What is your definition of "Assertive"? (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 9:08:45 AM)

I think "Assertive" means  being direct, without being rude.

I think "Agressive" means being direct with a tinge (or more) of hostility, and possibly with an "agenda" in mind.

I realize these definitions are subjective for people (and I don't have a dictionary close-by at the moment).

Just wondering what anyone else thinks these terms mean - and how they differentiate the two terms.

Thanks very much for any replies.

- Susan 



mistoferin -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 9:17:34 AM)

In my opinion, assertion is voicing or standing up for one's opinions, rights, beliefs or ideas while remaining respectful of the opinions, rights, beliefs or ideas of another....while aggression is voicing or standing up for one's opinions, rights, beliefs or ideas without regard for the opinions, rights, beliefs or ideas of another.



SusanofO -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 9:18:32 AM)

mistoferin: That's a good definition, IMO (really good). Thanks  for the reply.

I guess I never considered myself to be "aggressive", and had to re-think it when someone told me they thought I was. Of course I think this remark was made in the context of me somehow not being"submissive enough", and IMO, the person had an "agenda", so I am not paying too much attention (because I don't think I was rude to them, at all). But it caused me to re-think it (a little) - and  am just wondering exactly what other people's personal definitions of these terms are.   

I guess maybe we need to define "respectful" - I think I know what it means (and you as well), and think I generally try to be that way, w/ other people. But I guess it can be a relative term.

- Susan 



toservez -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 9:22:31 AM)

Personally I think assertive is expressing oneself whether a need, opinion, comment or desire and/or dealing with a problem that requires action in a proactive manner and not waiting for another to bring it up or do something before making yourself known on an issue.

To me aggressive is a person who pushes things on to another person with little regard to the other person and does not have to be rude at all.

Examples:

Assertive: “I am really in the mood for Mexican food”
Aggressive: “Let’s go grab some Mexican food for dinner”

Assertive: “We need to come up with a plan of action now for this problem”
Aggressive: “Let do this for that” which requires another person doing what the person says.

I think being assertive is an admirable trait for all human beings but aggressive depends on the nature and way it is carried out. Personally I enjoy aggressive people in all walks of life and especially in dominants.



daddysprop247 -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 9:26:17 AM)

actually, the dictionary definitions of these two words are very close....assertive means "boldly or confidently aggressive," and aggressive means "boldly assertive", pushy, forward, etc. how the connotations of the two became so different in everyday usage of the terms i don't know.

when i personally think of assertive, i think of someone who strives to express themselves or get their way in a confident, super self-assured, direct and bold way. when i think of aggressive, i think of someone who is just VERY assertive. both are qualities i find desireable/attractive in a Dominant or any man really, and both are qualities i would find undesireable/unattractive in myself or any submissive.














 




 



SusanofO -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 9:27:47 AM)

toservez: Wow, that is good food for thought. Thanks for the reply.

daddysprop: Thank you - I didn't realize the dictionary definitions of both words were this close (interesting).

I appreciate that ya'll don't equate Aggressive with "rude" - this is pertinent to me because I am a Switch, and can be aggressive when I think it's necessary - maybe someof it spilled over into my "submissive side" (however, I am not totally convinced that's altogether true in this case, as I think this person who told me I was, was just ticked I wasn't responding the way they would prefer. And since the are not my Master, I don't necessarily have to, IMO). Anyway - thanks for the replies.

-Susan



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 9:45:44 AM)

though i'm submissive, i'm both assertive and aggressive because i know to express myself and  not afraid of getting what i want without resorting to brattiness



SusanofO -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 9:49:06 AM)

Interesting point - not all submissives are the same, I agree.

Thanks for replying.

- Susan




velvetears -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 10:00:14 AM)

i am not looking in the dictionary for my definition so i am speaking from experience ifyou will. Assertive means to stand up for youself and not allow others to speak for you.  You know what you want and go about getting it in a direct way by making your needs known without hiding behind any false facades. 

Aggressive means you go about getting what you want or need without regard to other people around you. It also has a flavor of cohersion or physical force/intimidation attached to it. 

