RE: Ignoring as a punishment

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RRafe -> RE: Ignoring as a punishment (9/11/2007 9:23:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe I can be almost eerily calm under stress situations. But I absolutley will not tolerate being subjected to fits of rage. And people who lose it like that are not likely to stay in my circle of friends for long. I just don't need to be subjected to that. I'm the same way. When somone is into their "drama", I too, become eerily calm. Maybe it's dominant traight? If I wanted to deal with hissy fits, I'd run a day care center. I realize that the only way to control it, is to refuse to feed it. I only add fuel to fires that I WANT to burn hotter.

DominaSmartass -> RE: Ignoring as a punishment (9/11/2007 11:35:24 PM)
I can only answer for myself and say that right or wrong, sometimes "ignoring" or in my case, retreating to have personal space where there is no contact between myself and the other person for a short period of time (talking in minutes/hours here, not days or anything) is a very effective form of punishment. The other person knows you are extremely unhappy with them and can mull over that fact, which does cause some emotional pain on their part...but also gives me time to cool down so that I am able to communicate calmly and effectively about whatever made me that angry to begin with. I don't know if this is passive agressive, and I've only reached a point of needing to do this once in over a year's time, so no I don't advocate it as an everyday occurance, but yes, I think that removing contact (whether you choose to call it ignoring or not) can be very useful. I may be speaking of something different though because I'm not talking about walking around the house as thought the other person doesn't exist but rather isolating myself so that they don't have the pleasure of my company for a while, which for some people is disconcerting, But hey, if he did something that wrong maybe he should feel a bit uncomfy for a while. Luckily this is such a rare occurance that I really don't worry about it.

adoracat -> RE: Ignoring as a punishment (9/12/2007 6:54:33 AM)
~fast reply~ after thinking about this....ignoring still = bad in my brain. however, telling me "for X reason i need to have some alone time" may hurt my feelings depending on where i am in my head....but then that's my issue to deal with, not on you. as long as i know whats going on, i can deal with it. not knowing whats going on or where i stand, is very stressful and hurtful to me kitten

ownedgirlie -> RE: Ignoring as a punishment (9/12/2007 11:35:30 AM)
~ FR ~ When I think of being ignored, I'm thinking of days at a time. That was always my experience with it as a youngster. I think the longest was 4 or 5 days of being completely ignored - not looked at or talked to or acknowledged, happy to even be fed. Being ignored for a few minutes or even a few hours or even a day hurts, but doesn't really impact me. I remember once while with him he was pushing me on something and I stopped trying. I couldn't seem to bring myself to keep going and I shrunk away, saying "I can't...I can't..." He walked away from me, sat down at his desk, and checked his email...did some work....whatever. He came back to talk to me about an hour later, and asked me what I was thinking about and feeling, and then explained that it's not that I failed at what he put on me that bothered him - it's that I stopped trying. I had quit, which was unacceptable to him. I didn't really think of that as being "ignored." I thought of it as him stepping away from the situation to think about it, as he was not pleased with what happened, and coming back to explain things to me when he was ready to.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Ignoring as a punishment (9/12/2007 11:51:23 AM)
I agree that ignoring someone for hours or days or weeks at a time is pointless. My own opinion is that all that ignoring someone is going to get you is for that person to find out that they CAN do very well without you and, as a matter of fact, given your behavior the last several days/weeks they can do better. But...stepping away from a situation in which you feel your anger flash or even just building is not wrong, despite what a few think. Many psychologists, especially those in the anger management field, will tell you that there is absolutely nothing...and maybe everything right...about stepping away from a situation that angers and/or disappoints you in order to calm down and be able to deal with things effectively. They put a time limit on that of 1 hour up to 4 hours. They do feel that if you cannot bring your anger or disappointment under a reasonable level of control by then that you...the person feeling the anger/disappointment...may have a bigger problem (inside you) than the problem (outside you) that caused your anger. Getting angry over a situation is not...despite what some people think...a loss of self-control. How proportionate your anger is to the situation and the way you handle that anger are better indicators of the level of self-control than the normal, human experiencing of an emotion that we all share. Personally, I would rather deal with someone who experiences emotions, at the appropriate levels and in the appropriate manner, than someone who doesn't seem to experience emotions at all or someone who "bottles things up and then explodes uncontrollably". Neither of those are appealing to me. I won't deal with someone who flies into rages or even has hissy fits and I won't deal with someone who cannot express anger or sadness...appropriately...because I would wonder...just how well would they be able to express an emotion such as love, gratitude, need?

bliss1 -> RE: Ignoring as a punishment (9/13/2007 10:31:12 AM)
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. If you are going to use that - you best look into the background of the sub/slave and find out how the parents acted. You may be opening a can of worms you don't want to open.

velvetears -> RE: Ignoring as a punishment (9/13/2007 10:46:54 AM)
Removing oneself to calm down and gain perspective so you won't say things you regret is understandable. But if i do something "wrong" or do something displeasing and my dom were to ignore me for any length of time i would feel they weren't very capable of handling situations or their emotions and i would not feel secure with them anymore - it would hurt the dynamic. i think ignoring someone is a passive agressive way to make a point and i don't like people who play games - especially with my emotions.

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