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Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 7:19:56 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

I recently discovered this website:
http://takeninhand.com

They specifically differentiate their lifestyle from BDSM in that it is a certain type of dynamic rather than just 'bondage play' and is more about D/s than BDSM. However I find it incredibly interesting and so far what little I've read has made me think "Yes! Exactly what I need!" I am so enamored already.

I'm curious, has anyone been to the site before? Does anyone have a relationship that would be defined as "taken in hand"? If so, how does it work for you?

Post #: 1

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 7:27:49 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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what a cool site

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 2

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 7:32:19 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

I've been here a couple of times. They seem to take great pains to distinguish themselves from the BDSM realm of D/s and M/s relationships...but I wonder if the dynamics are really so different.

_____________________________

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 3

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 8:08:08 PM

MistressLikeToys

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

Never been there, but after reading the Alpha Male part I know why I never have. But, it was interesting reading and thank you for sharing.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 4

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 8:15:24 PM

murmur

Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline

At first sight, I believe it's a 50's kind of relationship....but i could be wrong. not my thing though.

(in reply to MistressLikeToys)

Post #: 5

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 8:23:23 PM

SweetCaleigh

Posts: 59
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

i have discovered this site YEARS ago. It's one of my most favorite sites and i NEVER get sick of reading it. i learn from it every time i go in there and sometimes i learn different things from reading the same things over and over again. i actually use this site as a reference point to some Doms that i have been interested in and most of them have enjoyed it very much. i relate to it very well and it says a lot of things that i may have a hard time explaining myself sometimes. If i am not able to find a Master/slave relationship i at least hope to find a D/s type of relationship with this site in mind.

*sweet caleigh*

(in reply to murmur)

Post #: 6

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 8:31:06 PM

SweetCaleigh

Posts: 59
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I've been here a couple of times. They seem to take great pains to distinguish themselves from the BDSM realm of D/s and M/s relationships...but I wonder if the dynamics are really so different.

To me i don't think they really are. i think it's more welcoming to the vanilla people. i also do think there is a different dynamic to it though. It's hard for me to explain. You'd just have to read more through it to understand.

*sweet caleigh*

(in reply to SweetCaleigh)

Post #: 7

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 8:40:54 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I recently discovered this website:
http://takeninhand.com

They specifically differentiate their lifestyle from BDSM in that it is a certain type of dynamic rather than just 'bondage play' and is more about D/s than BDSM. However I find it incredibly interesting and so far what little I've read has made me think "Yes! Exactly what I need!" I am so enamored already.

I'm curious, has anyone been to the site before? Does anyone have a relationship that would be defined as "taken in hand"? If so, how does it work for you?

As for: "They specifically differentiate their lifestyle from BDSM in that it is a certain type of dynamic rather than just 'bondage play' and is more about D/s than BDSM."

.. this snippet seems to betray an unwillingness on their part to acknowledge that BDSM is a very broad term which goes miles beyond bondage and/or play.

In fact it fails to notice that "DS" is nestled ever so comfortably in the middle of "BDSM".

I haven't seen anything typical of that site which doesn't fit well within my own sense of the term BDSM. I appreciate that they aren't mired in the shop-worn dungeon cliches, but again, BDSM is worlds bigger than the black and purple, leather and rubber, hairy chins and shaved cootchies--and bondage play--that have perhaps unfortunately become almost iconic of BDSM in some circles.

There are other Taken in Handers around CM. I know a couple of wonderful ones. I think that aside from the above cited sort of mealy-mouthed attempt to define themselves by what they aren't interested in, that site presents a wonderful resource for anyone interested in the kinks they explore.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 8

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 8:47:39 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Thank you so much for sharing, I am bookmarking this site.
I liked it the minute I clicked on to it.
I am not alone in my thinking, after all.
Thank you again!

*Also, when I read this site, I am replacing the role of the Male Dominant, with the
role of the Female Dominant, and it fits, very well.
This should be required reading for all male submissives that aspire to be good wives.*

< Message edited by MzMia -- 9/14/2007 8:59:18 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 9

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 9:52:12 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I've seen it, and read a lot of the information on it. It is one of my favorite sites, too. I see it as D/s (M/f D/s that is) with an emphasis on spanking, strapping, caning, and other kinds of "domestic discipline" w/ a focus on how this feels emotionally for both partners (and maybe more of an explicit empahsis on how "romantic" this can feel). IMO there is less emphasis on physical, and more on the mental and emotional aspects of M/f , D/s than on some educational D/s sites I've seen.

Someone mentioned a 1950's household - this seems to fit that site pretty well (to me) as far as emphasis - although I didn't notice articles on the man always having to be the breadwinner, it definitely focusses on the man as the leader in a romantic partnership, and all that otherwise seemed to entail in the 1950's.

