difference

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murmur -> difference (9/15/2007 8:17:14 PM)
a Dom pointed me out that because i've had little experience with D/s, that i would confuse it with bdsm, only refering to it as sexual and physical activities. That because i never find myself into it, i couldnt get it. I must admit...i got a little hurt by it. I personnally understand the difference, not because i lived it, but because i've talked to so many people that i cannot not know the difference. After three years of exploring, i think i should know a little bit...but then, it could be my ego talking. In general, what do you think? Could vanilla grasps the concepts? Or are they eternally doomed to stay out of comprehension?

laurell3 -> RE: difference (9/15/2007 8:23:14 PM)
there are many "knowitall" self-important people in the lifestyle, ignore them and move on. l

crouchingtigress -> RE: difference (9/15/2007 8:29:56 PM)
i think so, because i meet alot of vanillia spouses that allow thier partners to play.....if they did not get it i doubt they would. i also think the guy who said that was trying to score points with you by being a pompas ass...i dont know why so many folks thinks that works...sigh[8\|]

celticlord2112 -> RE: difference (9/15/2007 8:35:45 PM)
Personally, I have come to quite detest the term "vanilla"--too often I see it used as an unjustified perjorative. A person who does not desire a power exchange dynamic (D/s) in their relationship can easily grasp the concept of power exchange. I have a number of friends who do not desire TPE in their personal relationships, but who understand that it is the relationship structure that works for me. To imply that lack of experience equals lack of conceptual understanding is an uwarranted and arrogant assumption. Now, people who do not have TPE in their personal relationships, or who have not experienced TPE in their personal relationships, very likely will not grasp the deeper nuances of the dynamic. However, that is the nature of any personal relationship, and any dynamic. To acknowledge the limitations imposed by lack of personal experience is merely acknowledging one dimension of reality.

TNstepsout -> RE: difference (9/15/2007 8:37:51 PM)
Well it is a difficult concept to grasp at first. It is so foreign to traditional thinking. It took me quite a while to get my head around it. That doesn't mean you can't get the idea just because you haven't participated. As others have pointed out, that's his arrogance talking.

crouchingtigress -> RE: difference (9/15/2007 8:42:31 PM)
i like the term vanillia....partly because its cute, and does the job of differntiating.... but also because to make all ice cream you start out with the same core ingrediants, sugar, cream, ect....and then its the flavorings that make people like one thing or the other...it just a flavoring....just a preffernace, and i think that goes a long way to helping vanillias understand us better.

krikket -> RE: difference (9/15/2007 8:54:46 PM)
i have absolutely no idea how electricity works, but it doesn't keep me from using the lamp or using my computer..lol. Sounds like this guy was just trying to impress You with his own "knowledge". cheers, jimini

InkedMaster -> RE: difference (9/15/2007 9:41:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: murmur a Dom pointed me out that because i've had little experience with D/s, that i would confuse it with bdsm, only refering to it as sexual and physical activities. Damn! and all these years I thought the DS in BDSM was really about D/s, who'd of thunk it only meant sex and kink! Can I get my money back?

iammachine -> RE: difference (9/15/2007 9:57:55 PM)
Huh? I thought D/s was an aspect of BDSM. Hmm.... Anyway, there are a lot of things that people can understand without first hand, hands on experience. They won't have the same depth of understanding as people that have practical experience, but it doesn't mean they don't "get" it.

RRafe -> RE: difference (9/16/2007 12:14:55 AM)
Joke em, and they don't get a fuck?

