RE: What to do about wannabee's and such?

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

TheIronHorse -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 6:23:59 PM)
I'm surprised she didnt ask for signed and notarized references.... quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: TheIronHorse I am paraphrasing a subbie profile I see from time to time: "...you will have been mentored by a prominant male dominant in the local BDSM community, you will have participated regularly and openly at private and public events..." At first glance it might not be too off the mark, but this sub in particular seeks some sort of instant perfection. Real relationships are all trial and error. As was said in a thread elsewhere, be skeptical of one who keeps calling others fakes all the time. Geez...with standards like that, I hope she is really good at sucking cock.

LadyHugs -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 6:30:36 PM)
Dear azsub1, Ladies and Gentlemen; Although dealing with wannabes, which are not the same as 'want to be,' to attempt to make some sort of black list is dangerous territory indeed. Unfortunately, if there is a broad brush stroke of who to ban and or start as a vigilante justice system, it will be subjected to abuse--it becomes a clique, a popularity contest and a power game called control, domineering and or politics. In addition, I know a few who want to dictate who is 'entitled' to be called Master and or slave in Washington, DC area -- that person is setting a dangerous standard because it is 'one' person's standard who wants to make everybody fit his picture of what is a True/Real Master. Problem is, he cannot keep slaves long so--as a Dominant, I must ask why I want this man who cannot practice what he preaches--dictate over other people on how they define themselves and or what is deemed Master-slave. I've seen people black listed because they don't kiss the power person's behind. Some live through groups and cannot manage an independent life -- If we restrict too much beyond what we have now--I can say that --although it is wishful thinking, a wonderful idea--people will skew the honorable intentions into something that is evil and promotes further division, prejudices and unfair treatment based more on personal views of what right and or wrong is. I do not wish to empower the ones who have designs on determining who is true and or real and who is phony and or wannabes, especially when I know it isn't for the best for the whole of us--more of a single person's insecurities and being an attention vampire that has gotten fat and needs to be fatter like a tick sucking blood--is looking for more ways to control and demand attention, as this person has grand opinions of himself--to me, this person is more of a threat than wannabes and wankers --at least they are easy to spot. The dangers are from within more often than not. I do not wish to be swept into a dictatorship by a selected few--nor should it be tolerated. Power corrupts as it has been written and warned about for many decades. It can do the same within the context of BDSM, D/s and or M/s as well. Giving selected people within the community such power--will corrupt those selected people and exclude people that might be the very epitome of a good relationship. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

camille65 -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 6:31:02 PM)
As an idea it is kind of nice to think about something like this working, but there are too many variables (personalities [;)]) for it to work. Maybe it would be possible for awhile if it were done in a physical community but again I don't think you can pin down others behavior with rules or blacklisting.

xoxi -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 6:34:02 PM)
I suggest some of you who are so negative about human nature look at http://www.theeroticreview.com The full reviews are members only (which cost money) but it's an escort review system that is run by the honor code alone. From what I see most of the reviews are accurate, with most of the ratings anywhere from a 5 to a 9. I might be naive but I think there are more good people than petty people in the world, and everyone has an interest in keeping things honest.

AquaticSub -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 6:39:31 PM)
Except that in these forums we see evidence of the exact sort of thing we are talking about. We hear all the time about masters and mistresses who bitched subs/slaves out for not sending money or meeting strangers in dangerous places. Why shouldn't I believe that they would skew the ratings on such a site?

MadRabbit -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 6:46:00 PM)
This is a different context though. We're not talking about a professional service or reviewing a book. We're talking about intimate relationships where what went on is only known between 2 peoples and the reviewer is a person who is quite possibly subjective and biased based on distorted perspective from emotions and built up resentment.

