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Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 7:35:49 AM

TreasureKY

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During a discussion in the thread, A Spin on "princess", comments there got me to thinking about some basic motivations behind a simple fantasy of mine. Those ruminations lead to an area that I've not heard talked about much with regard to D/s, so I thought it might be interesting to see how others felt about them or if it is something that even touched or touches their search for a partner at all.

In a thread I started last year, On Service... (which is in fact the very thread that sparked the conversation between FirmhandKY and I that I mention in the "princess" thread), I made the following observation:

quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

Beyond these common ideas of service there is one type that may be universally understood, but I believe is often forgotten or at least not spoken of frequently. The service that I’m referring to is the kind of service that one thinks about a Knight giving his king... it is fealty. The desire to be in the presence of someone who embodies the essence of all that you hold dear in humanity. To be on bended knee (or knees) pledging all that you are in adoration. If you look up “fealty” in a thesaurus, you get the synonyms of allegiance, adherence, ardor, constancy, dedication, deference, devotion, duty, faithfulness, fidelity, homage, honor, loyalty, obedience, obligation, and piety. To me, those words describe the ultimate service... the ultimate submission... the ultimate turn-on.

The sentence that I have bolded above is really the key to my thoughts here. Please bear with me as I try to express my ideas in a comprehensive fashion.

I am a very adaptable person. I am just as comfortable wearing blue jeans and wielding a hammer to build a house as I am in wearing a cocktail dress and wielding a glass of wine to build business relationships. I enjoy a great variety of things in life and a great variety of situations. I don't say this to make myself out to be unique... I believe most people are just as adaptable.

This adaptability extends also to the type of person I am with, but it also seems to go a bit deeper. When it comes to a prospective partner, it is more than simply enjoying his company... I personally change to more closely match the kind of person he is. This change is not an affectation consciously adopted with the idea of making myself more attractive to him, but his presence naturally brings out in me different aspects of my personality that are complimentary to his own.

Years ago there was a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode by the name of The Perfect Mate. In it, there was a woman who had from birth been groomed to be a political gift to a leader of another world. Her uniqueness was that she had the empathic ability to flawlessly and permanently change to become the perfect mate to whatever man she finally "imprinted" on... an ability that was referred to as her being a metamorph.

In that episode she made the following comments:

quote:

I wish I could convey to you what it's like to be a metamorph... to feel the inner strength of someone... to realize that being with him is opening your mind and heart to endless new possibilities... to hear yourself
say: I like myself when I am with him.

For a metamorph, there is no greater pleasure... and no greater wish than to bond with that kind of mate...

This sentiment resonates deeply within me. It describes the feelings behind the desire I mention above... the desire to be in the presence of someone who embodies the essence of all that you hold dear in humanity.

While I am adroit in my ability to adapt to and enjoy many different situations and personalities, there are of course my own personal preferences. In my search for a dominant, I looked for those traits that most appealed to me because, in the end, I wanted to say, "I like myself when I am with him."

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 9/14/2007 8:16:12 AM >

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RE: A Reflection of Him - 9/14/2007 8:16:34 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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It's something I've used a lot, but limit myself to because it is tiring for me. I think it's a great skill to become someone's fantasy and allow them to play out what they need through you. But ultimately it's all indirect for YOU and most people can't understand being who they need in a scene vs who they know as a friend- even if it's what they ask for.

One of so many reasons I'm grateful to be with my partner- no projection or needing to morph.

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RE: Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 8:28:31 AM

TreasureKY

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I can see where it would be tiring if you were being something that you are not. Fun for a short time, perhaps, but I wouldn't want to have to pretend all the time to be something else. I have the same feelings about not wanting to be with a dominant who wished to make me into something that was not natural for me.

I suppose it comes down to that I looked for a dominant who was compatible with me and those aspects of myself that I like more. His mere presence amplifies those aspects and he encourages growth in those areas. Those traits already exist in me... he just makes them more.

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RE: Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 8:36:47 AM

CuriousLord

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There are things I truly value in a slave beyond the submissive aspect. Love, that loyality you mentioned, innocence, bliss, happiness, silliness- all those things I could never have myself.

My slave and I are very, very different. In a way, she's that bit of humanity that I've forsaken.

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RE: Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 8:58:44 AM

TreasureKY

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

...all those things I could never have myself.

An interesting consideration; looking specifically for one who brings those traits to the relationship that were missing. I can see that as providing a wholeness and source of freshness.