Another difference between it and a site like this one - I didn't see much mention of non-romantic D/s or M/s relationships, for instance "service slaves" or anything that would ever approximate a Poly family, or anything else other than a one-on-one romantic D/s, M/f relationship (which many do seem to be seeking).

I see less variation there, as far as types of BDSM activity emphasized, than on a site like CM by far (for instance, I doubt anyone there will write many articles on Needle play or Toilet Play, for example) - BUT, I think it's a very well organized site, artfully put together, and informative to read. I liked it when I first saw it, and occasionally still visit it.

As far as breadth of BDSM in a lot more of its seemingly infinite variations, I credit my reading CM for much of that. But Taken In Hand can be inspirational, and instructive (to me) an also has lots of good information on the topic material it contains, and a very good Q & A type of articles listing, IMO.

Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/14/2007 10:23:57 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 10

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 10:54:24 PM

KiandPhoenix

Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

I have a pair of friends who are strongly anti-BDSM. Really funny because they practice a lot of BDSM activities. Several times I have been contacted quietly by one or the other asking questions on things ranging on the best way to use a crop to aftercare to 50's household in the BDSM world. The man in this couple once mentioned this website, and said he thinks he identifies with it. To me it is a form of BDSM, where you don't have to admit you are in the lifestyle. Just another form of it. It has aspects of power exchange 24/7 because the man (usually) still has final say, and controls most aspects of the relationship. The woman does not have to call herself a submissive, but she is submitting to his authority.

My house could qualify as such, but we admit we are into BDSM. Phoenix is a very strong individual, and I always seek her advice on major decisions, and a lot of minor ones. I still have final say, and we are deeply loving and intimate in every activity we share. No different than the websites listed above definition. In fact I think the site above is a bit anti BDSM itself

"The relationship empowers and nurtures the autonomy of both individuals, as opposed to diminishing the woman."

Come on. You are telling me that every BDSM is about diminishing the woman/sub/slave? Here I thought it was about making my sub a better person, and showing her, her true strength. I would for the record never try to diminish my love as a person or a woman.

~Ki

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 11

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 11:43:18 PM

dollylima

Posts: 48
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

My primary relationship is neither "about diminishing" me (whatever that means), nor about his "making me a better person" (although he does make me want to be a better person, and that's a good thing). It is about my choosing to submit within the context of our relationship. I have visited the taken-in-hand site and regardless of whatever disclaimers they might choose to post, I see information there that is applicable to my D/s relationship and read sentiments there that resonate with me.
As we approach The Big Day, I have of late been thinking about the concept of the Taken in Hand relationship model more. Not that I have some design in mind for changing "what we are"...rather, as our relationship naturally evolves, I am noticing the resonance I mentioned above. I dont particularly identify with the Domestic Discipline aspect...seems little bit akin to the whole "brat" phenomenon to me, and that's just not my thing.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to KiandPhoenix)

Post #: 12

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/14/2007 11:54:30 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Wonderful site. For myself, it's philosophy is vastly superior to BDSM. I've always just been here for the M/s connection- the loveless and/or harsh sadomasochistic and/or scene-only aspects never really worked for me.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 13

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/15/2007 12:29:34 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Congratulations again on the approaching Big Day, dollylima!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 14

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/15/2007 12:53:17 AM

dollylima

Posts: 48
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

Thanks, Susan.
Good to see you back again.
H

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 15

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/15/2007 12:58:40 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Thanks, you too.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to dollylima)

Post #: 16

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/15/2007 5:57:07 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

The more I read this site the more I realize why they differentiate themselves from BDSM. Obviously it is a form of D/s and I doubt they would deny that, but they want to keep the focus of the site on *only* that...they accept other people's kinks but don't want discussions of them using up their bandwidth

I've found myself that even here if you say you're into D/s and JUST that people still expect you to be into kinky stuff...fisting, stretching, being stuffed full of dildos, and so on. They want to keep the focus solely on D/s rather than sexual proclivities and they get really deep into the mental aspects. I've never read so many excellent articles that describe the mindset in a relationship like that.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 17

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/15/2007 12:11:27 PM

murmur

Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline

I've just bookmarked an article at this site... http://www.takeninhand.com/who.says.you.have.to.be.submissive
...guess it reached something in me after all

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 18

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/15/2007 12:22:35 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: murmur

At first sight, I believe it's a 50's kind of relationship....but i could be wrong. not my thing though.

That's pretty much precisely it.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to murmur)

Post #: 19

RE: Taken in Hand - 9/15/2007 12:24:34 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

I think that aside from the above cited sort of mealy-mouthed attempt to define themselves by what they aren't interested in, that site presents a wonderful resource for anyone interested in the kinks they explore.

Amusingly enough, defining something in terms of what it is not is a time honored tradition.

It's what Nietzsche recognized as the foundation of "slave morality".

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 20

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