RE: Are you honest about your sexual past?

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susie -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 4:24:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U susie: no offense, but I would do that favour for a friend, never a lover. If he was a lover, I would lose respect for him to be only a submissive to me from that point on. If a man had to come to me for money-he is forever a mooch, bumm, a lesser, a submissive forever to me. I cannot look at the man the same. Even a man who cannot afford a lunch or dinner, he is forever a bumm. It is the little things that count. I have such harsh ideals on this subject, is just the way I am. edit again: k it is sun night, stuff to do for monday so I'm outta here for the night. will comment back to the lovely convo tomorrow sometime. unless I get fuked for my 353rd time tonight [;)]. Then you have a very sad attitude to people. If you see people as dominant or submissive in terms of their materialistic worth then that is very sad. I have never seen Master as anything other than dominant. It is what he is as a person and nothing to do with the amount of money he has or the job that he does.

AquaticSub -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 4:29:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: susie Yes I would and did consider a long term relationship with someone who did not have a job. I am still in that relationship and yes I have funded him for much of that relationship. Do I see him as a freeloader? NO because what I saw in him was the drive to do what he has done by setting up his own business. So I funded him during the time he set up the business and worked at it to bring it to the point it is at today, a successful and growing business. Of course you would have passed him by because he "did not have his shit together" and your father would call him a bum. You know what always gets me? That the relationships that start before someone achieves success seem to last longer. The ones where a person was lucky enough to have a partner with the grace, dignity and belief in the other person to know they would succeed and had the strength to help them get started. The relationships that happen after success has been achieved seem to fizzle out after awhile. Kudos to being able to see what you saw. I see it as being a harder and more rewarding road.

murmur -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 5:01:45 PM)
I wouldnt lie, cause i wouldnt tell - but then, it depends on who i am talking to. A potential partner? It takes time for me to build trust, so i would have to know him a bit first and see if there is a connection. A friend? If it's for advice, i'll tell for sure. Otherwise, i feel it's not their place to know. It's between me and my partner. Someone i just met? oh hell no. I know who i am, i dont hide it from myself, but i just...couldnt. I always think - if i tell them, what changes would that make in their life? Nothing. So i just dont bother.

spankmepink11 -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 5:03:47 PM)
I've never had a potential partner ask me about the number of sexual partners I've had previously, nor would i ask that question of anyone. So lying about such is a moot point. If i were asked, I would honestly say that I've never kept "score" . I have however, been asked about experience with specific sexual or BDSM acts, and i answer honestly, theres never been negative fall out from this type of disclosure. I'm far too lazy to to try and remember lies anyway so the truth works,

thetammyjo -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 5:07:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 Perhaps I missed it, but did anyone in this thread ever explain why, besides the ever popular STD question, the topic even matters? For me it's a matter of experience as well. Someone with a long string of sexual relationships or multiple "monogamous" relationships in a short period of time raises questions to me about what he/she is looking for versus what I/we are looking for. Now folks change but if someone didn't want to share at least basic details with me it raises concerns for me about why they don't want to share. I don't need intimate details especially at the beginning but I do need to know what basic experiences and expectations came before me. Ds is a complex and deep relationship in my household, it should not be entered into lightly, and in order for us both to make the best decisions I think we need lots of information -- honest and accurate information.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 5:12:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 Perhaps I missed it, but did anyone in this thread ever explain why, besides the ever popular STD question, the topic even matters? For me it's a matter of experience as well. Someone with a long string of sexual relationships or multiple "monogamous" relationships in a short period of time raises questions to me about what he/she is looking for versus what I/we are looking for. Now folks change but if someone didn't want to share at least basic details with me it raises concerns for me about why they don't want to share. I don't need intimate details especially at the beginning but I do need to know what basic experiences and expectations came before me. Ds is a complex and deep relationship in my household, it should not be entered into lightly, and in order for us both to make the best decisions I think we need lots of information -- honest and accurate information. I can appreciate that. Personally, I rather enjoy the adventure of discovering my slave as she unfolds herself before me. I treasure the person she is today; understanding how she came to be is of secondary importance.

susie -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 5:14:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub You know what always gets me? That the relationships that start before someone achieves success seem to last longer. The ones where a person was lucky enough to have a partner with the grace, dignity and belief in the other person to know they would succeed and had the strength to help them get started. The relationships that happen after success has been achieved seem to fizzle out after awhile. Kudos to being able to see what you saw. I see it as being a harder and more rewarding road. Thanks Aqua. I was lucky to find someone like him and it has been worth the hard work and effort. A year on his business is at the point where I have given up my job and will just work part time and we both drive Jaguar XKs (they are what his business is so not a choice to drive anything else really). Thankfully I take notice of the person ( and I am not just talking about him in this instance) rather than what a person has materially.