RRafe -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 6:47:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Except that in these forums we see evidence of the exact sort of thing we are talking about. We hear all the time about masters and mistresses who bitched subs/slaves out for not sending money or meeting strangers in dangerous places. Why shouldn't I believe that they would skew the ratings on such a site? And the bitchers are often the worst offenders.

lonlyrossInNeed -> RE: What to do about wannabees and such? (9/12/2007 6:48:43 PM)
other ppl will be who they are and wannabees will be who they are and there is no changing that just them ruining it for the really ones out there

Maya2001 -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 6:50:30 PM)
You would scare off a lot of newbies who maybe seeking to explore if this is something they are interested in, often people enter into not really sure if this is for them, if a dom comes on to strong they may get scared off or chicken out at the last minute, but may be fine with the next person they contact because of how the person comes across. part of the lifestyle is about forming relationships and clicking with the other person if you don't feel a connection with the other person you are not going to want to be bound by a contract regardless whether you are the sub or dom, believe me as a sub I sure as heck do not want to forced to stay in contract to a wantabe dom . There are players on both sides for example I heard of on CD being taken in by a Domme, charged a fee and then he was given an address to meet her, only it was not her place, it ended up at a home of a family with little children, he was horribly embarassed trying to explain what he was doing knocking on their door. Players do not just exist on bdsm sites they also are on vanilla dating sites as well, it simply comes with the territory, out of my own emails I estimate only 8% are legitimate doms most others are just players looking for kinky sex. I maybe a newbie as a sub but am and old timer in the dating scene so can pick out the players probably a lot faster then many true newbies are, even one who considered themselves to be pro dom who contacted me wanting to offer his services directing me to their website got a tongue lashing for trying to sell his services to a sub that is collared and was stated clearly in the profile at the time. which showed a clear lack of professionalism and protocol, if a another uncollared sub had come to me to tell they signed for services with this dom I would highly try to steer them away from that dom

TheIronHorse -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 6:59:22 PM)
I posted in my journal, a story of a femdom who talks subs into coming over to clean, no strings attached. To the best of my knowledge, everyone who's gone has been met by a male at the door. Nobody has met this "woman" to date. It looks like a scam, but I dont know for sure. There are many who prey on the inexperienced. My advice: Go meet people for coffee, hang out, talk vanilla stuff. You have to get out and meet people and experience what they have to offer. Granted there are many with mismatched expectations. I think this thread is starting to cover a lot of ground. quote: ORIGINAL: Maya2001 You would scare off a lot of newbies who maybe seeking to explore if this is something they are interested in, often people enter into not really sure if this is for them, if a dom comes on to strong they may get scared off or chicken out at the last minute, but may be fine with the next person they contact because of how the person comes across. part of the lifestyle is about forming relationships and clicking with the other person if you don't feel a connection with the other person you are not going to want to be bound by a contract regardless whether you are the sub or dom, believe me as a sub I sure as heck do not want to forced to stay in contract to a wantabe dom . There are players on both sides for example I heard of on CD being taken in by a Domme, charged a fee and then he was given an address to meet her, only it was not her place, it ended up at a home of a family with little children, he was horribly embarassed trying to explain what he was doing knocking on their door. Players do not just exist on bdsm sites they also are on vanilla dating sites as well, it simply comes with the territory, out of my own emails I estimate only 8% are legitimate doms most others are just players looking for kinky sex. I maybe a newbie as a sub but am and old timer in the dating scene so can pick out the players probably a lot faster then many true newbies are, even one who considered themselves to be pro dom who contacted me wanting to offer his services directing me to their website got a tongue lashing for trying to sell his services to a sub that is collared and was stated clearly in the profile at the time. which showed a clear lack of professionalism and protocol, if a another uncollared sub had come to me to tell they signed for services with this dom I would highly try to steer them away from that dom

