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Finding my first - 9/16/2007 8:43:55 AM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
 I have been online for a short while trying to find my first Dom to connect with.  Obviously I've found that each guy is a bit different in terms of his specific interests. A guy I've met online recently has expressed a strong interest in sexy dressing - short skirts, high heels, etc along with an interest in taking photos of me.

Though being a sub is new to me, as I think about it, I'm just not the dress-up, high heels kind of girl.  I don't think.  It's just so not me. 

Should I assume we're not on the same page, so to speak? Or should I try to keep an open mind?  I like his vibe for the most part - I'm not dying to connect necessarily, but he does seem like a fairly cool guyl.

Advice?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 8:51:26 AM   
saage


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/20/2005
Status: offline 		in my 20's i was a jeans n' t-shirt girl.  i think it was a hangover from my tomboy days.  the whole sexy girly image of womanhood was something i was very uncomfortable with.  but its also something i have come to love.  so i would disregard this man based on a like of his that is not one of yours.  it could be a case of "not yet" instead of "not at all". 

the part of your post that sent up the red flag for me is the photographing.  pictures are forever and can come back and bite you in the ass, so proceed carefully if you do proceed at all.

(in reply to secretagentgirl)
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RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 8:53:14 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		No pix!

(in reply to secretagentgirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 9:18:29 AM   
brianne4U


Posts: 17
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		Most men on here are not for real so i agree no pics. my feelings are that as a sub whatever pleases my Master pleases me for the most part. so if it's important to him i would do it. You may even be able to compromise a little. i will say that i find the men on here that come out right away and talk about sex and all they want You to do for them before You start to get to know each other a little bit are internet wannabe's Good luck.

(in reply to bandit25)
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RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 9:20:47 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Not for real now sniff.excuse me as I wipe my tears away, my feeling is hurt...bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to brianne4U)
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RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 9:21:48 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		pictures arent a huge deal to me.

somewhere floating out there on the intarwebs are nekkid pictures of me.  i know that.  it doesnt bother me.  i'm a stay at home housewife in addition to being Sir's girl....and he knew the photos were taken before we met.  he's taken pictures of me. 

he thinks i'm photogenic.  *shrugs*

if he was trying to make me what i wasnt (as in the OP not feeling herself to be a heels and skirts kind of girl) that would be different.  but i *am* that kind of girl, so it doesnt matter to me.

but Sir and i have been together for six months now, too.

kitten who is taking a break from unpacking....

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 9:24:23 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Nope, no pix. 

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to adoracat)
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RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 9:31:48 AM   
SoulOfIron2007


Posts: 32
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I think that a "proceed with caution" tack is best here. If you seem to click in other regards, one thing that you don't match on should not be enough to discourage you entirely, but you should be up front with him about the fact that this isn't something you are really comfortable with, and see where things go from there. And who knows? People change. You may have a wonderful time with him, and decide later down the road that you are willing to explore this, and find that you love it. Keep an open mind, but don't do anything you are not ready to... so much depends on trust, and anyone who won't respect your wishes (though encouraging you to explore may be a different matter) is probably bad news. Talk about it, see what he thinks. And whatever you do, good luck, have fun, and be safe. :)

(in reply to feastie)
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RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 9:34:03 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Dress would not be a no or no go issue for me.  Not if we were compatible in many other ways including values, passions, interests, etc.  To each her own.  Only you can decide.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to secretagentgirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 9:45:47 AM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks so much. Great advice and so quickly!   Good point about letting him know I want to take it slow on the high heels thing.  I'm very short so back when I was younger I teetered around on high heels all the time (well, more like clogs than stillettos.)
But it has been SO long since I've been in a pair higher than an inch or 2. Plus with age and all (43) , it's not like I think my legs are going to look all that sexy in them.
As for the pix, he'd mentioned another woman who told him "no face" in the pix and that he respected that so I feel sort-of OK about that, yet still a little uncertain.
Thanks again!


(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 9:50:12 AM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		As far as dress goes, i'm definitely the same way. Even in with how i dress at work i'm still in some sort of casual jeans/tshirt combo. And i do agree with the other as far as him wanting to photograph you and everyone saying no. Even i won't even think about being photograph. Ok so there's been a couple incidences but it was no facial shot and yes i trust him so it wasn't a big deal. But with you starting out, i'd say no, no way, no how.

