24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (Full Version)

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Cloudz -> 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 8:27:19 AM)


Hello All!
There are probably thousands of threads on this topic...but I was unable to find them...I'm sure someone will provide me a list before long <smile>.

I am contemplating entering a 24/7. It won't happen for a bit, I am being careful and cautious...but the potential is certainly there. <happy dance>.
I am curious about what works, what doesn't, and what you would do or did do differently in a 24/7. I understand all the obvious points...we are both people, we both have obligations that require him to leave his "place" (naked and at my feet.)

All thoughts and comments are appreciated...




toservez -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 9:04:49 AM)

These are off the top of my head and I do not mean to imply because I wrote them that they happen to everyone or of a high impact.

Pleasure:

It is much more relaxing as a slave to know my place and not are we at this place or have I given or have you accepted power in this area or that.

I think consistency improves and that increases pleasure.

I think it breeds a better atmosphere to indulge and not get hamstrung by time on/time off situations.

Pitfalls:

It can be harder to remember that many of the kinks are not just for pleasure but for discipline.

If you want your slave 24/7 you have to recognize that on/off switch cannot be turned off when you are always not feeling it.



Mercnbeth -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 10:43:05 AM)

quote:

toservez: If you want your slave 24/7 you have to recognize that on/off switch cannot be turned off when you are always not feeling it.
It goes a bit further than that. The "switch" is replaced with a 'hard wire' direct connect. In my experience that is the biggest distinction and cause for many attempts at 24/7 to fail.

Previous attempts all came to a crossroad of resistance. You can observe it on some comments posted in threads where people say they need "to take a break" or "vacation". You need a vacation from what is considered "work". If 24/7 required a vacation at some level it is being considered work. Most people expect to "retire" from work - and it's fair to expect some form of relationship retirement when one of the partners believes they've "put in their time". 

All very much appreciated as learning experiences on my part as well as that of the person on the other side of the flogger. Whether it's nature or nurture the 'slave' persona and the 'Master' persona must be the essential identity of people attempting such a relationship. The dynamic needs to be serious and structured, but the interaction within that 'structure' must come to the participants as 'natural'. I'd dare say it also requires it to be seen as enjoyable and mostly 'fun'.

I'd been with many who thought it was fun and enjoyable for a period of time; but only beth presented a natural 'submission' that blossomed when given the opportunity. In the "vanilla" world her submission was exploited by practically everyone around her. Now its "exploited" by me and I'm very selfish with it.

It's why I am such an advocate of focus, and serving one 'Master'. Creating a conflict for a slave to decide either serve her 'lifestyle' Master or other 'masters' in his/her life will eventually be frustrating for both the slave and Master. The argument of isolation is often given for not requiring a slave to sacrifice career and/or income as part of the service to the Master. If I was speaking of a cloistered existence the point would be valid. However anyone interacting with beth would know that her life, and mental, emotional condition have not atrophied in the 5 years we've lived in a 24/7 dynamic.

The "pleasure" is worth the risk of the attempt. The "pitfall" is wanting, fantasizing, and wishing for something rarely includes consideration of all the consequences of reality. Your slave, "naked and at your feet" better be just as naked to you emotionally and mentally regarding expectations and goals. Guess what? You as "Master" need to get just as naked, and both need to stay that way.

Good luck!



came4U -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 10:48:39 AM)

Expect that it is impossible to be 'on' or in Dominance/submission-mode all the time. 

Expect that everything will have an influence in your lifestyle (money, kids, job, living quarters, all environment, family, list goes on...).

To expect the constant is to deny yourself common sense.  Expect flexability in moods and foods. No one wants to cook or taste chicken every night. 

Expect: nothing



Cloudz -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 10:49:17 AM)

Thanks toservz,

Your comments on time and consistency were well stated. I appreciate your thoughts on the matter.




toservez -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 11:18:41 AM)

Let me clarify the statement you quoted. I do not disagree with what you wrote and in fact love the hardwire analogy a lot actually but what I did not mean to infer that a dominant turns on/off the switch depending if they want to be “the dominant” at the time or not but like came4u mentioned realistically through out the seconds of life or in things that a person normally controls in the relationship that sometimes a dominant is not going to exercise their control in things they might normally do and in a 24/7 situation a dominant has to be careful when they do this that it can become habit like and as mentioned inconsistent.

I do though agree that maybe the biggest downfall when people do try to go to 24/7 understands just how big a difference between 24/7 and not truly can be. Part of that is learning that many of the things that were done from both sides when in the proper “mood” will now have to be done regardless of the “mood”.

I do not argue with your ability, preference and how it affects you to not have a slave work. I do take exception, not major, with your phrase “serving two masters”. I personally think this is just a mythical expression in BDSM to build up a preference to be nobler then it is. As a slave who works it is insulting on the face value of it to think I cannot prioritize my life with a career or equate my job somehow shares a common value and place in my heart, brain and soul with my Master. Sorry it is just not that complicated in reality and because you want, can and/or need your slave’s 100% attention 100% of the time that does not mean other Master’s want or need it. I know you always qualify it is your preference and I commend you on that. My comment is more on the term being self serving and very misrepresentative.




Thorns82 -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 11:28:00 AM)

I think there's a difference between being 24/7 and live-in (correct me if I'm worng), but you might want to try live-in first.  I think that would avoid a lot of the pitfalls mentioned by the previous posters, allow you to get used to each other, and after a period of time, possibly advance to more.  Of course, I might just have no idea what I'm talking about [:D]



came4U -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 11:35:51 AM)

cancelling my posting lol

I am in the wrong state of mind on this subject right now.



RRafe -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 12:13:07 PM)

Most of the issues of 24 7 can be adressed by simply doing it-rather than looking at your navel.

