Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Advice needed please


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Advice needed please Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 8:51:01 PM   
BreePix


Posts: 208
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline
i am a new submissive have only been in the lifestyle for about 6 months at most. i am serving a Dom who i care about very much and He has told me He cares about me. However i feel as if he is not being as strict with me as maybe He should. i understand He knows im new to D/s and he wants to go easy on me but because He is going easy on me and overlooking some of the smaller details i feel as if i am not getting the training i should be. He is a very good Dom and he has proved that to me many times when i have messed up badly and really displease Him. However if i do something little he might tell me i shouldn’t of done it but that’s it and he drops the whole thing. i guess what i’m trying to ask is what would be a good way to let Him know i want to take our relationship up a notch and have total faith in Him and i don’t want him to treat me like a newbie anymore?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 8:55:12 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		You shouldnt.  If he is a good Dom, then trust him to take the relationship up that notch when he believes you are ready. He is giving you subtle correction. Thats as much a training device as anything else.  You have not repeated the offenses, so it is also very effective.  You ARE still a newbie. You should be treated as such.  If yu have issues with things, ask him to talk about it, and see why he is correcting you as he is.  I gaurnatee he has his reasons and maybe if you understand them it will make a difference. Ask him to explain and also ask him where he wants to progress you to, and how. 

You dont necessarily need more disipline, but maybe a better understanding of the discipline you are getting now

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BreePix)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 8:58:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		"Master I'm really liking how our relationship is going, but I really want us to up the intensity a bit.  I love when you do X and want to know how I can entice you to doing that more.  I also feel the need to purge my guilt and get more attention when I make a mistake"

That's a good way of doing it.

1)  Be careful what you wish for
2)  Provide immediate and active solutions, do not simply ask, provide
3)  Beware becoming simply an eager puppy waiting for his handouts
4)  Ask yourself honestly if you are both compatible or whether you let your early dreams cloud your judgement of reality

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 8:59:50 PM   
BreePix


Posts: 208
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		yes thank you very much for your advice i think talking to Him is a good idea He is always asking me to talk to Him more anyway

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 9:00:34 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

However if i do something little he might tell me i shouldn’t of done it but that’s it and he drops the whole thing.


Are you saying you want him to punish you for minor offenses?  Maybe that isn't his style.  If he tells you that you made a mistake and you don't repeat the mistake then you learned from it.  IMHO punishment isn't something to look forward to or to desire.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to BreePix)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 9:04:22 PM   
BreePix


Posts: 208
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		i relize that punishment isent something to look forward to i just sometimes feel he goes to easy on me thats all but if i talk to him and really have an indepth talk with him i think it will make things better

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 9:09:34 PM   
super12


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		I think it may have to do with his style. It is still in early stage of your training, maybe you should follow his lead and see what he has in store for you.

Keep in mind that you are the one being train, and it is not a self-train program. 

Of course, if it stays that way after a long period of time and your training does not advance to the next level, then you may have to be honest with him and tell him what you think.

< Message edited by super12 -- 9/17/2007 9:25:46 PM >

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 9:20:04 PM   
BreePix


Posts: 208
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		thank you A/all again for the advice i know it had a simple answer i guess i just sometimes need a little guidance

(in reply to super12)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 9:58:34 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Well I'm not new.   And if he is displeased he tells me and lets go of it.  And I like that.  So this may be a matter of style.  It may be a matter of expectations.  Daddy just expects me to follow through without needing him to make it happen much of the time.  So if you expect something different maybe it's time to make sure you two are on the same page about this.  Cause it could be that what you are expecting is just not his style.   And that is not about being a good dom or a bad dom.  Just different.  IMO.




_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to BreePix)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Advice needed please - 9/17/2007 11:37:06 PM   
HollyBlue


Posts: 144
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline 		BreePix, the only thing I would add is that it matters a bit how experienced your Dom is. If he's very experienced, chances are he knows how far to push you better than you do and/or it's a style thing.

If he's not that experienced (even if he's more experienced than you) he may just not be aware that you are ready for, and needing, more strictness.

Regardless, I wholeheartedly endorse the advice to tell him what you are feeling and thinking. He may decide to keep things the same, but he can make better decisions the more he knows what's going on inside your head and heart.

_____________________________

Check out our couples' profile: http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/861450/details.htm

Read my blog: http://ConsensualSlave.net

Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/ConsensualSlave

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Advice needed please - 9/18/2007 6:07:37 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Not everybody has a punishment dynamic. We don't. If I mess up, he explains what he wanted, we discuss what happened, which usually comes down to miscommunication. And we move on.

Basically, if he's happy as is, then he just isn't one of those strict types always waiting for an excuse to punish and rule through fear.

But if you need more intensity, ask for it in play. As in, "I'm feeling really antsy these days, I don't want to act out because of these feelings, but I need to get them out. Any chance you could use me really hard tonight? Pretty please and I'll make you brownies in return?"

