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help!!!! - 9/17/2007 6:37:45 PM

pleeease

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Can you teach someone who is not dominant by nature to be dominant?

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RE: help!!!! - 9/17/2007 7:16:16 PM

earthycouple

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pretty much anyone can learn anything...question is....do you really want it if their heart is not in it, or they are just filling shoes or playing a game?

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RE: help!!!! - 9/17/2007 7:17:48 PM

subtravels

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i'm sure there are thousands of opinions out there about this. i can only give my experience with this and say....so far....no. but, it's certainly within the realm of possibility for a person who hasn't really delved into this world yet to find that they have an interest in it later down their own timeline.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/17/2007 7:21:52 PM

super12

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I think Dom and sub are something you born with.. it's something in our blood... you cant teach something to be a Dom or a sub...

even if you learned how to do it, but you can only be a pretender or wannabe... this kind of thing is not a skill, but a life style... it's something from your heart, not your mind...

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RE: help!!!! - 9/17/2007 8:33:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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But the real question is "Can they become a dominant who is compatible with me?"

Many subs have brought out the dominant in their mate only to find out that their "new dom" is completely incompatible with them.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/17/2007 8:49:02 PM

FangsNfeet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleeease

Can you teach someone who is not dominant by nature to be dominant?

Anyone can be dominant when needed. Many Submissives have leadership roles in the work force. I've meet Drill Sergents and Instructors from the military who are the nicest do anything for you at a drop of a hat people. Anyone can obtain a dominant demenor.

Let's step back a little in history and look at German Concentration Camps. Studies and reports have been made on how the brutal acts of Concentration Guards where possible. How could someone learn and be so cruel? A popular conclusion suggest that there was a part of training and encouragement envovled. Let's say you pick a guy who says "I don't want to do that to someone." So you ask for them to take a baby step of yelling for an intemidation factor. With every step comes encouragement leading to the next step. At first, the person learns to tolarate the presentation of there new evil demenor. Then, a phase begins where the person bost about there actions and ends us enjoying them.

In a simple explanation, the steps in training or teaching go as followed:

1. Demand the Action

2. Encourage and demand more.

3. The perons will begin to accept and tolorate the new role.
"I'm getting the Hang of this."

4. By then end, they'll be happy to do more and suggest a few things themselves. "By George, I got it."

It's not exactly that easy but is nowhere near mission impossible.

This question reminds me of two very good friends. For identity reasons, I'll call them Al and June. June is a submissive kinky kinda a gal who finds Al. Al is a masculine kinda a guy who wishes to please more than ask. After a few Vanilla Sex trials, June ask to be spanked. Shocked but wanting to serve, Al gave a single pat with his hand on Junes butt. Though this was not the spanking Juen was longing for, it was endeed a start. "Ahh, that was nice, can you do it again but more than just once?" After several pats, "Ohhh, that's hot, can you do less patting and more swating?" Thus began a long and hard spanking sessions. "Hey June, I'm getting good at this." By three months there was no more "Al, can I have a spanking?" Instead it became, "Woman, role over! It's time for your whipping."

It's not to say that the person in trainning will be a dominant in every aspect of his and your life. After all, they still have there submissive side. However, the encouragment and confidence building will cause them to be dominant when it's needed or when they want to be to please themelves and you.

Bets of luck, let me know how it turns out.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/17/2007 8:49:47 PM

Owner59

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I`ve seen people try to "change" their partners,or get them to be dominant,but it`s a struggle.

Personally,I don`t think it`s possible,if it`s not already there.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/17/2007 9:10:29 PM

FangsNfeet

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It's not about "Changing Them" as much as it is for them to begin to enjoy having the dominant role from time to time and seeing how it makes there other half happy.

A struggle, indeed it is. I've only seen about a third of these type of relationships work. There are many people who will always refuse to have kink or any sort of leadership, controll, and or discipline in there relationships.

Pleeease has a long road ahead. If trying to get a partner into kink and dominance, there's a big chance that it can break up the relationship. If a break up happens, atleast they will not be stuck with each other being two people who truely want different things. On the other hand, if this other person has atleast an interest and can manage to take that first step, this can become possible and they'll both be happy.

Here's a question for pleeease. If I asked you very nicely, how hard would it be for you to blind fold me, tie me to a post, drip hot wax over my body, and spank my balls with a crop?

Can you ever see yourself being massachistic or dominant over another person? What would it take for you to be dominant or controlling in a situation?
Can you ever see yourself being trained to be a dominant and enjoying it?

If you can answer yes or maybe, then beliving it possible can make it possible for you or anyone else.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/17/2007 9:13:10 PM

super12

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quote:

It's not about "Changing Them" as much as it is for them to begin to enjoy having the dominant role from time to time and seeing how it makes there other half happy.

Well, then all you need is a drama class. Any good actor can pretend whoever he/she wants to be.

