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RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 5:26:41 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I'm with Katy.  Hide the damn keys!

(in reply to labrat18610)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 6:21:40 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Oh please.  Just another example of a jerk using something he read about in a chat room to justify acting like one. 

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 8:17:03 AM   
PapiNsweet


Posts: 36
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		of course we all know too little to make an informed assessment of your situation, but i will stay on the side of optimism and say it sounds like he simply made a normal human error, and like many Dominants, was not quick to apologize but instead threw out the "I am Master, can do whatever I want, fear me" card, which he's certainly entitled to but might not make you a happy camper.

i am not one of those who feels that fear has no place in a M/s relationship. i very much fear my Master, that fear is an important part of our bond and i could not respect him as my Master without it. but that is what works for me....what works for you may be something different, perhaps the two of you should talk and explore that.

-prop

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 8:28:20 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PapiNsweet
i am not one of those who feels that fear has no place in a M/s relationship. i very much fear my Master, that fear is an important part of our bond and i could not respect him as my Master without it. but that is what works for me....what works for you may be something different, perhaps the two of you should talk and explore that.


Fear definitely has a place in an M/s relationship.  In my mind, the important distinction to be made is the object of the submissive's fear.  I do not feel it is healthy for the submissive to be afraid of her master per se--she should not cringe every time he raises his hand, nor flinch when he takes her hand.  I do feel that she should fear disappointing her master; such fear makes the dynamic real, and not just posturing.

When the would-be master says "you are afraid of me" as a boast--at best that is a clumsy and inept articulation of power (at worst it is the trademark of an abusive ass).


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RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 8:39:46 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		This whole OP rather confused me, as it was written after the sub had apparently broken up with her Master.  I failed to understand if she was looking for validation of what she'd done or whatever ...

That said, I can say that I would never be involved with anyone that I feared.  Fear does not make me submit.  However, I do find a certain interjection of fear into a session to be very ... stimulating. 

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 8:40:11 AM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		I see fear as the complete opposite of love and I choose to serve out of love and not out of fear.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 8:47:00 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: labrat18610
BTW, just so you know that Master wasn't some irresponsible turkey


Yes, he was. Because he said this:
quote:


"You're not going to do anything. And you know why? You're afraid of me".
Using fear as a method of control sucks.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 10:04:54 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: PapiNsweet
i am not one of those who feels that fear has no place in a M/s relationship. i very much fear my Master, that fear is an important part of our bond and i could not respect him as my Master without it. but that is what works for me....what works for you may be something different, perhaps the two of you should talk and explore that.


Fear definitely has a place in an M/s relationship.  In my mind, the important distinction to be made is the object of the submissive's fear.  I do not feel it is healthy for the submissive to be afraid of her master per se--she should not cringe every time he raises his hand, nor flinch when he takes her hand. 



it's funny that you mention this, because i do have a tendency to flinch whenever my Master raises his hand above me, or when he raises his voice, and if say for instance i have not completed all of my chores when he comes home from work, my heart will race with fear and panic as i hear the car door close and his footsteps ascending the stairs. i do fear my Master...the Man...above and beyond the normal fears of displeasing or disappointing. i fear his actions in moments of rage or lust. it is because i know him and what he's capable of. but again, in our dynamic this fear is healthy and good, and part of what keeps the M/s dynamic strong. for others it is only a hindrance.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 11:34:26 AM   
SolarAndViolet


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		Fear can be a powerful thing. Control and submission can be powerful things as well. Love, happiness, etc. The list goes on.

Not calling, to let the person you're supposed to be committed to know you're fine, when it's not being done with a goal in mind, is just plain discourteous. I'm perfectly content to be a sadistic bastard that doesn't play fair, but it's with the one I want to be with, and when I'm not pushing for a particular goal, she calls me a sweetheart. Perhaps that's so.

One can be controlling and still show some level of courtesy, else one drifts awfully close to crossing the line between 'in control' and 'abusive'. I've heard it said that as bad as physical abuse is, psychological abuse is far worse. You may well be content with someone totally in control of your being, your life, whether you have a good day or you're stuck making excuses. Are you content with someone that controls you and you still don't matter?

Maybe he mistakenly thought you didn't work that day. I'd say that doesn't stop him from being, as you put it, an 'irresponsible turkey'.