(in reply to HollyBlue)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Advice needed please - 9/18/2007 8:30:11 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BreePix


i am a new submissive have only been in the lifestyle for about 6 months at most. i am serving a Dom who i care about very much and He has told me He cares about me. However i feel as if he is not being as strict with me as maybe He should. i understand He knows im new to D/s and he wants to go easy on me but because He is going easy on me and overlooking some of the smaller details i feel as if i am not getting the training i should be.

What training do you want? Figure that out, communicate it respectfully and let him decide if he even wants to provide it.
quote:


He is a very good Dom and he has proved that to me many times when i have messed up badly and really displease Him. However if i do something little he might tell me i shouldn’t of done it but that’s it and he drops the whole thing.

That's how Valyraen does things. He doesn't see the point in pulling out punishments for the small things. Either I want to please him and I'm going to change what I did or I'm not.
quote:


 i guess what i’m trying to ask is what would be a good way to let Him know i want to take our relationship up a notch and have total faith in Him and i don’t want him to treat me like a newbie anymore?

I'd echo LA's suggestion. 

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BreePix)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Advice needed please - 9/18/2007 9:45:32 AM   
VaWolf


Posts: 30
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline 		This is a great post and I see many great responses.
I take it 'easy' on my pet alot of the time. Physical Punishments is often reserved for serious offences bacause I am not a Sadist and do not enjoy seeing her in pain and besides with her a little pain goes a long way. I expect that if tell her that she has done something wrong for her to take a step back and think about it.
If you feel you need more than determine, now, how much faith you have in him, and then decide if your are going to approach him, I recommend doing this as respectfully as you can, and tell him what you feel, but still leave it in his hands or to let him take it at his pace. He may no better than you how much you can take. Be careful what you wish for.....you may just get it.
Take it easy and I hope everything works out for you.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Advice needed please - 9/18/2007 11:02:45 AM   
BreePix


Posts: 208
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		thank you everyone again i talked to Him this morning He just said he has been going easy on me beacuse he dident want to move to fast with me due to my mental disabilities. He had been a Dom for about 15 years now he is a LOT older than i am to. He als told me i am the youngest sub He has ever trained and He wasent sure if i really wanted it it. but He said now since i asked him about it and we talked a long time He will take it a step up but He will at the same time continue to move slow with me. He said he dont want to push me to far yet in fear i wont be able to take it mentally and he really cares about me so he dont want me to part from him beacuse He moved to fast. but thanks again for the advice

(in reply to VaWolf)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Advice needed please - 9/18/2007 2:04:40 PM   
KiandPhoenix


Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		A story told to me by a local man in short goes like this. He was doing public scenes with both his wife and a few others. One specifically he did fairly hard scenes with. His wife complained that she never got as hard of a scene. he told her that she was not ready for it yet, and she was unhappy about the response. So the next time he started off hard with her, and on the way home she said that she didn't enjoy it. He had not enjoyed it either. They went back to the old way, and she was gradually worked up from the point she was at before.

Just because you don't know why he does things, does not mean there is not a reason. Many folks such as myself have no desire to be a punisher. A lot will simply correct small errors by telling you not to do it again. If you desire more beatings, then tell him when you are craving one. As a dom I would much rather have you ask for a beating than to try and get one by acting badly. Now this is not to say that I think he only punishes with beatings. Just an example I was using. If you want more of any punishment, then you can ask for it. Phoenix acts like a SAM when she wants me to take charge and punish her. I used to tell her to cut it out, and then make her sink want to crawl off her body and hide from this look I have mastered, but that was it. Finally she told me she was desiring dominance and punishment in those situations. It is her way of me proving to her that I can dominate her.

As always I think most problems can be handled with an open communication session. Sit down and tell him what you feel, then find out why he has chosen to respond to your prior actions in whatever way. Understanding why he does what he does will help you by far. Just don't get in the habit of making him explain every decision to you. Once you understand enough to know you trust him completely, and to know he has a god reason for everything, then just assume that he is making a decision for the best interest of both you and he.

Good Luck~Ki

(in reply to BreePix)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Advice needed please - 9/18/2007 2:24:00 PM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		I can appreciate your desire to break new ground and push your limits back further.  You have to trust, however, that he is holding your best interests at heart.  Definitely bring it up to him, though, and tell him exactly why you feel the need to grow.  There may be a lesson that you have not grasped adequately yet, and moving too fast is just a roadmap to disaster.

(in reply to BreePix)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Advice needed please - 9/18/2007 3:33:07 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BreePix

thank you everyone again i talked to Him this morning He just said he has been going easy on me beacuse he dident want to move to fast with me due to my mental disabilities. He had been a Dom for about 15 years now he is a LOT older than i am to. He als told me i am the youngest sub He has ever trained and He wasent sure if i really wanted it it. but He said now since i asked him about it and we talked a long time He will take it a step up but He will at the same time continue to move slow with me. He said he dont want to push me to far yet in fear i wont be able to take it mentally and he really cares about me so he dont want me to part from him beacuse He moved to fast. but thanks again for the advice


It sounds like he really cares and has your best interest at heart.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to BreePix)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Advice needed please Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.154