And don't take the roles so freaking seriously-just enjoy the interplay.

Vanilla time,is not a crime.



Cloudz -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 12:14:28 PM)

Merc,


Your comments were invaluable and thoughtful. I will endeavor to remember that I must be as naked "down to my soul" as he will need to be. Your comments gave me pause, regarding serving more than one Master. He will continue in his career despite a move to 24/7, and concessions and considerations will have to be made. It will be a learning process, as I expect the entire journey will be.
We will engage in discussions more deeply, thanks to your thoughtful comments regarding hard wired and natural submissiveness. You have given me much food for thought.



came4U -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 12:16:15 PM)

RRafe, to some, it is not a crime but not available nor a necessity.  Maybe that is why some choose powerful men, they are always 'on' and enjoy being on everywhere, anytime without relief. (unless they visit mom) lol.



Mercnbeth -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 12:17:32 PM)

to servez,
I'm glad you didn't see my post as an attack. In fact I thought your analogy of the "switch" was a perfect opportunity to once again make a point regarding my personal beliefs and how I've used it in the dynamic of my relationship.

quote:

I know you always qualify it is your preference and I commend you on that. My comment is more on the term being self serving and very misrepresentative.
THANKS for having that appreciation and with that in mind I'd love to continue this discussion with no "absolute" or "one true way" expressed or implied.  

quote:

I do not argue with your ability, preference and how it affects you to not have a slave work. I do take exception, not major, with your phrase “serving two masters”.
Considering this position, let me pose a question that illustrates the problem of serving two 'masters'.

I'll provide a "worst case" scenario - You work for me (no that's not the worst case!). You and your Master plan for 6 months to go to Folsom on the 30th. He's always wanted to go and he says that going with you fulfills a personal dream. Unknown to you, I'm also going, but I own the company and say you and I can't both be out of town at the same time. I say you have to stay in the office and if you go you're fired. At best you have a frustrating situation. At worse, you need the money and in this employment environment replacing your income/position is highly unlikely. Which "Master" do you serve?

Admittedly its a baited question. But, in my opinion, there is a "right" answer - Don't allow the potential for the frustration to ever take place. I didn't want my slave put in that position. Basically that was my priority and what I had in mind long before I met beth. The manner of which we live isn't a contributing factor. Whether we are in a one room studio apartment or a mansion, no amount of money that my slave to contribute merits having an outside 'master' dictate to us. We represent we both "serve" our relationship, and our relationship serves nobody else but us.

My comments are also "self serving" but are representative of how we live. I wish I can say I've managed to eliminate ALL outside 'masters' however issues of age, physical ability, and limited capital resources have me still dealing with the minor ones. I just happen to believe that outside employment is a major one, not a more "noble" one. Its not a question of prioritizing its a question as to why you should have to prioritize at all.



RRafe -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 12:24:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

RRafe, to some, it is not a crime but not available nor a necessity.  Maybe that is why some choose powerful men, they are always 'on' and enjoy being on everywhere, anytime without relief. (unless they visit mom) lol.


Depends on what you mean by powerful.



AquaticSub -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 12:32:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

Maybe that is why some choose powerful men, they are always 'on' and enjoy being on everywhere, anytime without relief. (unless they visit mom) lol.


I'm pretty sure more than one pro domme makes her living spanking powerful men. It's not uncommon for someone in a position of power to crave giving it up when they aren't on the job.



came4U -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 12:36:12 PM)

edit to add:
quote:

Depends on what you mean by powerful.
 my idea of power, would to some be considered snotty lol so not going there.


quote:

I'm pretty sure more than one pro domme makes her living spanking powerful men. It's not uncommon for someone in a position of power to crave giving it up when they aren't on the job.


doh Aqua, again I'm thinking like a sub not a domme LOL

That, in this case would be a situation of someone (the man) being able to turn on/off his submissiveness.  It is the same situation as a woman who works, for me, it would be hard to do.  For once I get daily power at work, it would take me until 10pm-ish to shake that off.



Celeste43 -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 12:37:01 PM)

What we didn't do was expect I could go from independent to totally submissive overnight. For us, the journey is as important as the destination. We're four years in and there are still things that we're working out. I'm never going to be a blank slate for him to write on and that's okay with him. The person he met is someone he likes as is.



AquaticSub -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 12:38:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

All thoughts and comments are appreciated...



My best advice is probably to be open to change and make sure that your dominant is too. If you make a contract, redo it every now and then just to make sure that it still applies.

Hope that was helpful! [:)]



toservez -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 1:44:40 PM)

quote:

I wish I can say I've managed to eliminate ALL outside 'masters' however issues of age, physical ability, and limited capital resources have me still dealing with the minor ones. I just happen to believe that outside employment is a major one, not a more "noble" one. Its not a question of prioritizing its a question as to why you should have to prioritize at all.


I am sorry for hijacking what I think is a very interesting thread but to answer this reply quickly and be done with it in this thread at least. As you state to eliminate having to prioritize as much as possible, again understand where you are coming from and glad you are able to achieve it as well but my answer is again it is a personal preference and the way a person lives to me the phrase “serving two masters” has a connotation of the job being on the same plane as my Master and that is flat out a wrong statement. What you want or would get put off by another Master might not give a damn and to me that is a preference and not a quality of a power exchange relationship expressed as a misleading phrase.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 4:00:34 PM)

I think the drawbacks and positives are the same thing- focus on being true to yourself all the time. 



Cloudz -> RE: 24/7 Pitfalls and Pleasures? (9/12/2007 4:25:38 PM)

There have been too many great responses to answer individually, but I thank each of your for your input...It has been helpful :)

Mistress Cloudz



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