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Have you heard this one? - 9/15/2007 7:27:59 PM

CheekyHalfWit

Posts: 55
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

Texas State Troopers.......

GOOD

In Richardson, Texas, a State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem: a 12-year-old-boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!"

The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST

A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the Texas State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball."

He replied, " Texas State Troopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

_____________________________

A Sadist and a Masochist where walking down the street. The Masochist says to the Sadist hit me. The Sadist says “No”

Post #: 1

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/15/2007 7:29:36 PM

CheekyHalfWit

Posts: 55
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment to get their parents
to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?", the teacher asked.

"Yes ma'am, " Johnny replied. "My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Nancy.
She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.

"She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask
of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

"She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then her
parachute landed right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of
them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the
knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her
bare hands."

"Good heavens, " cried the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your
daddy give you from this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Nancy when she's drinking."

_____________________________

A Sadist and a Masochist where walking down the street. The Masochist says to the Sadist hit me. The Sadist says “No”

(in reply to CheekyHalfWit)

Post #: 2

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/15/2007 7:36:07 PM

kshearsecouple

Posts: 171
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

(in reply to CheekyHalfWit)

Post #: 3

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/15/2007 8:52:14 PM

Damocles809

Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

Ha! *applause*

(in reply to kshearsecouple)

Post #: 4

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/15/2007 9:51:34 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

I am going to add the 'Police Ball' to my list, yet they DO have them out here and I have gone a few times as an escort for guy friends, so I don't think it will work, never know, maybe it will work on a CHP officer. {giggles}

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to Damocles809)

Post #: 5

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/16/2007 6:00:53 AM

nonu

Posts: 139
Joined: 8/31/2005
From: Cochin, India
Status: offline

Good, better and best indeed! Thanks for sharing!

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We're all different....until we realise that we're all the same, and vice versa...

(in reply to CheekyHalfWit)

Post #: 6

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/16/2007 5:29:27 PM

Alyoop

Posts: 138
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

hehe that is funny,,,,

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Alyoop

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
~ Mignon McLaughlin

(in reply to nonu)

Post #: 7

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/16/2007 8:40:36 PM

LivingInSin

Posts: 326
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

i spit rootbeer all over my monitor!!

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*Instead of complaining that rose bushes have thorns, rejoice that thorn bushes bloom*

*Myth says that only the woman who has been an utter slave can be truly free------this is no myth*

(in reply to CheekyHalfWit)

Post #: 8

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/16/2007 10:32:40 PM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

um how many cops are Dom/mes?

(in reply to LivingInSin)

Post #: 9

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/17/2007 2:14:43 AM

INVENTIVEMASTER

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline

A man and his wife are driving home one night when they see a blue flashing light behind them. The husband (who is at the wheel) pulls over and the cop asks him "How fast do you think you were travelling?"
"27 mph" says the husband, then straight away his wife pipes up,
"you little liar! You were doing at least 60mph, and you know it"
"shut up" the husband whispers to her under his breath.
Then the policeman says,
"Do you realise your left light is defective?"
"No" replies the husband "thanks for the warning, I'll get it seen to at the next garage"
"You little liar!" says his wife again "I've been nagging you for months to get that fixed and you havn't done a thing about it"
"Shut up!" says the flustered husband a little louder
The policeman interupts the growing domestic strife to ask the husband why he isn't wearing a seat belt
"Well, When you pulled me over I assumed you would ask me to step out of the vehicle, so as soon as I stopped I took my safety belt off"
"You little liar!" His wife says again, "you havn't had it on all night!"
At this point the husband snaps, turning to his wife he screams,
"For Christ's sake shut the fuck up you stupid bitch!"
The copper is taken aback and with a concerned voice asks the wife if her husband always uses this type of language
"Oh, of course not, Officer" replies his wife,
"Only when he's been drinking"

(in reply to CheekyHalfWit)

Post #: 10

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/17/2007 2:25:33 AM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

Funny Stuff. Thanks.

M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to INVENTIVEMASTER)

Post #: 11

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/22/2007 6:56:34 AM

CheekyHalfWit

Posts: 55
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

DUI - TEXAS STYLE

Only a person in Texas could think of this.

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin , Texas after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.

He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accomp any me to the police station.

This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy"

_____________________________

A Sadist and a Masochist where walking down the street. The Masochist says to the Sadist hit me. The Sadist says “No”

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/22/2007 7:44:16 PM

ferriemistie

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

roflmao..

(in reply to CheekyHalfWit)

Post #: 13

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/28/2007 8:22:07 AM

CheekyHalfWit

Posts: 55
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

The Vanilla Pudding Robbery

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to See hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat."

The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.

They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold.

Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...

_____________________________

A Sadist and a Masochist where walking down the street. The Masochist says to the Sadist hit me. The Sadist says “No”

(in reply to ferriemistie)

Post #: 14

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/28/2007 8:29:17 AM

kshearsecouple

Posts: 171
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

OMG hahahahahahahahahahaha

(in reply to CheekyHalfWit)

Post #: 15

RE: Have you heard this one? - 9/28/2007 4:13:45 PM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

Oh Damn! I am not going to be able to eat vanilla pudding for a while!

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Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to kshearsecouple)

Post #: 16

RE: Have you heard this one? - 10/17/2007 1:00:43 PM

jesiul

Posts: 111
Joined: 7/16/2005
Status: offline

Now I know why I dont eat pudding...lol

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 17

RE: Have you heard this one? - 10/17/2007 8:56:40 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

I was just getting ready to go and have some dessert. I think I will pass.

Gotta love the TRUE stories. They rock.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to jesiul)

Post #: 18

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