While not something that I had previously identified, I wonder now if in a situation such as my own, a dominant might encourage the surfacing of those pieces that "fill-in" what is lacking. Not consciously, but subtly through his natural efforts or perhaps through the perceptiveness of his submissive.

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RE: Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 9:26:44 AM

toservez

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I think you spell it out quite nicely the dynamics of a person in a good relationship.

I think often people adapt or morph into a different person or at least exaggerate something in them when they first meet someone they are quite infatuated with whether in a misguided attempt of thinking that is what the person wants or your ideal version on yourself but if it is truly not themselves the act will eventually fade and you are left with who you truly are.

This by no means do I think changes by being with someone do not occur as we are all influenced by things in our life and certainly our significant other and maybe personal bias but a dominants influence over their submissive can be quite profound but it still can only move a person within themselves/personality/beliefs and not drastically change the person.

So I agree that adapting within our own ability to another is nice to do but would add trying or thinking one adapts because the other can transform you is more of a romantic notion then reality and like you said so perfectly people will search out what they find attractive and important in another and that will almost always be things that are within ourselves.

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RE: Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 12:09:07 PM

ownedgirlie

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Like you, Treasure, I easily adapted and morphed to whatever the situation I was in called for. I think it was the result of a chaotic upbringing and then a long marriage to a sociopath. Like LA mentioned, it was tiring for me, because while I could easily morph, I was never morphing to my true nature. So either I couldn't sustain it for long periods of time, or I was always exhausted and feelings stressed, although never really understanding why.

When I met my Master, I found myself easily morphing to him, too, only this time, it was so different! I found myself more and more fulfilled, and become more and more free of feeling burdened and exhausted and stressed. And as I learned more about him and who he is, I realized he was not really simply morphing me into something he wanted, but he was finding what made me shine from within and bringing it to the surface. THAT was what he wanted - the real me to come out and start living. My submission meant a lot more to him then, when it was coming from a place of joy and sharing, as opposed to grief and desperation for acceptance.

There's a book of my brother's that I read a long time ago: "I Got Tired of Pretending" by Bob Earll, about a man's search to get behind the image he presented to the world, and discover his true self. I realize with my Master, I don't have to pretend anymore, because it's the real me here, thriving. So, while I might be reflecting him in the philosophies and truths I have learned from him, I am finally reflecting the person I really am, and the person I have needed to be all along.

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RE: Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 12:20:22 PM

mstrjx

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What makes that metamorph quality specific to submissives? I would counter that it should not be. Rare, perhaps, but possible.

(Or is that too un- (or anti-) dominant?)

Jeff

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RE: Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 12:24:59 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

What makes that metamorph quality specific to submissives? I would counter that it should not be. Rare, perhaps, but possible.

(Or is that too un- (or anti-) dominant?)

Jeff

If my Master is morphing and adapting to please me, then I'd say yes, it would be "anti-dominant" for him to remain effective over me. If he is simply influenced by who I am and choosing to take on some of those traits as his own, then I'd say no, it does not affect his dominance over me at all.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 9/14/2007 12:25:20 PM >

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RE: Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 12:40:06 PM

TreasureKY

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I agree, ownedgirlie. I think of it this way... it is my fervent hope that FirmhandKY benefits from his relationship with me. If my presence inspires natural growth for him that he appreciates, then I have an added purpose for which to be thankful. However I would not want for him to purposely change who he is simply to please me.

Mstrjx, I do not think it would be that rare for dominants. At least I hope not. A relationship should be beneficial for both (or all) partners.

toservez, I agree with you that the notion of a dominant being able to transform a submissive is romanticised. I do believe that the essence and willingness must exist to begin with, but moreso the targeted changes must be desired by the submissive. What happens is that the dominant ends up motivating and directing, not really creating.

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 9/14/2007 12:58:15 PM >

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RE: Reflecting Him - 9/14/2007 3:58:13 PM

Cyntilating

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Treasure

This is such a wonderful topic..thanks for your words and thoughts...
[... to feel the inner strength of someone... to realize that being with him is opening your mind and heart to endless new possibilities... to hear yourself
say: I like myself when I am with him. ]

this feels so familiar to me... Something I have always felt about my relationship......Through his strength and guidance ( and dominance) I feel my inner strength and empowerment.
I love who I am.. and like being me...and I am always at my best when I am with him...
our strengths are a reflection of the others strengths..

The quote at the end of my signature:
.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

that was engraved on a gift Master gave me...
when he gave it to me he said "this says who we are, to one another.....I'm just not sure which one of us is the candle and which one is the mirror"..

this is what I thought of when I read your words..
smiles

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Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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