Love and BDSM (Full Version)

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Bobkgin -> Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 5:51:43 AM)

This is the counterpart to the "Love-Less BDSM" thread.

For those of you who require love in a BDSM relationship, why?



Driver1961 -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 7:03:39 AM)

He dips His lid;

Firstly Bob- I think you should set a parameter of what your 'love' is.  Love can be many things and my looking into a girl's eyes and say 'I love you' is not something that I do lightly, nor because of simple affection or lustful appreciation. 

The progression of the relationship towards what I call love; inspires me and bonds me with greater respect of myself and to the sub, thus enhancing what I call the D/s dynamic.  (He stops Himself from typing what could sound like an advertisement- I'm not interested in selling thanks)

I am yet to say this in a D/s dynamic but live in the certain knowledge that I will.
Warm Regards Driver




velvetears -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 7:07:06 AM)

i want more from the experience



earthycouple -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 7:13:29 AM)

because connection on multiple levels is what this is all about for me. 



MasterMataeo -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 7:25:04 AM)

as for me it is something that grows in time,, not that it cant happen  but it is something tha takes time to grow
i have had several relationships that grew into a deep compassion for the other and short of another word it would have to be ,,, love,,
i know that i can seperate the feelings ifi must ,, but then i would be depriving myself and the slave of what could be the best thing there is ,,
but alas that is jsut my take on it

MM



toservez -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 7:26:32 AM)

Because my M/s relationship is a complete 24/7 relationship and not some separated part which by definition means it needs to satisfy all my needs that a relationship provides me as a human being and I am one of those fairly common human beings that needs to love and be loved.



RRafe -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 7:26:49 AM)

Love is part of bonding.

I don't love someone instantly-or because it's an expectation.



LaTigresse -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 7:31:16 AM)

I could give a whole cute fufu answer but when it comes right down to it, I am selfish.

I don't want to waste my precious free time with people I don't feel some sort of emotional attachment to or have something to gain from (example: educational). So yes, as with any activity aside from work or similar activities, I want to love the people I am hanging out with. I don't have the time, or patience, for alot of meaningless social bs.

Also, if I am going to invite someone into my home, my sanctuary, I already care about them a great deal. 



Celeste43 -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 7:56:33 AM)

You're assuming BDSM means 24/7 power relationships. It doesn't. Could you call someone who goes to a dungeon and asks a needle top to do play piercings on them in love with the top? Of course not, in that case they simply wanted the experience and (hopefully) knew the top was trustworthy and competent in what he was doing.

There are people who play with friends. For them friendship is enough and a once every few weeks meeting is all they can do because of life exigencies.



LaTigresse -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 9:01:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

You're assuming BDSM means 24/7 power relationships. It doesn't. Could you call someone who goes to a dungeon and asks a needle top to do play piercings on them in love with the top? Of course not, in that case they simply wanted the experience and (hopefully) knew the top was trustworthy and competent in what he was doing.

There are people who play with friends. For them friendship is enough and a once every few weeks meeting is all they can do because of life exigencies.


I don't know if this was directed at me or not. But, if it was, I will answer. I don't assume anything for anyone other than myself in this arena. I answered for myself. I am aware that others don't have the same interests as I do or the same requirements to satisfy those interests. I certainly don't think I am a worse or better person for those requirements, just doing my thing, my way.

For myself, if I cannot have it MY way, I would rather not have it at all. There are no activities within the realm of BDSM that I feel I simply must have, on a regular basis, to be a balanced happy person. For ME, it is a facet of a relationship, not the focus or primary ingredient.

Again, this is only my way, for ME. We all have to do what works best for us.



AquaticSub -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 9:52:35 AM)

Because one of my larger goals in life is to marry and have children. I'm not going to do that while in a dynamic without love. Don't know why - just won't.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 9:56:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

Because my M/s relationship is a complete 24/7 relationship and not some separated part which by definition means it needs to satisfy all my needs that a relationship provides me as a human being and I am one of those fairly common human beings that needs to love and be loved.



ditto the above, except i would say that although i need to love and be loved in a relationship in order to be a happy, whole person, i don't need to love and be loved in order to be a slave. my need to be property and serve someone in that way is stronger than my need to be happy. but if we are talking about happiness, peace, joy of living...then yes i need to be a beloved slave.



Bobkgin -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 11:08:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

You're assuming BDSM means 24/7 power relationships. It doesn't. Could you call someone who goes to a dungeon and asks a needle top to do play piercings on them in love with the top? Of course not, in that case they simply wanted the experience and (hopefully) knew the top was trustworthy and competent in what he was doing.

There are people who play with friends. For them friendship is enough and a once every few weeks meeting is all they can do because of life exigencies.


Celeste, what you've described would likely fit within the companion thread to this one: "Love-Less BDSM".



greyarcher315 -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 12:18:13 PM)

   I want love because i am looking for a long term relationship. i want something more than just a play partner, i want some one i can care about on a deep emotional level. It won't be easy or quick, but the rewards are worth it, at least to me. i know not everyone will see things the same.



xoxi -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/13/2007 12:42:54 PM)

Because I've found that going through the motions of intimate activities without intimacy ends up being a horrific farce.

"Who do you serve bitch?"
"Um...certainly not you, dude, I don't give half of a percentage of a fuck about your god damn ego. I'm here for me so I guess I serve me too."

"Are you my little slut?"
"Well I'm obviously *a* little slut because I'm here naked with you and I was here naked with your best friend last week, but I'm certainly not *your* little slut because next week I think I'm going to bring that blond guy Robert."

"How's that bitch? You like that?"
"Um...yeah I guess.  You know we should have had a longer discussion about my likes and dislikes in the two hours we've spent exchanging flirtatious glances across the sex club with each other, but hey.  Better luck next time."



Focus50 -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/14/2007 3:53:08 AM)

Because that's the reason I, and presumably most people, get involved in personal, intimate relationships.  Only difference to most of the World is that my personal relationships function through a formalised control dynamic.  I'm not the least bit interested in controlling/dominating anyone merely because they're willing and identify as fem/sub.
 
Focus.



Littlepita -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/14/2007 5:01:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin


For those of you who require love in a BDSM relationship, why?



I do require love, and while my Sir holds to the belief that love and D/s complicate things, he has willingly given me his love as well as the control and domination I require.

I need love because I want a full and rich relationship that goes into other areas than just lifestyle. He is my love, my best friend, and my Sir.



Cyntilating -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/14/2007 5:07:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

This is the counterpart to the "Love-Less BDSM" thread.

For those of you who require love in a BDSM relationship, why?


my answer is simple
   I want to be free to express and experience all emotions and feelings..freely and openly. Freedom of expression, physically, emotionally,artistically, mentally and spiritually..
 



mmb1 -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/14/2007 5:10:51 AM)

Because although BDSM is a "part" of my life that is vital, love and my need for that prevails.



mmb1 -> RE: Love and BDSM (9/14/2007 5:11:53 AM)

oops I forgot.....therefore enhancing the BDSM part even more so.  :)



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