Subs Vanilla Life

Subs Vanilla Life (Full Version)

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Stallions -> Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 1:47:25 PM)
Is it improper or unethical for a Dom to involve himself in, or even try to establish a subs "vanilla "life?

bandit25 -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 1:48:36 PM)
Depends upon the relationship and what they both want.

earthycouple -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 1:49:00 PM)
I concur with Bandit

celticlord2112 -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 1:51:05 PM)
If by "vanilla" life you mean life beyond the relationship...no, it's not unethical at all. Every submissive will have her boundaries beyond which the Dom needs to be hands off, but up to that boundary, the dynamics of power exchange not only permit such involvement but may even require it. If the submissive consents, there is no ethical issue here.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 2:02:26 PM)
i can only relate my own experience to answer your question. Daddy has a general interest concerning my nilla life and UMs and offers advice when i have problems/questions. other than that, He doesn't play an important role in their lives only mine.

toservez -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 2:02:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 If by "vanilla" life you mean life beyond the relationship...no, it's not unethical at all. Every submissive will have her boundaries beyond which the Dom needs to be hands off, but up to that boundary, the dynamics of power exchange not only permit such involvement but may even require it. If the submissive consents, there is no ethical issue here. I strongly agree with this and just add the reality of a power exchange life over theory just be careful to be consistent and think things through on this even if you both agree. When you get into “vanilla life” you get into dealing with other people and a Master’s orders or things done on a whim or not might cause issues that can damage your submissives relationships with friends and family members that all the theory and chest thumping on “real” you or your power exchange relationship is your relationship can get damaged.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 2:20:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stallions Is it improper or unethical for a Dom to involve himself in, or even try to establish a subs "vanilla "life? I would have to say whether or not a Dom tries to establish a sub's vanilla life would depend on what both partners are seeking in the relationship. A Dom involving himself in his sub's vanilla life is in no way improper or unethical, unless they both want to be casual friends with benefits engaging in occasional sessions and neither party wants a relationship. In my opinion, more Doms should involve themselves in their sub's vanilla life. Otherwise, what is the sub to her Dom except a secret behind closed doors? What are the chances of secret encounters developing into a solid relationship? That type of arrangement reminds me too much of a woman who is a married man's secret mistress.

toservez -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 2:34:53 PM)
quote: I would have to say whether or not a Dom tries to establish a sub's vanilla life would depend on what both partners are seeking in the relationship. A Dom involving himself in his sub's vanilla life is in no way improper or unethical, unless they both want to be casual friends with benefits engaging in occasional sessions and neither party wants a relationship. In my opinion, more Doms should involve themselves in their sub's vanilla life. I do agree I think in a relationship that is full and a more sever power exchange relationship I would encourage a dominant to get involved with their submissive’s life. I know I want and enjoy that aspect and find it good for the relationship on many levels. I though do not think it should be forced, makes rules or rituals that have no impact on either the dominant or the submissive but are there just to be there but from a personal standpoint I prefer as much consistency in my life and if my Master wants and can get involved in all areas of my life that is fine with me.

feastie -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 5:32:19 PM)
As I've mentioned before, I don't believe there is a separation between bdsm life and vanilla life. There's just life. If you're only interested in someone when it comes time for the kinky stuff, then what have you really got with her?

SirCache -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 5:43:19 PM)
If it is something within the relationship boundaries, then yeah, why not? While I can't speak for every other relationship out there, I can say in mine, our roles do not end the second we walk out the front door.

susie -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 7:26:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie As I've mentioned before, I don't believe there is a separation between bdsm life and vanilla life. There's just life. If you're only interested in someone when it comes time for the kinky stuff, then what have you really got with her? You beat me to it. I don't or can't seperate my life into vanilla and non vanilla. I have a life which I live and share with my partner / Master. Everything that happens is within that life. I am in the process of changing jobs so that I do not have to spend 3 hours a day travelling. The decision accept one of the 3 roles on offer has not been my decision alone. We have discussed the roles and the various differences and he has had an input into which one I take. Obviously he wants me to be happy in the job I do but had he decided on one job in particular for some reason, then that is the one I would have taken. Unethical? No. That is the way our dynamic works. He is my Master 24/7 and not just when he wants to take up the role.

xoxi -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 7:32:44 PM)
I would have absolutely no interest in a man who wasn't interested in being a part of my "vanilla life." By "vanilla life" I presume you mean the times when I'm not engaging in kinky or sexual activities, such as work, doing laundry, watching movies, eating dinner, etc. Considering I want a man to be in a relationship with rather than a kink buddy I would expect him to take an interest in my life. I also tend to do a more "24/7" type of power exchange where the two of us have shared goals and he is the one who will take the lead and be the dominant partner. It's actually those little things in the relationship that I find to be totally hot in the strangest ways...anyone can say "bitch get on your knees" but it takes someone who really cares about me enough to pay attention to my life to say "bitch file your taxes I refuse to allow you to wait until the last minute" or even "bitch here's $50 go get a pedicure and come home looking pretty for me" [:)]

mnottertail -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 7:36:02 PM)
OK, I could do that, but the fuckin laundry better be set, or your are taking a $50 asskick..........fair?

SolarAndViolet -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 7:52:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail OK, I could do that, but the fuckin laundry better be set, or your are taking a $50 asskick..........fair? You do talk a big game, don't you, Internet Tough Guy. -Solar

xoxi -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 7:55:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail OK, I could do that, but the fuckin laundry better be set, or your are taking a $50 asskick..........fair? The fact that you think you even have to specify that makes me seriously wonder if you've ever had a woman who knows how to treat a man in your life [8D]

mnottertail -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 7:55:59 PM)
LOL, internet tough guy............ yeah, hook me up. Ron

MistressLikeToys -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 8:01:43 PM)
I am going to agree with what most here are saying. Every relationship is differnt, from vanilla to 24/7 life style. So it is all a matter of what was agreed on and how the relationship works. Its just a matter of how the gears stay lubed....as well as other things.

MissAnthropic -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 10:30:23 PM)
I wouldn't consider a part time relationship simply for sex. There is no vanilla life and BDSM life, there is just my life and my views and perspectives. There are no safe words in being who you are.

MzMia -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 10:36:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAnthropic I wouldn't consider a part time relationship simply for sex. There is no vanilla life and BDSM life, there is just my life and my views and perspectives. There are no safe words in being who you are. Hello and welcome MissAnthropic, I agree with you.

Celeste43 -> RE: Subs Vanilla Life (9/14/2007 11:38:23 PM)
Depends. Just realize that if you think her boss is not being fair dumping last minute projects in her lap and you order her to refuse them, you're responsible for her bills once she gets fired. Interfering with how she raises her family to an extent that her ex wins custody because they're so unhappy with your rules means you've ruined her life forever. Are you prepared to handle the fallout? Now if you're talking about making her go to sleep at a decent hour instead of staying up watching horror movies, go for it. Just be sure that the only interfering you're doing will help her, not hurt her.

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