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The Challenges of Domination - 2/10/2004 10:19:15 PM   
DommeVivaine


Posts: 11
Joined: 2/9/2004
From: Raleigh, NC
Status: offline 		The challenge I’m looking for from a sub is not the brattiness of a SAM, but rather the opposite -- the openness of a sub who makes me strive to be a better Domme; the delight of a sub who is willing to take a little initiative to try to please me; and the treasure of one who is willing to let me help him stretch himself.

The mental challenge is to stay one step ahead of him in his self-exploration, so that I know before he does that he’s ready to take the next step and where that step will lead. I want to be able to get inside his head and play with his brain whether or not I’m playing with his body. I want to make him think think think… about me, about himself, about why and how what we’re doing is so enjoyable, and the endless possible permutations of maybe…

The physical challenge is to be able to provide the stimulation and control that my sub needs. A large part of the thrill of his submission is that he doesn’t have to do it; he chooses to do it because he trusts me to be strong enough to maintain the control he is giving up. I know I don’t have the physical strength to overcome him, I’m not a very big person *g*, but I have to be strong enough to create the illusion that I can when he needs that. Smoke and mirrors won’t do all of it; I also have to work to be as physically strong as I can be. That’s a continuing struggle for me.

I suppose I shouldn’t leave out emotional challenge since so much of D/s is wrapped around some very powerful emotions. I need to remain as centered and stable as possible in order to protect and provide for my sub’s emotional stability. I need to ensure that he remains centered and stable as well. If we are not both sure of the goals that we are moving toward either or both of us could be very easily hurt. Dangerous ground is best crossed in a careful dance.

But when I can meet these challenges with a sub who is intelligent, strong, and stable, it’s certainly worth the cost. I just adore a man who gives me the chance to be a better me.

This was written in response to a sub’s question. It is very much IMO, but I’m interested to hear what others might have to say. Pennies anyone?

_____________________________

The definition of pointless frustration: Calling a deaf cat.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/11/2004 10:12:12 PM   
Toya


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/1/2004
Status: offline 		Seems to me like you know what you want and how to achieve it. That would be one lucky sub!

To acknowledge the challenge and to accept the challenge is what its all about. I enjoyed reading your words.

Toya
http://www.whisper.co.nz/subspace

(in reply to DommeVivaine)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/17/2004 9:46:05 AM   
sub4uonly


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Curiousity killed the cat, I just had to hop over here and read your article. You are most definetly an intellect who has given this lifestyle a lot of thought. That's what intrigues me about you.

(in reply to Toya)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/22/2004 11:42:03 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The mental challenge is to stay one step ahead of him in his self-exploration, so that I know before he does that he’s ready to take the next step and where that step will lead. I want to be able to get inside his head and play with his brain whether or not I’m playing with his body. I want to make him think think think… about me, about himself, about why and how what we’re doing is so enjoyable, and the endless possible permutations of maybe…

Very few Dominants I know in person actually have this capability. Or even understand thats how true control happens. My old Dominant used to tell me. True Domination is not held by bonds but by the mental bondage. Telling someone to stand with their hands over their head..not to waver no matter what happens and for them to obey.
True Bondage is within the mind.

Have you found your submissive yet? He or she will be one lucky person if you have'nt already. I hope they realize that.

Gloria

(in reply to DommeVivaine)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/23/2004 5:18:59 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4uonly

Curiousity killed the cat,


Ahhh....but satisfaction brought him back!

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to sub4uonly)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/27/2004 5:58:08 PM   
DommeVivaine


Posts: 11
Joined: 2/9/2004
From: Raleigh, NC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire
Very few Dominants I know in person actually have this capability. Or even understand thats how true control happens.

Gloria


It is very difficult to acheive and even more difficult to maintain, but if it were easy it wouldn't be a challenge *s*.

I'm still looking, Gloria, but I like to take my time. Things are definitely looking promising!

Smiles, Vivaine

_____________________________

The definition of pointless frustration: Calling a deaf cat.

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: The Challenges of Domination - 3/27/2004 9:16:46 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		goooddd luck!

(in reply to DommeVivaine)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 7:33:39 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		before anyone slams Me for the date, I know this is old, but the theme is timeless--as I was softing through the archives, I found this and thought this was so fitting for today's discussion--I don't even know if DommeVivain is still around---but I know some Mistress; will have some interesting comments--

I find many of Her thoughts interesting and personal:

quote:

A large part of the thrill of his submission is that he doesn’t have to do it; he chooses to do it because he trusts me to be strong enough to maintain the control he is giving up.