SusanofO -> RE: difference (9/16/2007 1:24:17 AM)
HA! Where does he think "BDSMers" come from? Ask him that. Also ask him if he was born weilding a whip, or what?[:D] His statement is only testimony to his own stupidity - because IMO, even if some are "born this way" (and that is certainly open to debate) - at some point, BDSMers still would have to learn how to do BDSM activity, to gain experience. So that means at some point everyone who is a BDSMer lacked any experience whatsoever in BDSM. Including himself I'd be curious to hear his answer, if you ask him the first question I asked in this post. (what an Idiot he sounds like). Ask him if he is "one of those wankers you've heard so much about, who aren't really interested in a real D/s relationship - but only interested in kinky sex. Say if he is one of those guys, that you are glad you now know that, "Because you're looking for something deeper than only that". - Susan

laurell3 -> RE: difference (9/16/2007 1:28:13 AM)
I agree, idiot......in addition to learning a healthy sense of sorting through the complete bull**** people try to feed you in the lifestyle, one must also learn the art of witty comeback, nothing is more satisfying (well ok not nothing) than giving some self important Domass a quick retort that usually gets you a response of "you are a shitty sub".

SirDraco7 -> RE: difference (9/16/2007 5:27:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: murmur I personnally understand the difference, not because i lived it, but because i've talked to so many people that i cannot not know the difference. After three years of exploring, i think i should know a little bit...but then, it could be my ego talking. In general, what do you think? Could vanilla grasps the concepts? Or are they eternally doomed to stay out of comprehension? Yes, I believe that in fact many 'vanillas' could understand the concept if it was explained to them logically. Many of them just have never had the door opened for them, never looked into or was introduced to the lifestyle. Should that be done I'm sure Many would understand it. And a good deal more might be interested enough to try and explore it. It's the close minded groups and people who wouldn't. Those who are set on their path and refuse to deviate, even if it means walking off a cliff with all the other lemmings. ::smiles and shrugs::

murmur -> RE: difference (9/16/2007 5:35:23 AM)
celticlord : thank you, i understand what you mean. He put the etiquette vanilla (sorry for the word[:)]) on me by viewing my profile and assumed immediately all sort of things in his mind i guess. As i've never had the mental exchange known in a D/s relationship, he assumed i couldnt have some vague idea...but i can learn! The fact that my partner is vanilla doesnt help though[8\|][;)]. TNstepsout : i think understanding the theorical is easy, but what's really involved may be obscur if you have never participated in other then the physical... and i'm learning to be okay with it. crouchingtigress : i'll have some walnuts and chocolate chunks in mine [:D] krikkets : i think so too. all Doms doesnt own the Answer. InkedMaster : a Dom pointed me out that because i've had little experience with D/s, that i would confuse it with bdsm, only refering to it as sexual and physical activities. to it = D/s, the pyshological part of it. using pronouns when it's not your first language can be hard sometimes...[8D] iammamachine : exactly. SusanofO : somehow his profile disappeared [;)], but from now on, i'll know better then to get hurt by some know-it-all who isnt open-minded. laurell3 : fun fun fun! i was too frustrated to remember to do this! hehehe that's a next-time-must-do thing[;)][:D] thanks folks, you made my day hugs

eyesopened -> RE: difference (9/16/2007 5:40:25 AM)
Domination and submission are everyday occurances within the natural world so that in my opinion the only people who could never understand the concepts are those people who simply don't want to.

Celeste43 -> RE: difference (9/16/2007 7:39:26 AM)
He was condescending as all hell. Ignore him. I can grasp the concept of how to change a tire on the car. I still don't have the physical strength required to do so. Damned undersized wrench and damn all mechanics who put tires on with air tools. Plus I'm not interested in buying whatever is required to plug a hole, or take the old tire off the wheel and replace it with the new one. If you showed me the tool required I would understand it, but I still wouldn't want to do it. I much prefer taking it to the local garage and chatting with the receptionist for 20 minutes while the mechanic does the dirty work. Desire to do so is a lot different from lacking understanding.

feastie -> RE: difference (9/16/2007 8:04:28 AM)
murmur, the guy is a dolt. Don't sweat him. A lot of "vanilla" people actually engage in a power exchange relationship, they just don't KNOW that's what they're doing. Not many relationships are true 50/50's. Someone generally has a liiiiiiiittle more power than the other. So, yeah...you definitely can understand the concept, even if you've yet to live it.

RRafe -> RE: difference (9/16/2007 8:06:53 AM)
And murmur? Reading and doing really are different. You will find the truth of it when you go to the meat world.

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