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Neglect - 7/17/2005 12:04:42 PM

feline

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Ok ladies and gentlemen . . . here's another one for you.

In your eyes . . . what constitutes neglect?

Aaah yes . . . . . too much time on MY hands.

Thanks in advanced,

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RE: Neglect - 7/17/2005 12:21:01 PM

Isolde

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Neglect is the disregard of a person's well-being by another. It can take any number of forms (physical, emotional, mental) and can happen for any number of reasons (lack of consideration, of time, of care, etc.) but basically what it amounts to is someone's needs not being met as they should be.

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RE: Neglect - 7/17/2005 12:45:37 PM

dominmd

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This is such a good question that I could not help but answer.

There are many forms of neglect. Emotional, spiritual, physical, sexual and psychological.

This can really cross over to the vanilla world as well as BDSM.

To me, neglect will certainly take on one of these forms and maybe more or all of those I listed above. So let me take them one at a time:

1. Emotional. Certainly this can in itself take many forms. From lack of caring, lack of emotions within a relationship or even the act of not sharing emotions can be neglectful between two people. Being overly critical, always talking down to each other, and just lack of compassion and love.

2. Spiritual. Again, many people connect this way either through their own souls coming together to form a bond or through religion itself. Some people cannot be fullfilled without this element in their relationship. And I believe personally that when you get into a long term relationship, this bonding will happen whether it is known or not. The feeling of being connected to the other person is usually the most common indicator of spiritual connection.

3. Physical. The lack of attention and lack of either of the above 2 points can lead to physical abuse. Not stopping when asked, not paying attention to the other. Lack of caring when one in the relationship becomes ill can be added as well. The simple act of bathing one's partner shows that one cares for the other in a physical manner. Through this simple act both show to each other that they care physically for each other.

4. Sexual. This can be combined with point 3 above. Lack of desire to fullfill the other's sexual needs, desires, fantasies, etc will only lead to neglect. Non-communication and lack of interest can lead to sexual neglect or even abuse. Communication is a two way street one must listen and act while the other tells of these needs.

5. Psychological. This will encompass all of the above points as each has an effect of each human being. Without the above points a wide ranging form of neglect will take place often times leading to the relationship ending. Emotions, spirituality, physical and sexual needs all form the basis of who a person is in the world and especially in a relationship. Lacking in one area may lead to lacking in another area. But communication is the key here. Without open and honest communication everything no matter wha,t can fail.

Neglect to me, will take on one or more forms. And it is the wise person who can pick up the signals from their partner and correct things, and admit they may be or totally are wrong. From there on healing can take place.

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RE: Neglect - 7/17/2005 1:48:32 PM

sultryvoice

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I read the answer dominmd gave and it really made me think. I never realized that in my last D/s relationship that I was so neglected. I now know another reason it affected me so adversly. Thank you for your indepth comments..

Respectfully,
sultry

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RE: Neglect - 7/17/2005 4:32:53 PM

dominmd

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Anytime I can help, I will.

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RE: Neglect - 7/17/2005 6:01:00 PM

fourpeas

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Yes, thank you for your insightful comments. I was going to add something and then realized that it was all spelled out.

In addition, I think it's very wise to look at all the areas in which neglect can occur. I.e., it's not fair to draw conclusions about one area from another.

I also think that it's important to point out that part of the definition of "neglect" is that it is a habitual thing. Meaning that it isn't always cruel or purposeful. Which, is, I think one of the worst things about it. To me, neglect is letting a lack of intention be the driving force behind your actions, instead of acting with intention.

It is one thing to be treated cruelly by someone who is fully intending to be cruel. It is another thing to simply be overlooked. I will never forget that one of the first things my Dom said to me was

"I realize the worst punishment would be to ignore my submissive completely."

Just something to think about. Thanks for the insightful question. It's nice to think about stuff like this.

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RE: Neglect - 7/17/2005 10:05:57 PM

mossy

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A Question And Is For Anyone:

~ Is it possible, that to some sadists, to deny a large portion of the 5 things
mentioned above, this is acceptable?

~ That being sadistic in nature, they may Not consider this neglect?

~I am Not speaking of occasionally witholding sex or sleeping/holding/talking
with slave/sub...i refer to long term, daily denial, of the 5 listed by Dominmd.

< Message edited by mossy -- 7/17/2005 10:29:09 PM >

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RE: Neglect - 7/18/2005 12:25:46 AM

lonewolf05

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oh well hell. i don't have to answer this one. whoopeee.

i am no lady nor am i a gentleman. yee haw.

-----------
neglect?
i have no answer, save, basic material needs? food/shelter/warmth,sleep etc.?
i don't know, exactly.
i HOPE this is NOT going to be another touchy feely thread.....
gawd i am so not experienced yet.......
=======================================================

1. Emotional. Certainly this can in itself take many forms. From lack of caring, lack of emotions within a relationship or even the act of not sharing emotions can be neglectful between two people.

********so are you saying, because my 1st domme and i did not have emotions between us it is wrong? that is very confusing to me.

2. Spiritual. The feeling of being connected to the other person is usually the most common indicator of spiritual connection.

******again i ask. i had, NO bond, with my 1st domme.

3. Physical. The lack of attention and lack of either of the above 2 points can lead to physical abuse. not paying attention to the other.

*******lack of attention? i ask the 3rd time. there was no intermingling with my 1st domme.

4. Sexual. This can be combined with point 3 above. Lack of desire to fullfill the other's sexual needs, desires, fantasies, etc will only lead to neglect. Non-communication and lack of interest can lead to sexual neglect or even abuse.

********i am asking 4 times. there was no sexual content for 15 months.

5. Psychological. This will encompass all of the above points as each has an effect of each human being. Without the above points a wide ranging form of neglect will take place often times leading to the relationship ending. Emotions, spirituality, physical and sexual needs all form the basis of who a person is in the world and especially in a relationship. Lacking in one area may lead to lacking in another area. But communication is the key here. Without open and honest communication everything no matter what can fail.

********* 5 times i ask. i only left because She took ill and had Her #1 with Her and She retired and had no use for a boy anymore.

someone answer this please? coz i am so way out in left field here. "I" never felt abused or "neglected"--------i was trained it was how SHE wanted it.! so i accepted it.

wolf

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 7/18/2005 12:36:27 AM >

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RE: Neglect - 7/18/2005 6:23:46 AM

BlouLady

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I believe it's been said very well so far.

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RE: Neglect - 7/18/2005 6:51:47 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

That being sadistic in nature, they may Not consider this neglect?

I don't think that being a sadist has anything to do with neglect.

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RE: Neglect - 7/18/2005 7:37:17 AM

plantlady64

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Hello There,
Neglect to me is when someone in a relationship stops looking at how the other feels & having that lack of attention impact the relationship. When one person puts blinders on to the emotions & needs of the other, and is only worried about their side of the situation that's neglect to me.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

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RE: Neglect - 7/18/2005 9:53:53 AM

lonewolf05

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planlady64;--
mistoferin;

do i understand that you two feel what i posted IS neglect but won't say it outright?

i AM wondering.

thanks wolf

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RE: Neglect - 7/18/2005 9:59:16 AM

plantlady64

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quote:

planlady64;--
mistoferin;

do i understand that you two feel what i posted IS neglect but won't say it outright?

i AM wondering.

thanks wolf

Hello There,
Yes, wolf. I do agree with the relationship you were in as something I would consider neglectful behavior.
My response was to the main question though, not you specifically.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

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