This statement hits Me at the very core of Me---the trust and the emotional stability to protect his...

quote:

I suppose I shouldn’t leave out emotional challenge since so much of D/s is wrapped around some very powerful emotions. I need to remain as centered and stable as possible in order to protect and provide for my sub’s emotional stability. I need to ensure that he remains centered and stable as well. If we are not both sure of the goals that we are moving toward either or both of us could be very easily hurt. Dangerous ground is best crossed in a careful dance.



quote:

But when I can meet these challenges with a sub who is intelligent, strong, and stable, it’s certainly worth the cost. I just adore a man who gives me the chance to be a better me.


How well stated--that is the D/dynamic I have searched forever to find--and now resides within My current R/relationship---I love you My boy--for what you are but more for what I am when I am with you---

Thoughts?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to DommeVivaine)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 8:17:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Sounds good and I agree- it's possible to understand where you want to take someone in the long term- personality changes, behavioral changes. But to plan step by step rarely pans out in reality. It's also much easier to do when someone is just starting out in submission versus someone who's been around the block a few times.

I always find it fascinating the differences between those who want the slave to do something because they consciously choose it, and those who want the slave to be unable to choose anything else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DommeVivaine)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 9:20:51 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings Ma'am.
So good to see you here! Your thoughts and advise will be a breath of fresh air.



_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 9:27:10 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant
Greetings Ma'am.
So good to see you here! Your thoughts and advise will be a breath of fresh air.

I'm guessing that's not meant as a reply to me, but hey I'll take it!

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 10:18:55 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant
Greetings Ma'am.
So good to see you here! Your thoughts and advise will be a breath of fresh air.

I'm guessing that's not meant as a reply to me, but hey I'll take it!


grin.....You've been here way longer than me and you are everywhere on this board so it would be a bit odd to say that! But, always a breath of fresh air. I am looking forward to meeting you this weekend.

NOW...Welcome Ms Vivaine, who I have met before! A lovely and gracious lady.



_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 1:36:44 PM   
SimplyV


Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline 		Rarely do you read on here.. something so well worded, so well thought out.. something so very right to the heart of the matter.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeVivaine

I want to be able to get inside his head and play with his brain whether or not I’m playing with his body.


*grins evilly* I have way too much fun with that one.

(in reply to DommeVivaine)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 1:59:22 PM   
SimplyV


Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Sounds good and I agree- it's possible to understand where you want to take someone in the long term- personality changes, behavioral changes. But to plan step by step rarely pans out in reality. It's also much easier to do when someone is just starting out in submission versus someone who's been around the block a few times.


I agree. Thats probably why all those old men want young trophy subs. (jk.. kinda) Referring to another thread on here somewhere. Its much easier to teach a puppy new tricks than an old dog. But people can learn at any age, just depends on how much effort that person puts into it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I always find it fascinating the differences between those who want the slave to do something because they consciously choose it, and those who want the slave to be unable to choose anything else.


I do too. The different approaches to dominance and submission is very interesting.. intriguing. If only one had several lifetimes to play with all the possibilities, and outcomes.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 6:25:54 PM   
camigirl


Posts: 42
Joined: 9/18/2004
Status: offline 		My first thought is i am not surprised to hear the (dare i say it) "true" essence of D/s is stated by a women.

Peace,
camigirl

_____________________________

You had me at "stay"

(in reply to DommeVivaine)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 7:40:38 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Thank you for reopening this one. What a wonderful subject.

The mind is the real playground for me. I can't sum it up in just a few words but I will do my best.

A Dom/me can go to any play party, any BDSM club and find a sub to play with for the evening. Whip them, beat them, tickle them, but what have you done other than physical stimulation? Have you made them feel anything other than pain or the rush of endorphins and adrenaline? Have you gotten inside and made a difference where it matters? Have you changed their headspace? Do you know how to change their state of mind tomorrow? With a word or a look? Does that "dreaded Domina eyebrow" mean anything to them at all?

I want to create a shiver with a word. Make the hair on the back of their neck stand up with a look. I want them to hear my evil and wicked laugh and wonder with every ounce of their being what I've come up with now. That can't be accomplished in an evening. It takes time, effort, thought and creativity, as well as listening and learning and talking and caring and loving. It requires someone that's done more than target practice and a few knot tying classes.

While those things are very important if you are going to use physical toys...what toys do you have in public? What toys do you have at a family event or work related function? If your only tools are physical what lasting effects, other than scars, can you possibly have? But, if you have his/her heart and mind the possibilities are endless and limitless...

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Challenges of Domination - 2/14/2006 9:10:22 PM   
la90066


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
This may rock the boat a bit, but to me, the TRUE challenge of Domination is to not make a complete, egotistical ASS out of yourself -- i.e., to remember that your sub is still a person and needs more than a good flogging to feel "complete", as they say.

In short, we're all people first and anything else second, kids...


(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 17
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