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RE: Fantasy or want? - 9/23/2007 1:01:50 AM

MaamJay

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I'm with DustyGold in saying that I only want to be pampered if and when and how I want to be pampered, not if, when and how My sub decides he (or she) wants to pamper Me! It could just be plain annoying and inconvenient at other times and I would hate to see the crestfallen little face.

My sub needs to get to know Me, My schedule (erratic as it can be), and how I like things done. That can take a while. Their need/want/fantasy should be about pleasing Me and getting their pleasure from seeing My pleasure and hearing My praise. I don't want them to have too many pre-sets about how they might go about this. It could vary from moment to moment! Staying attentive and picking up little hints and then acting on them ... that's GOOD. For example, if I said "I must remember to wash the dog's bedding soon" and next time I come past the dog beds the bedding is out on the line drying ... GREAT!

As Master's sub, after living 24/7 for over 3 years, i still ask Him exactly how He wants particular foods ... as He has definite requirements which do vary from time to time. For example, sometimes He wants His baked beans on His toast, other times He wants the beans on the plate and the toast on the side. Asking and not assuming i know best is pleasing to Him. Sometimes He says He wants sandwiches for lunch and when i ask what He wants in them, He says surprise Me! OK that's when i draw on my collected knowledge of combinations of fillings that He enjoys to make a couple of nice sandwiches for Him. He would surely get pissed off really quickly if my desire to serve Him a particular way meant that i insisted He have x for lunch at y time!

So to the OP ... the desire to serve is great ... where it becomes a problem is if you connect with a Mistress who prefers a different style and doesn't want you to do it your way ... She wants you to do it Her way. If you can't adapt to that with good grace ... not the best match!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Post #: 21

RE: Fantasy or want? - 9/23/2007 3:20:32 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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Men seem to make the mistake of thinking D/s has rigid rules set in stone. It should be about two people. Things are not always her way and most women would prefer a male sub with an opinion and ideas of his own, not a doormat. What is the interest in dominating a doormat? It's way too easy and dull.

A sub can be an equal partner. If she wants him to back down or ease up she will make sure he gets the message. I don't think of it as roleplay but more like two people who enjoy having her be dominant. Life happens in and around the relationship.

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Post #: 22

RE: Fantasy or want? - 9/24/2007 12:02:56 PM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
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quote:

I realize that its all about Her, and, it is. But, would You consider that a fantasy of the sub? Or would You consider that a want? (the desire to pamper You)

I'd hope wasn't just a fantasy as I'd want him to do it not just think about it.

I like subs using their initiative and thinking up ways to please me, sometimes surprises are nice, other times having the idea and running it by me and asking if it is ok to carry it out or when might suit me is the way to go. A sub when gets to know his Domme should be able to tell when which option is appropriate.

Oumae

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Post #: 23

RE: Fantasy or want? - 9/24/2007 1:49:35 PM

MistressStiletto

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/6/2007
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I have enjoyed reading this thread as well. I would say that I enjoy a slave using their imagination to find some little way to surprise Me, once they know Me a bit. Also, I agree with TNstepsout about the importance of not making your Domme feel like a prop. I can't tell you how many times in the beginning to know someone stages where I was basically handed a script of how the potential sub in question thought My domineering should go.
I don't want to make all the moves all the time... that gets exhausting... However it can be just as exhausting when a sub needs as much attention as a puppy day in and day out. It's a fine line, and I wish you luck.

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Post #: 24

RE: Fantasy or want? - 9/24/2007 2:00:21 PM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Men seem to make the mistake of thinking D/s has rigid rules set in stone. It should be about two people. Things are not always her way and most women would prefer a male sub with an opinion and ideas of his own, not a doormat. What is the interest in dominating a doormat? It's way too easy and dull.

A sub can be an equal partner. If she wants him to back down or ease up she will make sure he gets the message. I don't think of it as roleplay but more like two people who enjoy having her be dominant. Life happens in and around the relationship.

i use to hear just that all the time, "I dont want a door mat" but lately it seems it is not that way anymore.

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Post #: 25

RE: Fantasy or want? - 9/24/2007 10:26:20 PM

subiugo

Posts: 45
Joined: 3/19/2007
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When i first read your questions it seemed to me you are 'afraid' of your want to pamper a Dominant Woman. For me, it only prooves you are carved out of the right submissive wood. The desire to pamper a Woman is the hallmark of a true submissive personality. Of course, that desire needs training and education to really serve a Woman. Even with the best intentions a man can easily 'project' his desires in the way he serves a Woman. It takes time and constant effort to 'read' what a Woman really wants.

Personally, i shouldn't confine the way i serve a Woman only to 'pampering'. This could suggest a Woman has only 'soft' needs. She has, of course, but She has so many more needs. To learn about the needs of the Woman you feel submitted too, to try to anticipate to Her needs (both 'hard' and 'soft'), to train yourself in the way you can serve all these needs,... that's the delight of a real slave.

i read in the ongoing discussion that you are a 'perfectionist': you want to do the things to their perfection. The most important mind switch you probably have to make is that they must be done to 'Her' perfection, not 'your' perfection. If you can progress on that path, i personally think you will enjoy the real dynamics of a D/s relationship. And you will discover there is no end to your submission.

For males it is not easy to really make the 'mind switch' of thinking from the perspective of the Woman. Me too, i was a 'stubborn' male. i wanted to serve Women, but i wanted it 'my way'. But the proper training, focused on real servitude helped me a lot. And i am grateful to the HeadMistress of the Academy where i trained that She has gone to all Her training efforts with me, because i feel i am on the right track to become a real useful slave to the needs of a Superior Woman.

subiugo
trained at Academyforslaves.com by Supreme Goddess Lorena.

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Post #: 26