolation being the most severe, and thankfully that is a punishment i have only received once. but even if the greater part of the punishment is non-physical, there is almost always some physical pain thrown in, for his own release if nothing else.

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RE: Punishments - 9/13/2007 11:55:37 PM

onthenosetone

Posts: 118
Joined: 7/22/2006
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I don't get punished, just a regular discipline session once a month ish....

A good old fashioned judicial caning, no warm up, 30 to 50 strokes hard as she can, well placed with time between them........I've got a love hate relationship with it

.....

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RE: Punishments - 9/15/2007 6:26:47 AM

HollyBlue

Posts: 144
Joined: 9/13/2007
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Granted, my Master and I are still relatively new to the Lifestyle, but we find that corporal punishment can and does work when I have displeased him, and that the dynamic of it is immensely healthy for both of us. Although I am an admitted masochist, there is pain, and then there is PAIN. Punishment pain, when administered in that context, without a warm-up, is not pleasant (at least, it isn't for me, and frankly, I hope I don't outgrow that as my limits continue to expand.)

Interestingly, however, I had to explain to my Master a while ago that despite my masochism, he could successfully punish me with pain. As with everything, I was open and honest with him about what kinds and degrees of pain I know I would dislike (and would therefore constitute punishment), and we find that corporal punishment is swift, decisive, and allows for the quick restoration of unity and harmony between us when it is over.

We have not had to implement any severe punishments and have been advised against using abandonment, but that's sort of irrelevant, because the threat of severe punishment is not necessary to get me to behave. In fact, the other day, he said, "You're so good, I'm going to have to start thinking up things to punish you for" (of course, he was speaking of play punishment, not legitimate corrective discipline).

On the rare occasions when I truly anger him, when I am inconsiderate or when I do the number one thing he hates, which is to decide for myself what he is thinking or feeling, then his punishing me with physical pain serves multiple purposes for us.

* It provides a way for me to make things right with him again. Even if I've already apologized, nothing says "I'm sorry" like submitting to a nasty beating, and it cleanses my conscience just as it cleanses him of his displeasure.

* It teaches me in a way I can understand (my emotions are so tied to the physical, tactile realm that sometimes, the only thing that really gets through to me is a good smack). A lecture to me seems esoteric, and previous relationship experiences have taught me to mistrust words. Actions speak much more loudly to my soul...and reverberate in my heart, saying, "I love you enough to hurt you if that's what it takes to get through to you..."

* The process inevitably turns us both on, even if the punishment in and of itself is unpleasant. How could I not be turned on by a man who is ruthless enough to tan my hide for my own good and the good of our relationship, while still being mature and loving enough to make sure I understand what I've done wrong before the punishment starts?

I know some people say that one should never strike a sub in anger. However, I think controlled, directed anger, when released in this way, is a very healthy expression for my Master, and I'm more than happy to have him take it out on me, rather than letting it fester inside, or trying to allow it to dissipate on its own.

**********************************************************

One recent exchange went as follows:

ArtfulDominant: I'm angry with you.
Holly: Why?
(long pause)
Holly: For not coming to bed when I said I would?
Artful: Yes.
Holly: I'm sorry (heartfelt). That was very inconsiderate of me.
Artful: (explains exactly how he feels and why he is upset with me)
Artful: Do you understand?
Holly: Yes.
Artful: Now, I'm going to spank you. Hard. Then, when I'm done, I'm going to fuck you. Hard. And you're going to take it.
Holly: Yes, Sir.

A severe spanking follows, and while it is not inherently pleasant for either of us, it is arousing. I endure it without making a sound. Afterward, ArtfulDominant is unmerciful when fucking me as punishment...he is unusually well-endowed and can care nothing for my pain when the mood strikes him.

After he gifts me with his cum in my pussy, we hold each other passionately, and know that we are the luckiest two people on earth -- to have found the person who so completely complements us, and to be able to resolve conflict in such a deeply satisfying way, starting with a clean slate again.

In fact, though the slate is better than clean...because I have learned a lesson. I am very, very unlikely to ever come to bed late again, not just because of the punishment, but because the punishment showed me just how much my callousness hurt Master's feelings, and I never want to hurt him. Ever.

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Post #: 26

RE: Punishments - 9/15/2007 7:20:55 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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He does not use corporal punishment and at all. However, there are negative consequences for inappropriate behaviors, but they are not usually things that he imposes on me. For the most part they occur naturally as a result of my behavior. For example, neither he nor I enjoy interacting with each other if the interaction cannot be constructive. Just the other day, I was in a horrid headspace and was not able to interact constructively. As a result we did not interact for the majority of the day. He didn't ignore me, because I could have called at any time as long as I was able to communicate constructively. The lack of interaction was a consequence of poor behavior but not a punishment because of it.

Fairness is not really a consideration in our relationship. He is master and will do what he wants. Whether it is fair to me or Alandra is irrelevant.

Like LA, if I thought punishment was abuse, there would be bigger problems in our relationship than punishment in that moment.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Punishments - 9/15/2007 6:59:59 PM

MJsgirl

Posts: 31
Joined: 2/17/2006
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i've been reading this thread with interest, and now have my own thoughts to add...
my Master does not use corporal or physical punishment if i do something wrong. Instead He is likely to stand me in the corner, or worse - ignore me or banish me from His side. To be told to "go away, get out of My sight NOW" is the very worst thing that can happen to me. Thankfully, it does not happen often, but there are times when i displease Him, and if it is serious enough then that is my punishment.
A spanking doesn't work for me because it is my most favourite activity!
i spent some months with another so called Dom, early in my journey, and his way was to punish with a spanking - therefore if i wanted to be spanked i simply poked out my tongue or stomped my foot or did something to gain His attention.... and got my spanking!
my Master does not spank naughty girls its only the good girls that get spanked!

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RE: Punishments - 9/15/2007 7:48:55 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
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the crop...it hurts! it can hurt in a good way, but mostly, he uses it for punishment.

I think that generally, it's really something that's pushed a limit before I'm punished. and while my way is to try and make light of it not to show how much I'm sorry, in the end, I'm pretty contrite...

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"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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RE: Punishments - 9/15/2007 8:00:39 PM

lilypad1951

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Joined: 10/8/2006
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re daddysprop247 - i am sorry to say it, but fists, belt and hands sounds very abusive to me.

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Post #: 30