(in reply to secretagentgirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 2:56:23 PM   
Sweetsubbie1


Posts: 12
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		This thread actually made me think about how when i first entered the lifestyle i was pretty much the same way as far as dress goes and then for the sake of an ex Master i tried it dressed in short skirts etc high heels and all and i found at first i wasnt comfy with it but as i continued i was well rewarded with positive attention and it actually made me feel sexier and so now i still dress in jeans and tees but like to surprise him as often as i can with the "slut wear"  *giggles*  I hope this helps.

(in reply to saage)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 3:31:03 PM   
havingfaith


Posts: 28
Joined: 6/9/2007
Status: offline 		The skirts was soooooooooooo hard for me to deal with. But in my nature to please, i tried them for M. And after time passed, i felt more comfy in them. It didn't hurt to see how happy it made Him that i did something out of my normal routine just to please Him. :)

But the pics, i gotta agree with the majority. Not a good or safe idea until there is an established relationship and a high level of trust.

(in reply to Sweetsubbie1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Finding my first - 9/16/2007 8:16:59 PM   
KiandPhoenix


Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe he is not for you, and maybe he is. He needs to find out what you want, and you need to find out what he wants. As long as you are both willing to give each other what you want, you could match up. If he is insisting on things you have as a hard limit (wont do it at all) then you are not a match. Are you willing to do the dress up for him? Just because you don't like it does not mean it can not be done. In return is he willing to do things he is not interested in to fulfill your needs?

Now if the entirety of his dominance is to do things that you have no interest in, then you have not met a match.

An example is that Phoenix like to role play. I am not that into it, but we do it from time to time because she enjoys it.  Phoenix hates feet, but occasionally she will give me a pedicure, or foot rub. We match on a lot of things, but it does not have to be everything.

~Ki

(in reply to havingfaith)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Finding my first - 9/17/2007 2:37:39 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Just me, but when i was seeking my "first" i wasn't looking to connect for LTR right off the bat but rather i was looking for someone who could give me the most experiences in a safe environment.  what i looked for was integrity, honesty, experience, empathy and consistancy.  i spent 9 months in the service of one of the finest Doms i have ever met and while we realized almost immediately that we were not destined to be a couple, we both got much out of the time together.

One thing submission to me means is the ability to surrender the concepts i had of myself.... the "that's so not me" often has become "that is so what i was missing"

That the guy has an interest in photography need not be a red flag.... one doesn't have to engage in every want, interest, and fantasy right off the bat.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to secretagentgirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Finding my first - 9/17/2007 7:24:01 AM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		Oh shoot, I can't insert a "quote" box here?  I am used to that from another message board.
Eyesopened, I think that is very good advice about finding a safe experience as a starting point.  Very good idea.
Its hard charting these waters for the first time and trying to balance the two parts of compatability... general personality and sexual compatability. 






(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Finding my first - 9/17/2007 9:00:22 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		First the standard disclaimer many have mentioned no pictures especially new in a relationship and certainly from a stranger.

My opinion to the actual OP question is what type of power exchange relationship are you wanting or at least starting off to explore.

If you are just wanting casual and/or light play then you should be comfortable and discuss this with your future guy to find common middle ground or just make sure both of you are on the same page.

If you are looking for a more 24/7 and/or significant power exchange then you need to be much more open minded and at least willing to make a concerted effort to please your future Master. As Sweetsubbie1 wrote so nicely in her experience part of giving yourself over to a person is opening your own mind to what really are your needs, desires and wants as opposed to preferences and just what you are use to. One of the first things I learned and all other subsequent times is learning that what I am use to and about are often not really true and news ways work just as good with time and effort. Plus many other benefits the most is of course pleasing Master.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to secretagentgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Finding my first - 9/17/2007 10:06:06 AM   
twistedkytten


Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with the rest of the kind folks here... be weary of the pics. but keep an open mind to altering the syle of clothing choice.

_____________________________

Obedience is life, girl lives to serve her Master

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 18
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