An example:  Someone cuts in front of you in line

Assertive - getting the persons attention and telling them that you were standing in line first and would appreciate it if they stepped behind you. 

Agressive - Making rude comments and telling the person you were there first and had better step out of the way, then shoving yourself in front of the other person in line. 



SusanofO -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 10:02:28 AM)

velvetears: Thanks for replying. That is traditionally the way I've usually thought of the two terms as well.

To anyone: I have to go out somewhere, but I do appreciate the replies very much; they are helpful for me to read -and will checkk back on this thread later today.

- Susan



RRafe -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 10:14:20 AM)

assertive-direct with tact.

agressive-direct with self interest.



MiladyElaine -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 10:18:12 AM)

I think being assertive is to take initiative about anything.
Being aggressive is with a tinge of anger or purpose.



chellekitty -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 10:19:12 AM)

as a submissive i have had to train myself to be assertive in order to "protect the property"...even if that is from inadvertant harm from my (theoretical at this time) owner...and through that training i had to learn how to differentiate between assertive behavior, for me, and agressive behavior, for me...and its been a whole lot of, its not what you say, its how you say it...and learning personal boundaries (i had some long time aquaintences laugh out loud because i told them i have personal boundaries and suggested they get some), and defining what are needs and what are wants...a lot of introspection...stealing another phrase from a friend...i have to be a me before i can be a we...
chelle...



TNstepsout -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 10:21:21 AM)

I agree with others definitions. I've always thought of assertive as a good characteristic and aggressiveness as a bad one. Of course I think there are times when one MUST be aggressive, as when dealing with an aggressive person.



TheIronOrchid -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 10:30:24 AM)

I need to think of the difference between assertive and aggressive by analogy.

The assertive takes a stand and will not retreat from it.

The aggressive takes a stand and then seeks to push forward.



akisha -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 11:44:09 AM)

I have a very assertive demeanor. I will speak up for myself and let my thoughts and idea know with out a problem.I'm very self assured and rarely doubt myself

I do no have an agressive demeanor, for i will not push my ideal on others or demand they agree with me. I will not demand to be the center of attention or try to be.



iammachine -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 11:54:02 AM)

as·ser·tive 
adj.   Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured.

ag·gres·sive
adj.  
  • Inclined to behave in an actively hostile fashion: 
  • Assertive, bold, and energeticThere ya go! :)

    Anyway, my personal definition and differentiation:

    Assertive is more, just, simply being confident in conveying your desires. To assert oneself is to be resolute, without being overly forceful.

    Aggressive, is more context sensitive, though implies a bit more uncompromising force to me.






    • Tigrita -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 12:28:19 PM)

    I totally agree with the running definitions of assertive and aggressive, socially speaking. 

    An additional definition of aggressive comes to mind for me though, physical aggression.  I suppose it is somewhat the same; acting on impulse, not considering exchange with the other, but simply exercising your will selfishly over theirs.  Of course I enjoy this sexually from a partner, but the thing is, I can get this way too when I get very playfully excited and feel like a good wrestling/sparring match.  I certainly don't want or expect to win though ;)



    YourShyPet -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 12:36:33 PM)

    Reading these definitions some are worded a tad differently but all seem to have the same feeling to them....

    I'm extremely assertive & aggressive... but some how many people seem to tranlate it to be difficult or bratty... LOL silly people.



    xoxi -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 12:50:38 PM)

    What one person considers assertive another might find aggressive.  I also think they are behaviors rather than personality traits.

    I think when a person is being assertive, they will back off, or will agree to disagree, when they are made aware or realize that the other person is uncomfortable, insulted, hurt, or intimidated.  When a person is being aggressive they are playing to win, and another person's discomfort will be a sign they are winning.  They might switch tactics in order to continue the conversation, but they will still pursue it until agreed with.

    To use the example above, I think "Let's get some Mexican food" could be considered assertive.

    If the other person says "I don't know, Mexican usually gives me heartburn" the assertive person will say "Oh I didn't know, do you have any suggestions?" or even "Oh wow, how about burgers then?" while the aggressive person would say "Well what do you order? Why don't you just get a quesadilla or something? I'm sure they have something that won't make you feel sick, come on let's go."



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