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expectations - 9/14/2007 6:06:59 AM

greyarcher315

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We have all seen them, profiles that have long lists of qualifications that are expected to be met. Lists of skills and how long a person should have been active in the lifestyle, etc. i know thatthere has to be some info on what one is looking for, but do these people realize that the more qualifications, the less likely you will find some one? How much comprimise will you accept?

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 6:16:56 AM

jaxnsax

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Greetings
I do agree with the comment that everyone has expectations.
However, given the diversity that exists with those who seek relationships such as these; you must remember that not everyone has the SAME expectations. For every person that has a list a mile long, there is a partner who has a list just as long J
jaxon

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 6:19:52 AM

came4U

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I wouldn't compromise, if so, I would be 'settling'. I don't settle.

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 6:39:29 AM

MsOpal

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Hi,
I rather like reading the long lists. It helped me when trying to decide who to write to. It helps me if someone writes to me. If a profile in general interests me and they list something they "love" that is a hard limit for me I will still write to them and just ask how much of a deal breaker that one thing is and go one to explain why I do not do it. Also I make it clear that I do knifeplay and it IS a deal breaker for me if they refuse and I go on to make it clear that my knifeplay does NOT include cutting, etc. Sometimes someone has written back saying something is a deal breaker and sometimes they have siad well, maybe we can talk. We all have expectations, wishes, desires, needs, fears and it all should be addressed, so I like seeing a good list along with a good profile.
MsOpal

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 7:57:53 AM

greyarcher315

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Lists can be good things(although with all the liars and people too lazy to read out there, one does wonder) but is there a point where your lists become too limiting, too reastrictive to be realistic?

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 8:07:00 AM

murmur

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It's the same thing as saying, if i show myself completely, will they accept me?

You're showing what you would like or not. On the contrary, i believe the more qualifications you ask, the more precise you are of showing what you want. And then, like all other things, you learn to adapt yourself to the other.

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 8:18:10 AM

Stephann

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It's worth considering that my expectations of a potential slave are far different than my expectations from a casual friend.

I don't and won't compromise on the kind of woman I wish to have serve me. It's much better that she knows up front what she's getting into, than to have four or five potentials simply because they don't know what I'm like.

On the flip side, I don't reveal everything about myself until I know I can trust the person I'm talking to. By that point, though, I've pretty well assessed our compatibility.

Stephan

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 8:24:29 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 9:48:10 AM

toservez

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People will always present themselves in the best possible way and often when they put themselves in words and with the secrecy of Internet this best possible presentations turns into a fantasy of highly unrealistic thoughts and delusions.

People also have different opinions on how to act and how to treat things especially in the cyber world. So listing an impossible wish list is could mean an insincere person or just a person just describing the perfect person which they do know will not happen.

Personally when I was searching on the other side I did not compromise but compromise is a very loaded word because we are basically saying is do we know our needs from our desires and what/how many desires are we willing to let go of if we get all of our needs and I think that is always tricky for everyone to decide. So when I say I did not compromise is because I never looked at a person and went well they are not into this or that or are this and have that type thoughts but whether we fit. I tried my best to identify my true needs and know what works for me and try to not factor in desires as an elimination tool.

My personal opinion of my search on the other side in this area was not that people would not realistically compromise and factor in the difference between needs and wants but that too many people seemed to dismiss off hand another’s needs and often in a disrespectful way if they did not fit them.

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 10:20:32 AM

xoxi

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I have a list of requirements and a list of preferences. The preferences list is a lot longer than the requirements list.

Even if I have a lot of requirements, they are still on that list because I have thought long and hard about it, and usually have attempted to be in a relationship without certain ones, and found that I wouldn't be happy.

It does lessen my chances of meeting people but it lessens my chances of meeting people who don't fit my requirements. I'm a cute enough girl and I have a great personality and all...I can think of quite a few guys who right now would love for me to commit to them. Obviously I prefer being single over committiing to them because I would rather not commit to someone who I would trade in for someone who met my requirements if given the chance. That's just not fair to that person.

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 12:39:35 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Yup, I realize the more detailed my demands are the less likely I'll find as many people. I'm not willing to compromise on any of my demands, because their non negotiable aspects of if I choose to play with someone. Any one that wants to play with me has to agree to my rules or we don't play.

quote:

ORIGINAL: greyarcher315

but do these people realize that the more qualifications, the less likely you will find some one? How much comprimise will you accept?

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 12:46:47 PM

celticlord2112

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My personal take is that the more interests one can identify, the more fodder there is for those initial conversations--an aspect of personal relationships at which I righteously suck, so take that with a grain of salt!

However, the profiles that have the tone of "be this or don't bother" turn me off. A person is not a laundry lists of skills and experiences. I would much prefer to encounter people willing to learn and discover me slowly, over time, as I learn and discover them. A sense of mystery always spices things up!

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 1:00:18 PM

iammachine

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Much like the pirate's code, my expectations aren't so much rules, as they are guidelines.

I have a general idea of the qualities that I do want, and what I like in a person (in varying levels of interaction). People are people, and I therefore pass judgements on an individual basis. There are no magical attributes that make someone "right" for me. For example, I've met people that have interests and characteristics very much in line with things that in theoretical, broad terms, I like... yet I still just didn't dig 'em, because there was some personal aspect that just didn't resonate with me. Similarly, there are people whom are very different from me, who I get along with famously in whatever capacity we choose to maintain (that's my fancy way of saying we're buddies, but unlikely much more), despite the fact that they don't possess characteristics that I may keep an eye out for.

I do have very specific and definite ideas about what I don't want or like, however, and I'm fairly uncompromising on that. So, on the one hand, not fitting some preconceived mold of what I do "want" won't damn you, but on the other hand, demonstrating characteristics or behaviours that I really don't dig certainly will.

< Message edited by iammachine -- 9/14/2007 1:03:03 PM >

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RE: expectations - 9/14/2007 1:16:05 PM

Hottiegurl

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Since I am new to all this I read everything I can get on a person. I look extremely hard at the picture as well. I try to get a sense of that person.

Since I am not sure of what I like and don't like (even in setting limits) I want a list and read the profile and the journals and the posts. Then I know more about the person I am contacting.

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