breatheasone -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 5:20:20 PM)
I am the sum total of my experiences....ALL of them.[;)]

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 6:57:09 PM)
I would be honest, and give the number..but only to the one I had made a commitment to, otherwise no one elses business.of course my honesty may actually be dishonest, as with many things, with age ..comes forgetfulness..[8\|]..Tempting

Ponyboy7 -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 7:05:42 PM)
As a male, I would not care about the number, and I would never ask about it. If she decides whe wants to share her experiences with me, I would be happy to listen and discuss them. However, they are her business and not mine unless she decides to share. I don't understand why the number should be an issue (barring STDs); I know who she is now, and that is all that matters to me.

slaveluci -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 7:20:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U No one in their right human mental capacity goes into a full time relationship without knowing about someone's past sexual relationships. We do it naturally (adaptation or manipulation of events?) to be a betterment criteria for our mate. It is natural. To go into it blindly is what we do for a one night stand ONLY Hmmmm. Well, that's one opinion, I suppose. I can honestly say that I came into my own "full time relationship without knowing" Master's "past sexual relationships" and frankly without caring much about them. He was never a one night stand and I, by most accounts, have my full and "right human mental capacity" intact[;)] as does He. I don't think going into gory details about every sexual experience we've ever had with others is necessary for us to have a mindblowing relationship ourselves. We consider that the past. Yes, they are part of who we are now but they don't factor into our day-to-day lives anymore. We focus on what is here and now and between us and what the future holds. Living in and focusing on the past is, FOR US, not profitable or desirable. Different strokes for different folks and all that mess............luci

xoxi -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 7:29:01 PM)
Susie, I think it's great that your relationship has worked out so well. A good relationship, no matter what the details, is one in a million. That being said, I have never known a man like yours. I've known plenty of guys who "just needed a bit of support to get this done" and I don't think I was wrong for laughing. There was the guy chasing the record deal...at almost 40...among many many other "musicians." There was the guy who "owned his own business marketing domain names" that consisted of him smoking pot while sending rude emails to "clients" for not hiring him, and living off of the occasional carpet cleaning job he managed to scrounge through associates. I was actually somewhat serious with a man who owned his own (failing) business, and he seemed to have it all together, except the only reason the business was in the black was due to thousands of dollars of loans (that were never paid back) from the OTHER girl he was dating at the time (aka his "ex" who he "used to" date and thats why her ID was laying around the house...because he was "cleaning"). At the moment I don't have my life together enough to support anyone else - if I were pregnant, or if my mom got sick and asked me to move home, I would find some way to manage, but not for a man I just met. But 10-15 years from now, when I'm older and in a more stable career, I would be hesitant to support anyone...first of all because what a man says he is capable of isn't always true (aka if he's fucked off his own money at age 40 he'll probably fuck mine off too) and also...relationships don't last forever. I would feel like a damn fool supporting someone I loved in order for him to turn around and buy some other bitch flowers. Like my ex's other girlfriend...I've met her, we still talk...I feel horrible for knowing when he bought me shit he was "borrowing" money from her to cover it. I will NOT be in that position. I don't mind helping out through unemployment, but this whole "screw the man I can do better on my own but I still need your support" trick is played the fuck out. And if I miss out on a great man because I didn't have confidence in his schemes then to be honest? It's probably for the best. Because I would strangle him if he tried to invest our retirement fund into something risky - regardless of the outcome. Same reason I won't be a waitress ever again. I would rather live off 50k a year and know it's coming in every year than live off 200k a year if his plan works and 10k if it doesn't. Instability is not my cup of tea.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 7:49:16 PM)
I agree 100%. Because Susie found a guy that was down on his luck and he actually turned things around for both of them, she automatically thinks that all guys with no car and no job are the same way. You are right in saying that most are not. I have found this to be true myself. The fact is, most guys that have no transportation (unless they live in NYC where subways are much faster) and no income are bums and remain that way. They are constantly asking their sub or gf for money and wanting to borrow their car. They view any money the woman makes as "our money" even though they aren't contributing to it. Now I'm not referring to men that have been recently laid off from an aircraft job they worked at for several years or men who have recently lost their job due to the company re-locating overseas. These men have their own transportation, income from unemployment, are actively seeking work, and usually find jobs long before their unemployment runs out. I'm talking about the "professional freeloaders" that every woman should avoid.