MstrSkyWoIf -> RE: What to do about wannabes and such? (9/12/2007 7:17:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ladybugs Dear azsub1, Ladies and Gentlemen; Although dealing with wannabes, which are not the same as 'want to be,' to attempt to make some sort of black list is dangerous territory indeed. Unfortunately, if there is a broad brush stroke of who to ban and or start as a vigilante justice system, it will be subjected to abuse--it becomes a clique, a popularity contest and a power game called control, domineering and or politics. In addition, I know a few who want to dictate who is 'entitled' to be called Master and or slave in Washington, DC area -- that person is setting a dangerous standard because it is 'one' person's standard who wants to make everybody fit his picture of what is a True/Real Master. Problem is, he cannot keep slaves long so--as a Dominant, I must ask why I want this man who cannot practice what he preaches--dictate over other people on how they define themselves and or what is deemed Master-slave. I've seen people black listed because they don't kiss the power person's behind. Some live through groups and cannot manage an independent life -- If we restrict too much beyond what we have now--I can say that --although it is wishful thinking, a wonderful idea--people will skew the honorable intentions into something that is evil and promotes further division, prejudices and unfair treatment based more on personal views of what right and or wrong is. I do not wish to empower the ones who have designs on determining who is true and or real and who is phony and or wannabes, especially when I know it isn't for the best for the whole of us--more of a single person's insecurities and being an attention vampire that has gotten fat and needs to be fatter like a tick sucking blood--is looking for more ways to control and demand attention, as this person has grand opinions of himself--to me, this person is more of a threat than wannabes and wankers --at least they are easy to spot. The dangers are from within more often than not. I do not wish to be swept into a dictatorship by a selected few--nor should it be tolerated. Power corrupts as it has been written and warned about for many decades. It can do the same within the context of BDSM, D/s and or M/s as well. Giving selected people within the community such power--will corrupt those selected people and exclude people that might be the very epitome of a good relationship. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs I agree with you here I saw first hand many years ago a Man in a local dungun who became so powerful if you where not in his click or did not agree with his idea of how things should be run you where not welcome. And if you did show up you where like an outcast. Like all who get that much power it eventually became his downfall. The interesting thing is it only took a 5'4'' submissive to take him down. He got to a point he forgot no means no... She said no he did not listen and she took him down to the ground... He was ousted and not welcomed back from what I hear. I myself was so turned away by it to this day I have not gone back to that group or any of there social events. I am not much of a public player anyway so not much reason as I have my own circle of friends.

xoxi -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 7:40:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit This is a different context though. We're not talking about a professional service or reviewing a book. We're talking about intimate relationships where what went on is only known between 2 peoples and the reviewer is a person who is quite possibly subjective and biased based on distorted perspective from emotions and built up resentment. That's very true. I suppose a better comparison would be http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com or something. I do see that it could easily be abused, but I don't know if that's necessarily the case. I think opening it up for everyone in a 'he said she said' manner is better than simply 'she said' and that's all. At the very least it would steer people clear of drama [;)]

Mercurialdame -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/12/2007 8:20:15 PM)
I find if you spend a lot of effort in your negotiating/getting to know phase, you can avoid time wasting on both parts. But my partner, recently got accused of being a 'player', a 'wannabe' as he didnt wish to play on a first meet. It just meant that he chose a different way than she. Not that he was a player, and he's certainly no wannabe either. But in the scenario you suggest, he would be blacklisted.

mrdpettigrew -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/21/2007 7:44:42 AM)
black listing people interesting concept got to wonder though what of all the recient profiles for this or taht dom or sub/s;ave is a player or fake is taht not blacklisting others and we are all vaunerable to it jsut ause one can

SirCache -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/21/2007 7:52:46 AM)
My biggest concern is that people very easily miscontrue the things other people say. How many flamewars have we all read on the internet because someone did not understand precisely what was intended? Ultimately, as much as it is a pain to deal with it--it's safest to make individual mistakes and leave it at that. While you may find tragic error in the way someone interpretes the BDSM lifestyle, another person may find a good match. We simply don't know. I would feel ...awkward... if I knew that I could be potentially destroying a person's chances simply because they did not present themselves in a certain way, especially since personal judgement can be so flawed.

junecleaver -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/21/2007 8:16:06 AM)
Just ignore them.

RRafe -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/21/2007 8:18:53 AM)
But..how do we know that YOU aren't just another internet wannabe?

Celeste43 -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/21/2007 8:23:04 AM)
Your wannabe is someone else's perfect dom/me. What you see as someone unable to take control I may see as someone laid back who isn't so incredibly insecure that they need to micomanage. As far as not finding anyone else from that board? What if the dom/me claims you didn't fulfill your responsibility but you claim he/she broke the contract by demanding you break a hard limit? How are you going to prove anything. More important than any of this is that you shouldn't be jumping to find someone. You should take enough time in the beginning to be sure your needs and likings and dislikings are compatible.

LaTigresse -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/21/2007 8:30:10 AM)
What ever happened to the good old days............ you met people, got to know them, spent actual time with them, decided if you wanted to spend more time with them........ le'sigh

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? (9/21/2007 8:38:28 AM)
It's a catch 22. If folks were honest and impartial enough to be able to blacklist someone for solid reasons with no personal agenda or revenge behind it....then folks could also be counted on to be honest enough to not BS in a manner that would get them blacklisted.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125