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allspiceT -> RE: deception (9/12/2007 5:23:59 PM)
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Well, I think I can give my own personal answer to this question as I've faced it. Master and I had been together for awhile when out came his views on religion. I am a highly spiritual person. He was adamantly opposed to most, if not all, belief systems that revolve around the concept of God. How did we deal with it?
Well, in talking about it, the real problem was not that we differed in our belief systems but how we viewed and treated others who had different belief systems. I worked on a theory of mutual respect. He worked on a theory that religion should be wiped from the world and we would all be better for it. He was adamant and vocal. I found myself losing respect for someone I thought of as a very good, moral, caring person as I listened to him denigrate what is for me, and many others, a core aspect of our life and worldview.
3 years later we are still together. Why? How? Well, you have made me think about that.
First, I took a stance. I told him how I felt. I told him how it affected my view of him. He respects my views and thoughts, he considered it (not without a lot of discussion and argument :) I had to be firm. This, for me, was a critical issue. I need to respect the person I am with. His behaviour in this are was not, to my mind, worthy of respect. So I challenged him. I challenged his personal view of himself as a person whose words and actions are worthy of the respect of others. The challenge made him think.
Second, in discussions, we focused on the key issue, which is not belief systems but rather tolerance. Again and again, I pointed out that we have chosen a lifestyle that encourages and promotes tolerance of all sorts of things. It can't possibly be harder to be tolerant of someone's belief system.
Third, I challenged his ability to think rationally. He has a belief system, it simply isn't God centred. Nor is it entirely based on "fact". There is a great deal of supposition in a science or logic oriented belief system. I engaged him on a cerebral plane. He likes that :) It's one of the reasons he keeps me around.
Last, I continued and still continue, to support his right to his own belief system. I do not get angry at him about it, I remain calm and centred on the issue of respecting others.
Just this week Master had me enroll us both in a course called Philosophy, Science and Religion. I asked him if he would enter into it with an open mind. He said, no, probably not. But he was looking forward to it and the discussions it would generate between us.
Through intelligent dialogue, dedication and perseverance to the idea that he is worthy of respect and perhaps simply hadn't considered certain things, we have changed what was an issue between us into something we can explore and enjoy together.
I am his slave. I submit to him in all things. But he values me also for the intelligent, thoughtful, challenging person I am as well. To submit does not mean to agree :) I submit to many things I neither particularly like nor agree with. When such is damaging to me, we work it out. When I believe such is damaging to himself in the person he wants to be, then I am free to tell him so. I am the mirror that shows his own reflection. The perfections and the imperfections. He has come to cherish the insights I provide him. And that, I think is the key.
For us, this is not about love. We have a very loving relationship but we began and continue on, as a full time Master/slave relationship. This is our focus at all times. Love worries about hurting another. M/s worries about hurting the relationship between you and so gives more scope to address issues without personal injury.
That, anyway, is my opinion. But then Master is quite aware that I would never remain with him simply because of the love I feel for him. I stay because he is a man that I have come to greatly respect and esteem and who has become the Master of my life because of his ability to face himself and grow from the experience.
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