Stephann -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 8:06:38 PM)
Just today, I said to someone "I'm glad I'm poor. I'll never have to worry about someone loving me for my money." Rich egocentric men have needs for women, too. I think the frustration will come, when at 40, truly 'powerful' men (as described earlier) tend to have 20 year old trophy girlfriends/wives. They don't have to settle for a 45 year old. I know the most important lessons I learned in life, were learned when I couldn't afford lunch. Women who don't understand that usually seem capable of burning water when they cook. Stephan

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 8:31:44 PM)
You couldn't be more wrong about me. I detest rich people that look down on others with lower incomes. You think I'm after a guy's money? I turned a man down who had a fat bank account and owned a very nice home, complete with fireplace and inground pool.because I wasn't attracted to him. I don't care if a man is a rich doctor or works in a factory, as long as he has a job. There's a big difference between a gold digger and a woman who doesn't want some deadbeat living off of her.

RRafe -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 8:34:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin On another thread someone said that "most" women lie about how many partners they have had. Do you lie about your sexual past, number of partners, experiences, etc. and if so what is your reason for doing so? Would you be upset if you learned your partner had lied to you about their past? I'm quite upfront about what a slut I was.

Stephann -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 8:45:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl You couldn't be more wrong about me. I detest rich people that look down on others with lower incomes. You think I'm after a guy's money? I turned a man down who had a fat bank account and owned a very nice home, complete with fireplace and inground pool.because I wasn't attracted to him. I don't care if a man is a rich doctor or works in a factory, as long as he has a job. There's a big difference between a gold digger and a woman who doesn't want some deadbeat living off of her. Hi DBG, I'm a habitual fast reply user. Unless I greet and/or name you specifically, or quote you (as I've done in this post) don't assume I'm speaking to you personally. Whatever other disagreement I may have with some of your positions, I don't have the impression that you are a gold digger. I've also turned down both wealthy women who would have gladly been my sugar momma, and gorgeous deadbeats living at home with their parents who wanted to feel their submission...or some crap. Stephan

DominaSmartass -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 8:45:46 PM)
Nope, never lied about it and yes, I'd be quite mad if I found out my partner had lied about his sexual past or present situation.

susie -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/16/2007 11:27:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I agree 100%. Because Susie found a guy that was down on his luck and he actually turned things around for both of them, she automatically thinks that all guys with no car and no job are the same way. You are right in saying that most are not. I have found this to be true myself. The fact is, most guys that have no transportation (unless they live in NYC where subways are much faster) and no income are bums and remain that way. They are constantly asking their sub or gf for money and wanting to borrow their car. They view any money the woman makes as "our money" even though they aren't contributing to it. Now I'm not referring to men that have been recently laid off from an aircraft job they worked at for several years or men who have recently lost their job due to the company re-locating overseas. These men have their own transportation, income from unemployment, are actively seeking work, and usually find jobs long before their unemployment runs out. I'm talking about the "professional freeloaders" that every woman should avoid. All I can say, as I have before, here and on other threads is that your issues are huge baggage that you continue to carry around with you. You constantly come to the boards with comments about why you cannot find a partner. Until you deal with your issues you never will. It is harsh and others have told you the same thing in the past. As for Tony being "down on his luck" he was not. He was at a point in his life where he knew that to be happy he wanted to do something that he enjoyed and not work for someone else. So he started the business that he has built up with my financial help. He could have gone down the road to McD's and taken the fast food job, which you said would be ok with you because it is a job. Well hell I would not settle for someone that did not do what they knew in their heart they wanted to do. I saw the person he was and the drive he had to make his dream a reality. A bum? Never. Submissive to me? Never.

Oldmansmisty -> RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (9/17/2007 12:50:24 AM)
Hello everyone...[:)] am i honest about my sexual past?...Hmmmm....well, that depends on a number of factors....1): is this relationship going to last? and if so, does the Master need to know?....my feeling is that, yes, if He wants to know, and then i would tell Him everything....but i have had only one experience that i feel could interfere with that relationship, so 2): to me, i would want to tell Him so that i know i am not hiding anything from Him Well, i had some more thoughts, but i got interrupted, so.....before i start rambling, i guess that's all from me [&o] Respectfully, Oldmansmisty

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