< Message edited by super12 -- 9/17/2007 10:07:02 PM >

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RE: help!!!! - 9/17/2007 10:01:53 PM

FangsNfeet

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Acting and Pretending are right. But that's not to be viewed as negative or bad thing. I chose not to say "Act" or "Pretend" because they can be viewed as making someone a fake, fraud, or foney.

My suggestions are not asking anyone to fake there enjoyment when they realize that they can play or act out the "Dom Role" The enjoyment they get from playing the part along with the positive reinforcement will make them feel good. They'll not only do it just to please there partner, but also themselves later down the road.

There is nothing wrong with acting tough from time to time and find yourself enjoying it.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 4:18:50 AM

Stephann

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Can they be taught? Yes. Can you teach them? Unless you know what you're doing, as a dominant, probably not. The earlier advice obviously stands on it's own merits as well.

Why teach a pig to sing, when you can find a nightingale?

Stephan

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 4:46:55 AM

came4U

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quote:

Can you teach someone who is not dominant by nature to be dominant?

sure, if ya teach them by age 21 lol, any guy in his 40's, 50's who hasn't been dominant all his life in much else except bossing a walmart employee into a refund is well, nilla, and should stay that way. Any actions he takes in a Dominant nature towards ya will be a temporary high for both. His reward is probably the shock value of the 'kink' and less about the mindset. So, no, I don't believe you can build your own dom. I've tried, was a useless idea.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 4:55:43 AM

arayofsunshine55

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Well I'm not so big on the personality/nature business with WIITWD. The guy does have to enjoy it though. And want it. And embrace it.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 5:55:28 AM

Celeste43

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Just because he shows no sign of it, may not mean that he isn't one deep inside. Possibly he's just been sufficiently civilized to not go around ordering people about, shouting 'yo bitch, suck my dick' and really believes it is rude to do this to someone he loves.

If however he is really uninterested in having things mostly his way, he could be taught to top. It's easier to explain that your sensation interpretation has been cross wired. That you enjoy being spanked even though most people interpret that sensation as unpleasant. And therefore, if he really wants you all hot and bothered he shouldn't be relying on a manual which applies to most people, he should be writing the manual which applies to you.

And after he brings himself to do this timidly and needing plenty of assurances that it isn't too painful, you need to jump his bones. You need to give him positive reinforcements. Then wait a day or two and say while fully dressed, 'you know, I can't stop thinking about you spanking me. Could you please do it again real soon and even harder and longer?' And squirm while you do this, rub up against him, make your interest obvious.

This will get him interested in doing it again, and it allows him to decide when to do it. At which point after he does it, you need to tell him how exciting it was waiting for him to decide when to give you what you want and yes, you know you are being greedy, but could he do that again as well. Only more forceful in everything please. And plenty of positive reinforcement.

Now if he tries it and finds it unpleasant, then you need to respect his feelings.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 5:59:37 AM

came4U

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quote:

Now if he tries it and finds it unpleasant, then you need to respect his feelings.

I've known a *coughs man like this. Who thought it was really hawwwt, then often would get guilt trips or feel less powerful than I would have prefered and wham...he turns nasty. I've heard it all from him 'you are a sicko, you should know better than to do / be submissive, you will be abused by someone someday (duh lol), the world will eat you up and hurt you, you are crazy to want this, bla bla." Then weeks later, he is up to try it again LOL. HELL NO!

Bi-Polar goof he was.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 7:02:28 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleeease

Can you teach someone who is not dominant by nature to be dominant?

You can try and it may work out. But it may not. It really depends on the person and just what their nature is.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 10:25:40 AM

super12

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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 12:10:37 PM

Celeste43

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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

Now if he tries it and finds it unpleasant, then you need to respect his feelings.

I've known a *coughs man like this. Who thought it was really hawwwt, then often would get guilt trips or feel less powerful than I would have prefered and wham...he turns nasty. I've heard it all from him 'you are a sicko, you should know better than to do / be submissive, you will be abused by someone someday (duh lol), the world will eat you up and hurt you, you are crazy to want this, bla bla." Then weeks later, he is up to try it again LOL. HELL NO!

Bi-Polar goof he was.

That was not what I was referring to. That name calling is just rude as hell.

What I meant was him trying it once or twice and then saying that he just didn't like it, he felt uncomfortable doing it and couldn't do it again.

The way I feel about eating liver, I've tried it in various different recipes and I have concluded that I'm never going to enjoy it.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 12:55:37 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: super12

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

No but if that horse wants to, it sure will guzzle that water down.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 1:55:11 PM

SirCache

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My gut says no. I am dominant--it is who I am. Anyone else I tried to be would simply be a game, and when it comes to some things, I don't want games. I want sincerity. If I can't have a person being who they are, naturally, it just wouldn't work.

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