-Solar


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RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 12:29:00 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

it's funny that you mention this, because i do have a tendency to flinch whenever my Master raises his hand above me, or when he raises his voice, and if say for instance i have not completed all of my chores when he comes home from work, my heart will race with fear and panic as i hear the car door close and his footsteps ascending the stairs. i do fear my Master...the Man...above and beyond the normal fears of displeasing or disappointing. i fear his actions in moments of rage or lust. it is because i know him and what he's capable of. but again, in our dynamic this fear is healthy and good, and part of what keeps the M/s dynamic strong. for others it is only a hindrance.


If you are happy and fulfilled in the relationship, then I honor your relationship. 

I speak only for myself when I say that I would never want my slave to flinch thus, and I would never want her to fear me.  Machiavelli argued that it is better for a prince to be feared than loved, but I submit that a man acquires the greater honor by choosing to be loved rather than feared.


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RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 1:33:37 PM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		There is a difference between fear and respect to me...............if you flinch when he says or orders you, that is respect, fear comes with a whole set of different aspects, you should never IMO fear your Dom!

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 2:16:42 PM   
murmur


Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		Quote (Katylied) : Hide your car keys where he won't find them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

I'm with Katy.  Hide the damn keys!



lololol

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RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 5:32:05 PM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

When the would-be master says "you are afraid of me" as a boast--at best that is a clumsy and inept articulation of power (at worst it is the trademark of an abusive ass).



I agree.  Such is the mark of a real loser who is unworthy of respect as far as I'm concerned. 

 
 

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(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/16/2007 8:58:01 PM   
cautiousiasub


Posts: 199
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112


Fear definitely has a place in an M/s relationship.  In my mind, the important distinction to be made is the object of the submissive's fear.  I do not feel it is healthy for the submissive to be afraid of her master per se--she should not cringe every time he raises his hand, nor flinch when he takes her hand.  I do feel that she should fear disappointing her master; such fear makes the dynamic real, and not just posturing.

When the would-be master says "you are afraid of me" as a boast--at best that is a clumsy and inept articulation of power (at worst it is the trademark of an abusive ass).



I couldn't have said this better. Fear has its place, but if I ever got to the point where I would flinch away from my master, it's time to reassess. While I know this isn't tue for all subs/slaves, it's definitely true for me. A certain amount of fear is healthy. Fear of disappointing is a good example of that.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/17/2007 9:22:17 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If afraid then I wouldn't do or anything at that moment. But I would withdraw trust in relation to how much he deliberately made me fear him. It's a double edged sword IMO. I withdraw more, engage with him less, am interested in him less, and am less willing to extend myself for him. And eventually there would be nothing left to the relationship.

So although it might be effective for him in the short term it would be detrimental in the long term. And as I only do long term relationships, I can't see this happening unless he was already looking to get out without being the one to first leave.

(in reply to cautiousiasub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/18/2007 12:01:59 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		The problem is not in having fear of your Master, the problem arises, when he uses that fear to manipulate you in a manner that is NOT in your best interest.

On a side note, maybe it was not described well, but I'd be expecting an apology from anyone who made me miss work, excuse or no, that, was definitely not in your best interest. His priority should be in making sure your responsibilities are met, over his whims.

"He that filches from me my good name, robs me of that which not enriches him, but makes me poor indeed"
Othello, Act iii, Sc.3

(in reply to SirCache)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/18/2007 12:07:25 PM   
BBWnNC72


Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline 		in a short sentence.  No one should fear their Master!!!!! it is not about fear, it is about trust and honesty, if  He needs you to fear then He doesnt have your best interest at heart and i wouldnt be comfortable with that.
kat

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/18/2007 5:38:49 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		Trust and fear are two different things. I would like to trust my spouse, not fear him. If I fear him, there is an absence of trust. An do me, that is unacceptable and rather pointless in a relationship. .
Just my 2 cents......

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/18/2007 6:22:31 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I won't say fear has no place- but I will say in this instance it seems ridiculous and serves only to weaken the relationship.  And not because you're "not enough of a slave"

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Afraid Of The Master - 9/18/2007 7:17:42 PM   
mischievousone


Posts: 164
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline 		He should make you feel safe rather than fearful.

(in reply to SirCache)
Profile   Post #: 40
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